thinking that my husband might be abusing my child?

[morethanamum]

a very sensitive issue.
im shaking,crying and just want to know what happened yesterday when i went to the gp and left my kids with husband. in the evening dd1 started complaining about her genitals,i noticed redness and while applying some sudocrem i asked her "what caused it?"she said "daddy"i asked "how did he do that?"she put her hand over her genitals.i confronted him,he was furious and said im crazy and dd1 must have said this like she always does when i ask her about who did stuff she says mummy or daddy,even though i know it isn`t true.but why did she touch herself?was she just pointing at the pain?when she was 1 and 1/5 she sometimes would touch husband on genitals.we tried ignoring her and convert attention.it worked but afew days ago she did it again.
now should i believe a 3 year old.or is she lying.how can i know the truth before i do something stupid?

Glad you are getting her checked, you are doing the right thing.

Firstly I would like to say that this must be a very difficult situation for you. Feel proud of yourself as a parent for LISTENING and HEARING what your daughter has said to you.

I have read through everyones 'advice' and 'suggestions' and 'interpretations'.

Whether or not your husband has or has not hurt your daughter I would suggest you speak with people 'trained' in this area for further help.

NSPCC or Childline would be my suggestion or if you have a good relationship with your GP. The NSPCC and Childline will be anonymous. The GP will be obliged to report concerns to the appropriate authorities.

I would suggest you do not ignore your feelings or your daughters comments. (It is always easier to 'explain away' why things have or have not happened). If there is nothing in them then it can be resolved.

I am pleased to hear you are seeking help for your daughter. Please also seek some support for you too you are being very brave and kind by supporting your daughter. This is a very difficult thing to do.

It is impossible to put in to words what emotions you must be feeling....

If you take your DD to the GP and ask him to examine her for signs of sexual abuse he will also contact social services. I would imagine he will do this regardless of what he finds.

something feels decidedly odd about this post....but maybe it's just me

i am kind of with you , ronaldiniho

but am not sure

I'm a bit confused.

Op said husband was passive when dd touched him for the first time but in her posts about it a year ago she said he shouted at her and removed her hand.

Im leaving this thread Idont like where its heading - if the post is for real I hope the op gets support if its a troll then im sad.

A french kiss?

You are saying that your husband put his tongue inside the mouh of your baby daughter and waggled it around Is that what you are saying? Well, yes it is, that is a 'french kiss'.

And this was not worth mentioning until halfway down the thread, when people had been asking you since your op if you had any other reason to suspect him?

I would have thought that would have been a very good reason to suspect someone.

If anyone is in this situation, I think it is best to err on the side of caution. Anyone who has seen such inappropriate behaviour has a duty to take action. A sore bum could be anything -wiping, changing, bathing whatever, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about that, but sticking your tongue down a baby's throat is a police job. If indeed that is what happened.

Ok a good first step is seeing the doctor. At least the OP can then if neccessary rule out infection etc.

The french kissing bit and the reaction from the daughter touching the genitals disturbs me. My Dh would NOT have reacted passively about this. He would remove the child and explain that it isn't appropriate.

And the more I think about it I think that him being furious is veering on the guiltier side. I would expect him to be shocked and horrified,upset but furious no.

I HOPE, HOPE, HOPE that this has all been a misunderstanding, but from what you have said it needs addressing.

Either this is completely untrue in which case the OP is clearly in need of some help.

Or else it is all true and the fact that some posters feel this needs checking has scared her.

Maybe she was trying not to assume the worse for any number of reasons and now feels scared at the enormity of the situation.

I kind of hope it is all untrue so that a child has not been abused.

agree hecate

it is not teh sort of think you would forget and teh OP was asked several times if she had any oyher reason to think he was a risk to their DD

But squirdle her dh didn't react passively here

Op hasn't told us the details about the kiss so I'm still confused

Oh ok, I hadn't seen that. I do hope this isn't a wind up, I would be very upset if it was!! This is a very sensitive subject for me and while I don't want to scaremonger or anything, I also would hate to think of it carrying on if indeed it is.

Oh so on that thread she said he reacted with anger and on this he was passive

I hope it is NOT a troll. What kind of mind could make up such a story and to what end?

I will react with anger if this turns out be a hoax!!

the OP has deliberately ignored repeated questions and been stupidly obtuse about others

wind-up, and a sick one at that

Agree with dittany - if you think the OP is a troll, why not just ignore the thread?

I think it's worth giving her the benefit of the doubt myself.

dittany is right...she could be in denial. My grandmother still is even though 3 out of 4 of her grandaughters were abused, my grandfather was arrested and charged and then killed himself. She doesn't want to believe it!

My bullshit detector was on overdrive all day today, thnking about this thread. Im still not sure about it, but i think that whatever the reason, the OP needs some help. I have just seen her thread from this time last year, if you were trolling you would get bored in that time - i think there is much much more here than what we are reading and whether the problem lies with the DH or the OP i don't know, but i do know that this FAMILY needs some help and needs it fast.

OP PLEASE go to your GP - explain your anxieties (that might be all it is, over anxious, as someone who suffers from health anxiety i know how it sends logic and common sense out of the window). You should NOT be feeling this about your partner, if its true then you need to get your DD out of the situation asap, but if you are over worrying due to anxietyi - there is help out there for you, im sorry if i was blunt earlier, i sniffed a troll, but now i think you need help and want to tell you there are sympathetic professionals out there who will help you.

My bullshit detector was on overdrive all day today, thnking about this thread. Im still not sure about it, but i think that whatever the reason, the OP needs some help. I have just seen her thread from this time last year, if you were trolling you would get bored in that time - i think there is much much more here than what we are reading and whether the problem lies with the DH or the OP i don't know, but i do know that this FAMILY needs some help and needs it fast.

OP PLEASE go to your GP - explain your anxieties (that might be all it is, over anxious, as someone who suffers from health anxiety i know how it sends logic and common sense out of the window). You should NOT be feeling this about your partner, if its true then you need to get your DD out of the situation asap, but if you are over worrying due to anxietyi - there is help out there for you, im sorry if i was blunt earlier, i sniffed a troll, but now i think you need help and want to tell you there are sympathetic professionals out there who will help you.