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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell other parents I do not want to look after their kids

304 replies

ABetaDad · 07/02/2009 17:36

This is the first time I started a topic on Mumsnet and I afraid it is a bit of a rant.

I am sick to death of other parents coming up to me and my wife and 'suggesting' that our kids come over to their house for a 'play date' or a 'sleep over'.

As night follows day I can be sure we suddenly get a whole host of new friends as it comes up to half-term and full term holidays. People I have never spoken to at the school gate suddenly saying little Jemma or Alice or Richard or Charles of whatever would like your children to come and visit.

I am sorry but the answer is NO. I know what you are up to. You are trying to blag free day or evening of childcare in return for feeding my kids orange squash and sitting them in front of a video for a couple of hours. I am NOT interested.

I pay for my kids to go to school holiday camp every day because I work from home. I do not go out in the evenings and I do not look after other people's kids. If I wanted to be a childminder I would have chosen that career and if I need a child minder I will pay for one.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 19:28

They probably do ABetaDad if they have never been allowed to try the alternative!

hertsnessex · 09/02/2009 19:37

After school and holiday camp every day - jesus, sorry but your poor kids.

pointydog · 09/02/2009 19:43

Do you really dislike and distrust people that much, bet?

madhairday · 09/02/2009 19:45

Yabuuuuu.

Do you not want your dc to have their own social life? To have friends they want to see outside school? To do stuff which is not camp/after school club, ie enforced stuff?

tigermoth · 09/02/2009 19:49

Nighytbynight, you say "I too am shocked, that any invitations we extend for play or sleepovers would be contrued as trying to get babysitting on the cheap"

I totally agree - I would be really upset if I felt other parents thought I was angling for childcare from them.

I work full time and am not at the school gates for pick up. Last year, when my ds2 was 8, his teacher told me that he was very sad in class because his best friend has left the school. He felt it deeply and could not be consoled.

In our parent/teacher meeting, she specifically asked me to arrange some playdates for ds with the other children. This was the number one priority above anything academic!

I duly did this and had to be quite proactive - and inevitably invited children round at weekends and school holidays as this is the time I am around.

I had no ulterior motive apart from helping ds to make friends - on his teacher's suggestion.

BUT Abetadad, you might be relieved to know that of the four classmates I have invited back, not one of the parents has invited ds back for a playdate at their house - some of those children have now been round here two or three times so their parents must be happy for me to have them and happy for their child to play with ds.

ds still has had no playdate invites fromior any of his classmates for the last oh, 18 months, I think. So that's ok then, isn't it? You can breathe a sigh of relief about that, no doubt.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/02/2009 20:05

OP - i feel your pain. Have absolutely no idea why you are being jumped on for paying for childcare whilst you work.

Hardly "poor kids".

BoffinMum · 09/02/2009 20:10

NightbyNight, we have got around this by holding big brunch parties for children and their parents at the weekend now and then. Everyone really loves this, and understands we can't always have their kids across on the same basis.

Original poster
ABetaDad · 09/02/2009 20:14

Idrankthechristmasspirits.

I am beginning to think that other parents on here might actually be envious about my kids going to after school care and holiday camps every day - rather than being shipped from pillar to post by mummy and not quite knowing where the are at on any given day.

[OK I admit it - I am hiding behind the sofa now waiting for the bricks to start flying for saying that]

OP posts:
Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/02/2009 20:15

Um, you may need a hard hat for that one.....

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/02/2009 20:17

FWIW, i also work full time and do alot from home. It is impossible to work when the kids are at home, you wouldn't expect someone to take their children into an office with them, why is it so different if you work at home?

psychomum5 · 09/02/2009 20:22

has anyone just thought that maybe abetadad is really just a wanking cock and lieing to get his juices flowing further, ergo, a big fat hairy troll.

cluelessnchaos · 09/02/2009 20:34

I just think you are a bit thick and cant see the possible benefits of your children having friends, I am lucky enough to live in a community where there are other people who care about my children and can have an impact on their lives.

The playdates increase when its half term because the kids have more time to play, when your kids are teenagers will they be allowed to have friends then?

I would worry that my kids in playschemes would have a very limited view of the world, but maybe that is what you want.

accordiongirl · 09/02/2009 21:24

wierdo

Nighbynight · 09/02/2009 21:31

boffin, that sounds lovely. I tend to steer clear of weekends, as I feel that its the only time when the SAHMs see their husbands, and the last thing they'd want to do is go on a glorified playdate. Would work better with other working parents, perhaps?

my neighbours would go bonkers too. they are a childless couple, and part of their "perfect" lifestyle is that they like to lie in on sunday morning. they would go ballistic at 20 pairs of little feet hurtling up and down our stairs. Tempting

tigermoth · 09/02/2009 21:59

nightbynight - invite the neighbours round at the same time, then

BoffinMum · 09/02/2009 22:00

Saturday brunch, bucks fizz and fry up for the parents, a few games and kids food next door, lots of mingling??

Mummyfor3 · 09/02/2009 22:05

I cannot believe this thread is still going...

piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 22:14

I should make the most of it-you have only got a few more years before your DCs want their own choice of friends. It would be interesting to see your views when they get to about 9 or 10 years old. It is easy when they are small to have your choice but gets increasingly more difficult the older they get.

ChippingIn · 09/02/2009 22:18

By ABetaDad on Mon 09-Feb-09 19:21:42
ChippingIn @ 14:48:35

No need to feel sorry for my kids and wife. My wife feels even more strongly about it than I do and my kids told me last night they love after school and holiday camp.

Yeah, sure they did They don't exactly have much to compare it to do they - being home with you and your friends??

nighbynight - nah, don't worry about it, out of all the posters here - there's only 1 or 2 others agree with ABD -the rest of us see it for what it is, allowing children to have friends!!

MrsPurple · 09/02/2009 22:25

anyone looked at thread re school hols? I knoe abetadad has, even puts views re holiday clubs on there, god is there no hope for some poor children.

Nighbynight · 09/02/2009 22:27

ha ha tigermoth - they'd only come round to slip poison in the bucks fizz. We mutually regard each other similar to the pox.

It is my earnest prayer that Ms perfect singleton Neighbour will get pregnant, and have triplets.

ChippingIn · 09/02/2009 22:27

By ABetaDad on Mon 09-Feb-09 20:14:22
Idrankthechristmasspirits.

I am beginning to think that other parents on here might actually be envious about my kids going to after school care and holiday camps every day - rather than being shipped from pillar to post by mummy and not quite knowing where the are at on any given day.

[OK I admit it - I am hiding behind the sofa now waiting for the bricks to start flying for saying that]

You are the biggest twat I have come across in a long time...

psychomum5 - yeah it's been mentioned more than once that it might be the case, some of us were giving him the benefit of the doubt the in the hope some of it might sink in and his poor kids might have a slightly less miserable life because of it.

Bofin - sounds great!!

Nighbynight · 09/02/2009 22:29

I know chippin, but I am still gobsmacked that anyone could be so creatively anti-social as to dream up an idea like that.

Nighbynight · 09/02/2009 22:30

ABetaDad, if you are serious, please remember that your children will judge you one day, and will give their opinions about your parenting.
And judging by this thread, statistically, you dont have much chance that they will be agreeing with you.

piscesmoon · 09/02/2009 22:37

Hopefully they won't grow up to be quite so anti social or as controlling.

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