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AIBU?

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Original poster

Babies in upmarket restaurant

192 replies

Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 14:48

I have upset my SIL who went on holiday recently somewhere really expensive and wanted to take her 10 month old baby into the hotel restaurant that didnt allow kids under the age of 12. She said that she was asleep and wouldnt disturb anyone but I pointed out that she could wake up and start crying and what would happen if they were half way through their dinner. I felt that the hotel policy was right and there does need to be child free places. Not everyone wants to be surrounded by other people's children asleep or not.

Am I being unreasonable? She has gone off in a huff now.....

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/02/2009 15:35

Nor me Mayor. I'm just jealous that Ican't afford to go to this type of place myself!

Coldtits · 05/02/2009 15:35

No, I don't have a children should be seen aand not heard mentality. When I take my children out, we go where children are both seen AND heard. When I go without my children, I don't to hear children, or indeed see them. So I go to places where children are not welcome. Places where hildren are welcome are great - but I do not go to them if I don't have my own children with me.

As for teaching children how to behave in adult restaurants .... why? I never take them to adult restaurants and won't until they are adults, but which time I would hope distraction with felt tips and keeping the conversation understandable to a five year old wouldn't be necessary.

BrownSuga · 05/02/2009 15:35

I'd really hate it for my DS if the only restaurants he could access were the child friendly types which serve childrens menus of fish and chips or burger and chips or spag bol. I can cook that stuff at home if I had the inclination. When we go out, we like to eat things I can't cook or would find difficult to cook myself.

But I would still respect a restaurant having a no child policy and not try to force my way in. Like Dilly said, I'd be so embarrased to be asked to leave in the middle of my dinner due to tantrumming toddler.

I did have concerns here in Montreal going out with DS, not sure what the local custom was. But my local mate said BrownSuga, it's Montreal, you can take kids anywhere, which to me is nice. But not everyones cup of tea admittedly.

StealthPolarBear · 05/02/2009 15:36

I think the legal answer is that age discrimination only applies to adults under the age of 65!

Coldtits · 05/02/2009 15:37

PS I never ate anywhere except someone's house or a cafe until I was 17 - I know how to behave in a restaurant.

StealthPolarBear · 05/02/2009 15:37

but I could be wrong , the only stuff I know is from a single day course around employment!

BrownSuga · 05/02/2009 15:39

Every Friday, my parents took us to Tommo's Family Restaurant. Gosh, I still remember the name. I ALWAYS chose fish and chips, my brother, the sophisticate, would be ordering up oysters or mussels or steak.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:43

That makes sense stealth, the over 65 thing I mean.

I'm finding that DD only wants kids' menu type food at the moment anyway. She ate practically anything when she was a toddler but now taking her somewhere with fancier food would just be another stress - ie would she eat anything?

We go to a family run Italian place sometimes, DD can get decent pasta and they love kids. I just want it to be relaxed when we go out.

traceybath · 05/02/2009 15:44

DH and i had child free night away on saturday at calcot manor.

Now its very child friendly there but one of the restaurants is meant to be child free in the evenings. There is a more informal pub which serves high tea for children and lots of babysitting services.

However on sat night there was a baby in pram in the 'child-free' restaurant. Now baby slept so didn't matter but i just wondered why the parents would put themselves through the stress of worrying what would happen if the baby did wake. I would also i'm afraid have been very unimpressed if i had to eat my meal to the sound of baby crying - apologies if that makes me a horrid person.

I did check the hotel policy out of interest and apparently the whole question is up to management discretion which i'm guessing is the case in most places.

As others have said when i'm without my own children i don't want to be bothered by other peoples

mayorquimby · 05/02/2009 15:44

"I'd really hate it for my DS if the only restaurants he could access were the child friendly types which serve childrens menus of fish and chips or burger and chips or spag bol."

and i'd agree with you completely.my parents took me out to nice restaurants all the time when i was young, not just specificly "child-friendly" places.
i'm not saying all upmarket restaurants should be child-free as many aren't and i'd agree with alot of people who have said that it is good for children to experience the social occassion that is eating in a nice restaurant.
what i am saying however is that if a restaurant chooses to be child-free (as in the op) as they think it would be better for their patrons and at the end of the day their profits, that should be respected. i can't stand people who think it is their decision wether or not to respect this policy and then start going on about discrimination etc. it's exactly the same as child-free wedding threads where parents think they can just ignore it as they see no reason for "my child to be excluded" when it patently is their decision.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:45

tracey I wonder if that's where OP's sil went for her holiday?

mayorquimby · 05/02/2009 15:46

** should read "is patently not their decision"

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:46

Yes mayorquimby.

