to expect mothers not to break off an adult conversation mid sentence because their dc has just toddled up...

[Fairynufff]

It usually happens in the middle of some really deep life crisis/personal revelation and then a child will toddle up (not an emergency) and the mother will just start cooing at the child about the toy/biscuit/whatever the child is waving around! Hello? We were in a conversation here...

Only in this house it is more like ....
'pink powerranger is a girl. She is a woman. That means she's female. She isn't male. Pink is for ladies'.

i have to say i am with the people on here who think it is incredibly frustrating (and rude)when someone's child keeps interruptings, especially over the age of about 4 or 5.

i have countless friends who will be deep in conversation with me one minute, then chatting to their 7/8/9yr old about something else just as i was mid sentence!

though i do understand how hard it is with toddlers and little ones who need the loo!!

DD1 (aged 5) now buts in politely as in 'I know you are talking Mummy but could I just ask you something' or similar. DS id picking that up from her and DD2 is 10 months so she just goes right ahead and shouts very loudly until everyone pays her attention.

Sparklesandwine - love it!

Hang on a minute, the original post clearly said the OP was referring to a toddler. Preschoolers or older children do not "toddle", wave biscuits at their mothers or respond particularly well to being cooed at.

Of course it is reasonable to expect an older child to have a notion of manners and that it is not polite to rudely interrupt any conversation (not just that of adults BTW). Of course it is not reasonable or healthy to make an older child the centre of everything and everyone's attention. However I couldn't say that a "children should be seen and not heard" approach is healthy either.

However, the OP was talking about a mother stopping the conversation to respond to her toddler. IMVHO I don't see the problem with that, infact I find something quite self centred about it.

As for all the "oh these poor unenlightened mothers who practice child centred parenting, don't they know the fate that will befall them? Don't they know what social and emotional monsters they are creating" crap, it really gets on my nerves. Parenting is not an absolute. I am not an absolute. Sometimes I might act in a way which is very child centred, other times I might act in a self centred way. My values and beliefs might place me somewhere on the parenting continuum but it doesn't mean I must only act in a certain way according to that.

All this smacks of to me is putting on your judgypants and your best cat's arse face because the way someone else did it is not your way.

self centred about having a problem with it I mean

Lol at orangehead's story. Very funny.

I think it depends how gracefully the Mum breaks off, so I think YANBU.

I get the impression from Anna's posts that she would be very charming whilst breaking off her conversation with another adult, so probably no-one would be offended.

I have a friend with two children, one of whom is nearly five. She constantly breaks off to attend to him, and frequently leaves me hanging on the phone (with no warning or explanation) because he wants her to turn the TV over or something equally important. She then comes back to the phone and carries on talking as though nothing has happened. Very, very rude.

Mimia - in my OP I wasn't talking about 'responding' to a toddler although I also meant (but didn't state) children of any age really. Some people on this thread haven't got it - I don't mean when a toddler is screaming/waiting to say something/about to spill a drink/needing a cuddle etc. Of course I would be very unreasonable to have a problem with that. I'm always interrupting conversations to do all of those things (and it drives DH mad). What I mean is when a mother breaks off mid-sentence, just because she wants to say something to the child, usually something quite trivial. I was left hanging on the phone for about 5 minutes when a mum decided mid-sentence she was going to have a protracted chatty-whatty with her 2 yr old about which colour egg cup he wanted (she had called me). I was furious at the time. Now, as an older and more experienced mother I would probably either put the phone down or say 'call me back when you've finished'. Rude. No other word for it. Even if you are BonsoirAnna you are 'modelling' rude behaviour.

I agree with the OP... I find it incredibly irritating when friends (and I have a couple of friends who do this) stop listening / talking to me mid-sentence & turn their attention to their child who is doing some interesting thing or other, WITHOUT the child having requested their attention. The thing is, in my opinion friends are very important, and they shouldn't always come second- especially when this is done in a blatant, rude way- to one's child. I do understand of course that kids' needs often require immediate attention, but that's what a brief 'I'm sorry, I won't be a second is for'. What I actively dislike is parents who suddenly lose the skill to have an adult conversation about non-baby-related matters, and who feel their child is and should be the centre, the first consideration in everything. Well no, the feelings of friends are also very important, and should be respected.

