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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my DP would pop into the supermarket on his way home?

169 replies

AmIWhatAndWhy · 06/02/2009 17:18

We go shopping together on Saturdays. By Friday we generally have nothing in, I don't drive and am sahm to two toddlers.

I asked him if he'd pop into the supermarket (it's next door to the train sttion on is way home) and he said no way.

It happens all the time. he refuses and I end up buying food, coffee, nappies etc from local shops which is almost twice the price.

He suggested I go out shopping after he gets in, a 20 minute walk in rain, and I'd have to wait until the DC were settled first.

I could explode.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:14

yeah but going to the shop on the way back from work is a pita

I definitely try and avoid it. And tbh, I haven't seen the kids all day. Don't want to have to spend 30 mins arsing about in a shop when I could be cuddling them on the couch.

If someone's had all day to do it, I'd rather they had done it, that's all!

ScottishMummy · 06/02/2009 20:17

DH pickup wee items by all means but if you habitually run out of items plan an internet shop

bit of planning-internet is much cheaper than local shop prices,and means you dont have to carry lots of stuff since they deliver.you can take advantage of offers

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:18

I can understand the frustration on both sides.

I am so zen tonight

queenofbeas · 06/02/2009 20:18

Of course YANBU.

izyboy · 06/02/2009 20:18

Well of course its a bit of a pain but not immensely so. Plus he doesnt sound the type to be dead keen to get home to see his kids. So assume it is because he is a selfish sod.

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:19

oh it can be an immense pain

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:20

I suppose situations are different.

I just would be so upset if I told DH that for whatever reason I hadn't been able to get supper in and could he pick something up (which takes 10 mins, not 1/2 hour) and he said no, I am coming straight home, then you can put the kids to bed then you can walk up the road in the dark and the snow as you have failed in your duties.

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:20

well that's a bit of an assumption isn't it

tbh, I think his suggestion of her going out after he gets in seems quite reasonable. I'd go for that just to get some peace and quiet!

izyboy · 06/02/2009 20:21

...but DH would pick up bits and bath the kids (like he has tonight) so...

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:21

an assumption that he's a selfish sod

I'm not a selfish sod but I still wouldn't want to go to the shop on the way back. I mean food, coffee, nappies etc. sounds like a bit more than popping in.

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:22

So better 40 mins walking through slush in the rain plus the time in the shop than DH spend 10 mins on his way home?

I don't believe you fox! Or are you a masochist?

izyboy · 06/02/2009 20:23

Dont think it is that much of an assumption really fox. He cant be arsed to sort out the kids, he cant be arsed to pick up a few bits from the shops next to the station 'cos he's had a big lunch....

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:23

Sorry that should have read, 40 mins walking through slush in the rain and the dark...

Not something my DH would send me out to do cause he couldn't be fucked to take 10 mins out on his way home...

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:24

I;d pop in for some chocolate buttons and a pint of milk.

But I wouldn't pop in for toilet roll, bread, pasta, tin of tomatoes, teabags and four pints of milk.

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:24

you see when I was at home, I would have LOVED 40 mins walking in the slush to get the shopping if it meant I could do it on my own

it might not take 10 mins and it sounds like it happens regularly

believe me, after a hard week at work, he may just want to get home!

Quattrocento · 06/02/2009 20:25

I don't like shopping on the way home so I have some sympathy with your DH. Equally of course, I don't like going hungry. I can see both sides.

Could you (a) learn to drive (b) shop online or (c) shop in bulk so there are always things in reserve

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:26

Some of you seem to be rather unhelpful to your OHs I think.

I can't believe that people think it is reasonable to flatly refuse to pick up a few bits on the way home. And supper, coffee and nappies is a few bits.

I suppose we are all different and have different relationships though.

izyboy · 06/02/2009 20:27

Yeah but she's have to bath the kids at the end of the treck to and from the shops. The guy doesnt seem to want to share that's the problem.

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:29

I have a work routine where all time is quite carefully accounted for. I would want to know in advance what I might be required to 'pop in' for.

I would pop in for coffee but not to buy provisions to prepare a meal for three people.

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:30

ooh so passive agressive tum

you see, some of us have perfectly happy relationships and don't go to the shop on the way home

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:33

I have a relationship where I make it clear I do not really enjoy food shopping at all and so do not like it sprung upon me. In turn, I try not to spring it upon dh.

He would pop out for blu tack and stamps but not for cat pouches, sausages, diluting juice, printer cartridge and sellotape.

foxinsocks · 06/02/2009 20:33

oh pointy you see I do the same

I know exactly when I have to leave the office to make a certain train and by that measure, know exactly what time it means I will walk through the front door. Anything else has to be factored in and can bugger up my timings!

well just don't bath them tonight though. They don't need bathing every night.

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:35

at this.

Pointy you would say no, I will come home and put my feet up, you can put the kids to bed then hike out in the dark to buy the stuff then hike home and cook it for me?

What does your journey home have to do with your work routine? You have finished work then surely? You would seriously expect to be given notice to get items which might be needed at short notice ie you wouldn't ever get them as by definition you would never get the notice.

Give and take people, this is utterly unreasonable and I can't believe so many of you can't see it!

pointydog · 06/02/2009 20:38

no, I wouldn't do that. I'd huff and puff a bit at being asked at such short notice. I'd ask if dh couldn't pop out later. He'd huff and puff back. We'd nark a bit until we had come to a decision.

tumtumtetum · 06/02/2009 20:39

Passive aggressive? I was trying to be nice and understand what you lot are on about. Different people have different relationships.

Personally I would be gutted if I asked my DH to do a simple thing like this and he basically told me to fuck off. But apparently actually that is perfectly normal behaviour

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