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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies in upmarket restaurant

192 replies

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 14:48

I have upset my SIL who went on holiday recently somewhere really expensive and wanted to take her 10 month old baby into the hotel restaurant that didnt allow kids under the age of 12. She said that she was asleep and wouldnt disturb anyone but I pointed out that she could wake up and start crying and what would happen if they were half way through their dinner. I felt that the hotel policy was right and there does need to be child free places. Not everyone wants to be surrounded by other people's children asleep or not.

Am I being unreasonable? She has gone off in a huff now.....

OP posts:
doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 16:15

lol at "making you as uncomfortable as possible"

sorrento · 05/02/2009 16:15

I find that utterly odd that babies piss you off no matter what, well maybe I don't some people piss me off by simply breathing but I don't think I have any right to tell them not to breath.

Original poster
Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 16:15

Before this goes downhill..

Sorrento - are you Italian by any chance. I ask not only because Italy is one of my favourite places but because it has quite a unique child friendly atmosphere that I have yet to experience anyone else but I wonder if it has something to do with the weather and often being outside when you are eating. We went to Ravello last year and it is truly stunning. One of the most beautiful places in the world.

But I still welcome child free places!

OP posts:
bangandthedirtisgone · 05/02/2009 16:15

This is why we only eat at the harvester these days.

DunderMifflin · 05/02/2009 16:16

We're not saying that our children are/were vile its just that we can understand if adults want to enjoy a child-free meal!

That doesn't make us strange, well I don't think it does...

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 16:16

no, sorrento, not vile but ANNOYING

Surely being really loud and irritating is just normal toddler behaviour?

sorrento · 05/02/2009 16:17

Interestingly I find the 5 star restuarants are the absolute nicest to children, both the staff and the customers, obviously they realise that manner cost nothing and you treat people as you'd wish to be treated yourself whether it's a baby or an adult.
We were at a 5 star resort in Mexico and my daughter did something I felt I should apologise for and the managers exact words were "I've seen adults do a whole lot worse madam"

Tee2072 · 05/02/2009 16:18

I haven't read the whole thread, but I wanted to mention that it isn't just the UK that has childfree places. The US has plenty of them.

There are just some places that children do not belong. If you have kids, don't bring them to those places. Easy Peasy.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2009 16:20

Traceybath - we're going for lunch. You can't book dinner more than one month in advance at the weekend without also booking to stay overnight there. At £500 a room we decided to give that a miss!!

Doggie - you are right there is a massive difference between lunch and dinner.

OP - your sil is BU. If the restaurant policy is no kids then other people go there with the expectation that there will be no children. I can also understand about her not wanting to take a sleeping baby into a loud restaurant full of kids enjoying their dinner. IMO this is why room service is your friend

The cultural thing is such a good point. I took DS to France for a week with my Dad when he was 3 months old and everywhere we ate the staff and other guests made a huge fuss over him and smiled indulgently when he cried, and generally made me feel that he - and I with him - were very welcome. That doesn't really happen in this country, there is tutting and you feel embarrassed and harrassed which isn't nice.

Coldtits · 05/02/2009 16:23

babies piss a lot of people off. Toddlers and older children have lost even the biological charm they had as babies, and piss even more people off. Not everyone likes children, a LOT of people don't, no matter how charming and well behaved they are (and that in itself is a matter of opinion, behaviors some people consider cute, others may find supremely naugfhty and irritating).

Why would you want to take your children to a place where they are not welcome, not wanted and actively disliked?

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/02/2009 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MsSparkle · 05/02/2009 16:25

YANBU. It's not an unreasonable request to not allow children in a restuarant. I find that these kind of restuarants are full of people who either don't have children, so would prefer to dine in an adult only place or people who have children but are having a night off from their own kids so want to dine without other peoples kids around them.

Plus i think it's bullsh@t when people say "But if you don't allow children in these places, how will they learn to behave?" When i was growing up i NEVER went to fancy restuarants or anykind of restuarant for that matter simply because my mum couldn't afford it. If i go to a restaurant now though, i know how to behave and am polite and have mannors despite never going as a kid.

Hulababy · 05/02/2009 16:26

If the hotel restaurant said no children then that is their policiy - and you don't take children, regardless of age and whether awake or asleep.