It's a different matter (and I'm not unreasonable) when a toddler demands attention, in those circumstances of course it's easier/quicker to just respond, after quickly apologizing to the friend you're not talking to, & then return to the conversation. But this is a matter of common sense, and I think we would all agree with this...

By the way, in response to Anna, I think saying to a child 'just a second, I'm talking to my friend' IS modelling good behaviour. It is NOT instruction. I really don't see how constantly allowing interruptions is modelling any sort of good behaviour.

Anyway, as I said I'm completely with the OP in this... I

Fairy, as you know, I've been right here beside you nodding in agreement all along.

Something else that drives me nuts is when people don't read the OP's post properly.

Maria seems to have got it though. She's summed it up very succinctly, hasn't she?

Indeed she has eekamoose - thank you for being there! I'm just still mystified by it and would love an insight into what is in their mind when they do it - (and I'll repeat the disclaimer again just in case)- in the circumstances as described so eloquently by Maria...

I think Fairy, that the point is that there isn't anything in their mind except their DC.

Some parents lose the ability to think about anything except their children when they have kids.

For some, this is a short term aberation that leads to them starting threads on MN a few months/years later saying, "I am so embarassed - I did x,y,z when DC was tiny because I genuinely thought he/she was more important than anything and that of course my friend's divorce was not nearly as important to her as DC playing with a ball".

However, for others, it's more or less lifelong. Those people are tiring and exhausting and largely a waste of space. And their children won't thank them for it either in the long term - wait until the DC is 14 and trying to get it together with their first proper boyfriend/girlfriend!

Fairymuff has it never occurred to you that some mothers do put their young children seeking approval and recognition for their achievements well above innate chat with friends. Children need interaction and to be told when they are doing well. Children who are constantly ignored because they are being 'seen and not heard' quite often become the attention seekers through behaving badly. When children learn that you respond to them without them coming to you every time they become less demanding in the long run.

I don't like it when children continually interupt and I also have a friend with a dd the same age as mine (3yo) who does the mummy,mummy,mummy thing with no aim at the end except to not have mummy talk- PITA. I find that far worse than the odd comment to keep a child knowing you are paying them attention without doing it iyswim. IME it stops the constant interruptions and you can pick the time to do it. I agree mid sentence without warning is rude, however, a long explanation of why you are doing x,y,z will break the flow of conversation even more!

Dillydaydreamer - you haven't heard a word I've said! It is not about the child 'interrupting' it is about the mother interrupting a conversation over nothing. And sometimes an inane (I think you meant to say) chat with another adult is sometimes blessed relief from the real inanity can be looking after toddlers 24/7.

Whoops I meant to say 'the real inanity that can be looking after toddlers 24/7'. And while I'm here: "When children learn that you respond to them without them coming to you every time they become less demanding in the long run." IME it is the opposite.

There is rather a large difference between being "constantly ignored" and being told to wait a minute because Mummy is talking, though.

Oh Fairy - those you understand your original post agree with you. Those who don't (understand), are concerned that the rest of us all believe children should be seen and not heard and that a 2 yo should have the discipline to wait. It's a no win!

But why do chats with friends have to be 'inane'? I love having chats with friends, I can't remember an occasion when I find them 'inane'. And also, who said anything about a toddler being constantly ignored? Honestly, what the OP said had nothing to do with that...

Oh God, this is just going round in circles.

OP - you are not BU in the slightest

Fairynuff: if it is really 'not about the child interrupting but about the mother interrupting a conversation over nothing' then I think your conversations must be pretty boring. If I was having a great conversation with a friend then I wouldn't break off for no reason, but if it was with someone who says things like 'I don't brag in reply because it's not in my nature' then I might be inclined to find my child more appealing.

flimflammum - You like conversations with braggarts? Perhaps that's it. I don't meet the bullshit brag quota for these women to find me 'interesting'. I should actually be grateful they break off - it spares me the misery!

Thanks GreekWeddingWithBling and BettyTurnip.
'ppreciate it!

What makes me sad is when adults ignore children who are waiting patiently or saying 'excuse me' politely. Fine to take a few seconds to respond but ignoring them for minutes on end when they are being polite is a bit off. And will eventually cause them to start being a bit more forceful - you are teaching them that being polite gets them nowhere.

But it's not such a big issue that I'd comment on it to the other adult. Just makes me feel sad for the poor kid who is being ignored.