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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Babies in upmarket restaurant

192 replies

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 14:48

I have upset my SIL who went on holiday recently somewhere really expensive and wanted to take her 10 month old baby into the hotel restaurant that didnt allow kids under the age of 12. She said that she was asleep and wouldnt disturb anyone but I pointed out that she could wake up and start crying and what would happen if they were half way through their dinner. I felt that the hotel policy was right and there does need to be child free places. Not everyone wants to be surrounded by other people's children asleep or not.

Am I being unreasonable? She has gone off in a huff now.....

OP posts:

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 14:51

No YANBU.

She should chose to go somewhere different of she woud like tho have her dd with her at dinner. There are plenty of places that will allow it.

Sheeta · 05/02/2009 14:52

YANBU

nancy75 · 05/02/2009 14:52

personally i think yabu, in most other countries when people go out to dinner they take their kids with them, it's only here that its so frowned upon.
As long as the child/children are well behaved (sitting down rather than running round restaurant) i don't see a problem

SheherazadetheGoat · 05/02/2009 14:53

i hate po-faced restaurants that have these rules, nearly as much as i hate 'child friendly' place.

claw3 · 05/02/2009 14:53

YANBU it was the hotel's rule, not yours.

MrsBadger · 05/02/2009 14:54

yanbu in your views
but why did you feel the need to tell SIL?
you weren't on the holiday with her, or in the restaurant
was she trying to convince you that she hadn't BU?

bangandthedirtisgone · 05/02/2009 14:54

I can't think of anything worse than barging in there with an unwelcome 10 month old then stressing the whole time that she might wake up.

YANBU but will probably get called a childhater anyway on here.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 05/02/2009 14:56

YANBU - there are plenty of places where babies and children are welcome. If the restaurant made its policy clear, she should accept it.

If I was paying a lot of money in a decent restaurant, I would not want my meal disturbed by someone else's baby - and I am a mother.

diedandgonetodevon · 05/02/2009 14:57

Personally i think YABU. I like to eat in nice restaurants and I always take DS with me. As long as he behaves I cannot see the problem.
If they don't learn how to behave in public from a young age then when will they learn??

I agree with nancy75 that it's really only the British that have these hang-ups.

bangandthedirtisgone · 05/02/2009 14:57

Although bit crap that it was the hotel restaurant that had this rule. Why let children be guests but not diners?

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 05/02/2009 14:58

bangand - if we get boo-ed off here, maybe we should go out to dinner together sometime? No kids!!

Original poster

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 14:58

This is SIL's first baby. She also went to a gastropub type place a couple of weeks ago that was really noisy and her baby screamed the place down. Two men sitting at another table asked the waitress to ask her to take her child out as it was disturbing the other guests. This place doesnt have a policy on children but I have eaten there before and it is not the sort of place I would take children TBH.

OP posts:

escape · 05/02/2009 14:59

In two minds on this..
W
I don't think YABU btw.. but as an issue...
I positively, absolutely DO NOT want my own nor other peoples children in a 'fine dining' restaurant.
Well behaved, yes, but anybody younger than say 8 or 9 years - forget it.
HOWEVER, when both my sons were newborns, and (luckily for me) slept ALL the time, they were breastfed on demand and I couldn't express. They sat half under the table in many 'posh' restaurants - all snuggled up in their maxi cosis and nobody (them nor fellow diners) knew they'd even been in there! older than 10 weeks though - as if!

countingto10 · 05/02/2009 14:59

No YANBU. When me & DH went away on our own (for some childfree time ) in an exclusive hotel, I got really hacked off being disturbed by someone's kids. The hotel had a baby listening and sitting service with qualified nannies so there was no excuse really. There was a rule that they weren't allowed in the dining room but they were allowed up to 8.00pm in the room next door (it was nearly 9.00pm at the time). They were very loud, whingy (obviously tired) kids BTW. We don't often get time without the children so being disturbed by other peoples (when we had tried hard to avoid them) is very annoying. Probably going to get flamed for saying it.

claw3 · 05/02/2009 15:01

I have kids, but if i had a child free weekend or evening, the last place i would want to be is surrounded by someone elses kids to be honest!

claw3 · 05/02/2009 15:02

Counting - LOL you beat me to it!

Dropdeadfred · 05/02/2009 15:03

if you weren't on this holiday how have you upset your SIL?

debs40 · 05/02/2009 15:03

I think it is acceptable, at certain hours, to expect very small children not to dine with adults.

Yes, they might do it differently in Spain or Italy, but we are not in Spain or Italy and people generally don't like it and their sensibilities should be resepected within limits e.g. dine before a certain time.

Every good hotel I've stayed at with the children has observed these type of rules.

Unfortunatelty, sometimes people who feel they can drag their children to eat at inappropriate times also have unrealistic and age inappropriate expectations of how long a child can sit still and 'dine' with adults.

That is just unfair on everyone and I think even if a hotel/restaurant allows children to dine, it is selfish to have expectations of them that they may not be able to meet.

I've seen people try and 'contain' 5 year olds at 'nice restaurants', telling them to 'behave nicely' constantly. It's unfair, selfish and only causes stress.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:06

yanbu at all

I'm with countingto10 on this

Original poster

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 15:07

Hmm, I am surprised by how much support there is for child free places. Went to the Boxwood Cafe (one of Gordon Ramsay's places but a bistro so OK prices!) and sat at the next table from a child who obviously was overtired, covered in chocolate and clearly ready to kick off.

I asked to move.......

I think the issue is that we all want well bahaved kids next to us but some of us think that when there are policies or even when wedding invites dont include children that somehow it doesnt apply to them.

Tin hat at the ready!

OP posts:

BrownSuga · 05/02/2009 15:07

We like to take our DS (20mths) wherever we go knowing that if he does kickoff we would remove him from said place until he calmed down, even if one of us had to eat alone, and the other had a cold dinner.

However if the hotel had a rule about it, I'd find somewhere else to eat.

But I do wonder why places can legally refuse customers with children? Does anyone know? I mean there'd be an outcry if they said to me, sorry BrownSuga you're from NZ, we can't serve you, for instance, but it's ok to say no children.

Original poster

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 15:08

My SIL asked me what I thought about the hotel policy. They go to this hotel regularly so I think they wanted an exception made.

OP posts:

KingRolo · 05/02/2009 15:08

YANBU, I agree that you really have to think about other people who are paying a fair amount of money for a good night out - some of whom may be also be parents having a much deserved night off, especially if they are in a hotel on holiday. There is nothing worse than going out for a meal and having it ruined by a screaming baby.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:09

Why on earth would your sil go on holiday with a 10mo to a place where kids weren't allowed in the restaurant?

Madness

I wouldn't have said so to her though

Original poster

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 15:11

Got to say most people say 'I would remove my child etc' but how many places have we all been to where this doesnt happen.

As you can probably guess I am more than happy to have child free places - and I have two boys.

OP posts:

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