to ask our weddin g guests to pay for their meal?

[bratnav]

Because DP and I genuinely have no cash, we got a great deal (£15 per head for 3 courses) and we are only inviting close family & friends to the wedding. We did specify that this would be INSTEAD of any wedding presents.

(We are getting married now as I am PG, so we brought it forward).

Oh, the reason I ask is that everyone we have verbally invited was very cool with it, but my Mother has kicked off about it

I think you are right AmI, more details on my OP would probably have been helpful, ie number of guests, level of dress for us etc

place and menu look lovely

roll on next 6th march

of course we want to see pics as well

did you manage to sort out a night away with dc's?

Still, the thread went remarkably well, considering

Well the DDs are with their other parents that weekend, so if DPs friend can pull off a 'hotel review' for us to do then it will be perfect timing, otherwise my cousins have offered us a room in their farmhouse near Whitby.

there is no way I'd go to a wedding which involved paying for a dressing up costume
sorry I am a killjoy!!

meant to say

away from/without dc's

We have friends who are getting married soon, and have very little money.
I said to my husband it would be good if we could all put something towards the cost of the wedding instead of pressies.
If the people you invite really care about you then they would feel the same way.
They would've spent that money on a gift anyway.
I wish you all the best and hope you have a lovely wedding, good luck with the pregnancy too.

Ive just read the thread. I think its a good idea, location looks lovely, menu fab. I wouldnt mind at all paying £15 to see someone I loved getting married. £15 is a cheap wedding present after all. I would much rather contribute to a dinner rather than an expensive present that probably will sit in a cuboard all year.

Have a wonderful day

If I were being invited I wouldn't have a problem I much bigger on the being invited & celebrating with them than buying them tat gifts to fill up their house with.

Yes you could do a buffet cheaper though.

We're planning a Medieval wedding, we're arranging for a company to bring costumes to the venue and are going to ask the guests to not buy gifts (second time for both and we have everything we need) and to hire a costume on the day. It's £30 each and we'll put some money aside for those who can't afford it or if they're a big family. We are going to write a letter (scroll in style ) explaining things.

As long as you are honest I don't think people will mind. If you are inviting children maybe think about having a budget to cover people who would be spending a lot more than others.

so you turn up on the day and nothing fits or everything makes your arse look big?!! sorry really not my idea of a good time!!

Argh it crashed and sent twice.

Thanks Bratnav, we've looked a lot into it and they can work really well, at first we were worried it would just be a fancy dress party, but it ca work well. We're hiring a hotel (actually it's free if we book all the bedrooms so just paying food) which will be done up by a specialist company (same that are bringing the clothes) and they're dressing the staff up. Everyone I've ever spoken to who has been to one has said how good they are.

compo you wouldn't be invited anyway as most of our friends dress up and run round fields on the weekends anyway, I've never known a group of men to excitedly discuss what they're wearing to a wedding before!

I haven't read the thread and thought YANBU just from your OP

TinkerBelles

I think that might not go down so well.
People will probably buy a new outfit anyway and won't necessarily want to pay another £30 to wear something they wouldn't necessarily chose.

i see now that you all do this anyway

to the op, no YANBU if you have asked for people to pay for a meak instead of a pressie, can't see any problem with this

meal

If Tinkerbelles friends are re-enactors (I am getting this impression) They will absolutely love her wedding.

That's the thing isn't it. It's knowing who your friends and family are and what they will enjoy.

They're all going to feel they have to get you a present anyway, I think.

Nabster - If they had bothered to read the invitation then they wouldn't and would know what they were letting themselves in for before accepting.

yes I was invited to such a wedding
my husband is a live action roleplayer
he loved it
tbh I hated it
I only went because it was his best friend and he was a witness
but then loads of people go to weddings out of a sense of duty

I hated the whole dressing up thing I mean

They have hundreds of outfits and bring a changing room, every outfit has every size. They have so many outfits that they can make sure that there aren't duplicates.

Anyway as I said my friends run around fields recreating battles and we would too if my health was better and we didn't have two babies so for our friendship group it does sound fun. Even our families love the idea.

bratnav, even a room in a farmhouse near Whitby is near perfect. NIce romantic early-evening walk by the sea and a bag of chips

I am easily pleased.

I didn't want anyone at my wedding apart from DH, but he intervened and invited my parents, gran and sister. we just went out for a meal afterwards, I think DH intended to pay, everyone seemed ready to pay for their own, but DF got there first.

can I come to the medieval wedding please? I promise I won't let my sleeves dangle in the food

I hope you have a lovely day, good luck with the baby and with your married life. Be happy

Tomarto - tinkerbelles didn't say at first that this is what her friends do in normal life.

Haven't read the whole thread, so sorry if I'm repeating things, but I just wanted to add another YANBU vote and say I hope you have a wonderful day.

I'd be more than happy to spend 15 pounds on a meal to celebrate a close friend's wedding, especially if I knew it was the only option open to them. I'd be pleased they wanted me to share their day and might even be tempted to buy a present too