to get really pissed off when asking for advice on here and being totally patronised every time

[onlywantsone]

... seems to be occouring more

everytime I ask for some proper advice or peoples opinions - I just get "blah blah shouldnt do things that way nah nah nah I know best"

I could use a blank cheque right about now .

And a bottle of Adios, perhaps. Can't be any worse than those 20+ fags I used to smoke/day.

PMSLChip

DH says it,and costume- boys can ytou get your school costumes on

makesme pmsl and its catching-eeek!

ComesfromMILwho,with a massive beehive and shift dress,is living in that era certainly.

I am pissed off at my expanding arse.

Expat, isn't it fortunate than you came to live in the UK and got to say "arse" instead of "ass". Much better word!

Dunno, Kerry, depends on the position....

'Ass' has its place, chipmonkey. Or, yes, it has!

For me, I must admit, it's probably not so much as my arse as my belly.

I'm the typical Latina 'apple'. The weight gain is all in my middle.

But even DH loves it when I say 'Asshole!'

It doesn't have quite the same ring when he does it.

The other day, he was on split shift.

And my sister rang on Skype.

So he said, in his heavy accent, 'I was watching, Dog, the Bounty Hunter.'

She said, 'Ooo, was it an icehead?'

He chuckled and said, 'Yeah, and he was tweakin'!'

My sis and I laughed for about 20 mins. hearing a Scotsman say 'tweakin'.

they say 'erse' up here a lot.

as in Gordon Brown = face like a well-skelpt erse.

Oh well, I am Latina then! Was at a party the other day and the only person with a bigger belly than me was pregnant!
I love a scottish accent.

Oh, I never have that problem in Scotland .

Ass is definitely better than tummy.

Better to have a fat ass than fat tummy, imho.

I'm genetically cursed with a tummy. Even when I weighed 55 kgs, it was there, albeit smaller.

Once bump comes out, I might have to go for a nip/tuck.

Tis easier to get tummy reducing gear than arse reducing gear.

For that reason, probably better to have a fat tummy.

But I have a fat arse. BUT (preens smugly) a flat tummy.

Therefore, clearly, tis better to have a fat arse.

Except when people keep mentioning the size of it in a supposedly-derogatory-but-think-they-actually-like-it kind of way.

What "tummy reducing gear"?

Big Pants!!

And corsets.

Erm....

And those all-in-one things my mother used to wear. (what were they called? Cudgels brains) Panty Girdles.

And wide belts.

Um...... (losing plot)

Aww bless the OP getting into the swing of it. Sorry to hear your XP was a tosser with side serving of twat, OP. Think I dated him too.

Speaking of herbal 'drugs', is there a herbal valium?

I tried valerian but it did nowt and smelled so rank I had to throw it out in the wheelybin as it was stinking out my kitchen bin.

I remember those glory days when I was 55 kilos.

Sigh.

I'm a classic 'apple', wouldn't mind a little nip/tuck myself.

MorisZapp - Yes, I believe it is called "weed".

lol @ CoteDAzur

oooo do i still seem a prat or did my ommision of guilt recover me?

Not a prat. Deffo.

On the contrary. You instigated a most thought-provoking and wide-ranging debate.