Exactly.

sorrento · 05/02/2009 15:47

Our 1 year old ate in some of the finest restuarants in the world in her buggy asleep, if she woke she charmed other dinners with her smiles and gurgling and nobody ever complained, oh yes I for got that wasn't in Britain.

ThingOne · 05/02/2009 15:47

What I hate when I go out is when people ignore their screaming child as they want to finish off their nice meal. Sorry, if your child screams, attend to it. Yes at home it may be OK to ignore a tantrum but don't inflict it on other people.

Often a quick once around the block is enough to calm them down; sometimes you just need to leave with your child and take it in turns to finish the meal. Many children do go through a stage when it's too much to sit at a table for an hour, or they're having a bad day, and it's just not fair on them to push them to the point of screaming. Personally after three meals where we had to take it in turns to sit and eat while the other paraded round with DS1 we realised we had to give restaurants a wide berth for a bit. We were quicker off the mark with DS2 .

BrownSuga · 05/02/2009 15:47

I agree it should be respected MayorQ. I just have time on my hands, and am still pondering the legality of it. Not that I'd ever cause a fuss.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:49

sorrento did you also forget she wasn't screaming, knocking things over and generally being a pita?

Or did you forget that you can't make a generalisation for all children in all situations from your experience?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2009 15:49

My Dad is taking us all to a v.posh restaurant for my Mum's birthday - won't name names but it's run by a French chef and it's near Oxford to give you a clue .
DS will be 8 months old and we'll be taking him with us. The restaurant provides organic purees/mashed up veg from it's garden for babies so clearly kids are very very welcome.
I'm sure that even with all that there will be some diners who will object to him being there, however well he behaves, because they will have gone there without their kids for a day off.

BrownSuga · 05/02/2009 15:51

That sounds great Aliba, I hope you all have a lovely evening.

traceybath · 05/02/2009 15:52

Ooh ali - i've always wanted to go there. Are you going for lunch or dinner?

I'd personally have no problems with any babies/children at lunchtime no matter how posh the restaurant.

Am v of you.

mayorquimby · 05/02/2009 15:53

"Our 1 year old ate in some of the finest restuarants in the world in her buggy asleep, if she woke she charmed other dinners with her smiles and gurgling and nobody ever complained, oh yes I for got that wasn't in Britain."

and that's great and i'm delighted you could do that over there, as in many other countries it is the culture and they wouldn't dream of not having children at a meal.
but it is not the culture in the british aisles for many upmarket restaurants and i think that should equally be respected.
when in rome should apply even at home when certain customs inconvenience you. (i am of course not talking about the wider cultures of some places with systematic abuse etc. i'm talking about the petty things like children in a restaurant or wearing a hat at the table etc)

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:53

Sounds lovely alibaba. People wouldn't really have any right to object, given the fact that the restaurant serves food for babies. They should therefore logically expect that there might be some babies there.

sorrento · 05/02/2009 15:54

Well my children simply don't do those things full stop in any restaurant so are American/European children better mannered than British ? Or is it because they go to nice places they know how they are expected to behave and rise to the ocassion.
If she had been screaming I would left of course, but it simply didn't happen and she was adored by the waiters and other diners alike.
If we feed our kids shite at trough like type tables then don't be surprised when they eat like pigs.

doggiesayswoof · 05/02/2009 15:55

lol sorrento

Original poster
Rocky12 · 05/02/2009 15:55

For the curious, it was Mauritius.

Sorrento, surely you cannot believe that EVERYONE around you regardless of where you were was charmed by your child.....

OP posts:
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