However I do dislike such rules for restaurants. How do children learn to behave appropriately when eating out if they are not allowed in the restaurants to start with? We have eaten out with DD since she was a newborn, she is now 6y. We go out at least once a week and have been to lots of different restaurants in some very nice and some expensive ones. DD knows how to behave in a restaurant so I feel it is appropriate to take her and would be disappointed if people disapproved of her being there (if not a hild free place) - she etas her meal nicelyy, she stays seated, she chats and talks, and at the end of the meal if the adults are still having a drink and chat and she is getting a bit restless she will read, colour or play her DS quietly without disturbing people.

I personally wouldn't choose a holiday resort where the restaurant was child free..

Original poster
Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 16:29

Sometimes we try and carry on living our lives as though we dont have children. We stroll into places that actually arent suitable for our kids and assume that as they are OUR children they will be fine and everyone will love them just like we do. But it isnt fair on them. My 11 year old likes buffets because they allow him to stop for a reasonable break (in his opinion!) and then be off playing with his friends whereas I like a 2 hour meal with a glass of champagne, nice food that is freshly cooked and a decent coffee. Surely this would not appeal to a toddler/young child.

OP posts:
sorrento · 05/02/2009 16:30

"Why would you want to take your children to a place where they are not welcome, not wanted and actively disliked?"

As I say that's a British thing maybe, or maybe not actually we've eaten in Stratford and London with all three children, early evening certainly been gone before 9pm, but the staff have been wonderful and if any other diners are there making cats bum faces well they can get over themselves, I never saw it though. My babies are people too and since I'm paying the bill the same as everyone else i'll have who ever I like to dine with.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 05/02/2009 16:32

Sorrento - sorry but you are coming across as being a total snob. We are discussing a principle here, not name dropping about which 5-star restaurants we are privileged enough to have visited.

I like nice places too, and the fact that I do not get to go to them often does not mean my kids eat like pigs.

sorrento · 05/02/2009 16:33

Sorry, which ones did I name ?

Original poster
Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 16:36

I fear Sorrento that you are exactly the sort of parent we are all trying to avoid. Your children can do no wrong, up to them how they behave and we all have to put up with it.

OP posts:
MsSparkle · 05/02/2009 16:36

You can teach your kids table mannors at home or at friends houses. You don't need to go to fancy restaurants with them to teach them mannors.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 05/02/2009 16:38

You are being deliberately obtuse - its insulting.

'Interestingly I find the 5 star restuarants are the absolute nicest to children...Mexico..' wtf

Blu · 05/02/2009 16:40

Hulababy - unfortunately I think a lot of places impose a 'no-child' rule because many parents have children who do NOT want to sit and eat nicely, and then read or colour nicely, but tear about - DS used to be one of these creatures. But unlike me, many parents think that it is perfectly OK to let your children run round other people's tables or slob around with terrible (not just 'child-like') manners, or shriek very loudly.

And it doesn't necessarily come from 'teaching them' or letting them learn' if they just aren't of an age and / or disposition to sit down enjoying eating. DS used to be awful - now he is older he is great. he learned when he was ready.

I have certainly had cats arse faces made openely at us when we have eaten out in france! Not sure where this 'only in UK' thing comes from!

But then I have been mortified by DS's restaurant behaviour a couple of times...which is why I stayed away before he was ready to settle down.

FrostyTheBodyBag · 05/02/2009 16:41

Sorrento, I couldn't agree with you more.

The attitude of parents! on here about children and babies is odd, dissapointing and very poor.

Peachy · 05/02/2009 16:42

The 4 / 5 resort in the village makes a real effort for kids- playroom, beads etc.

If it didn't, I just wouldn't go. I suspect a place that doen't like children and I wouldn't get n!

However I think the best mix is restaurants who have a no children after 8pm policy, best of both worlds.

Hulababy · 05/02/2009 16:42

But why shouldn't children be allowed in nice fancy restaurants - if they are quiet, well behaved, well mannered and stay seated? Why should they not be allowed to enjoy the food in such places? Some children like eating out and enjoy trying lots of different foods. So long as you use common sense and don;t stay longer than your child can deal with, and expect your children to behave accordingly - I can;t see the problem.

I have had dinners out spoilt by grown adults mkigng too much noise arouns me far more often than I have by a child

sorrento · 05/02/2009 16:43

Do you know what my children are impeccably behaved because they do not eat at restuarant's where getting down and running about is an option.
We don't have crayons, we have conversations, we don't have over fried processed rubbish to eat which makes the children sluggish or sugar filled pop which sends them up the walls.