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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mothers not to break off an adult conversation mid sentence because their dc has just toddled up...

208 replies

Fairynufff · 24/01/2009 19:05

It usually happens in the middle of some really deep life crisis/personal revelation and then a child will toddle up (not an emergency) and the mother will just start cooing at the child about the toy/biscuit/whatever the child is waving around! Hello? We were in a conversation here...

OP posts:
OhBling · 26/01/2009 16:59

How long did it go on for with this friend though? I had a friend who was terrible with this for about a year, then she got over it.

Now the poor kids get entirely ignored when she's drinking wine having a deep meaningful conversation with me.

Original poster
Fairynufff · 26/01/2009 17:34

OhBling - friend has been like it since her children were born - she hothouses them: they don't sit down for a minute. Both kids are always at dancing/swimming/violin/horseriding/hockey etc. and if they have a spare minute they rota the family in to take them to museums/london for the day/art galleries. I am the total opposite (believe in benign neglect) - their kids freak out at our house because wall-to-wall personal attention isn't laid on - they go bouncing round the house because they've never learnt to play by themselves. Any snatched conversations we have (before she breaks off again!) are all about her comparing her kids with mine or bragging: "x has done this, x has won this competition, x has been picked to do this." Bores me rigid but I never brag back (even though I could) because it's not in my nature. My personal favourite was "x simply adores Lyme Regis" (she was 6 at the time). What makes me sorry for x is that she is the most charmless child you ever did meet and if you try to engage her or ask her a question she looks at her mother to answer it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairynufff · 26/01/2009 17:43

OhBling - Just to add - I have tried ask my friend out by herself so they we can have a night out together (like we did when we were younger) without kids but she always finds some way to bring the kids into it "well maybe if we met a bit earlier we could bring kids and then take them bowling..." etc. I just don't bother anymore... I dutifully meet up every once in a while, endure it and then breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. I don't even care when she breaks off mid-conversation now I'm so over it.

OP posts:
sparklesandwine · 26/01/2009 17:49

this IS my life!!

Original poster
Fairynufff · 26/01/2009 18:00

Brilliant! Thank you sparklesandwine best laugh so far this week!

OP posts:
OhBling · 26/01/2009 18:19

Oh god, she sounds hideous. even when mine was in her weird obsessive phase, she still jumped at opportunity for girls nights out sans kids!

thumbwitch · 26/01/2009 18:22

Ha! You think that's bad, you should try being on the phone to your mum and the bloody cat taking precedence! "ooh hello pussycat, do you want a stroke, hmmm?"

ChippingIn · 26/01/2009 18:45

Megami - he sounds like a lovely wee boy How do you feel about arranged marriages

Couldn't agree with your point more.

ChippingIn · 26/01/2009 18:49

BonsoirAnna - of course they learn language by being talked to and having conversations AND by being shown what things are, they are taught that this is a cat, this is a dog, this is green, this is red...we do not just assume one day they will know all these things by being around them long enough - we teach them and whilst we are doing that, some of us teach them manners and social skills as well.

BonsoirAnna · 26/01/2009 18:54

Example and experience is so much more powerful than instruction as a teaching tool, though...

littleboyblue · 26/01/2009 18:57

I did it today and thought of this thread! Me and ds (17m) were waiting for the bus and got talking to this very sweet little old lady and ds is pointing to the traffic saying "car, car, car" and everytime he did it, I turned to him whilst this woman was still talking to me and saying "that's right, car, clever boy. Sorry, you were saying..."
Just thought I'd share that

ahfeckit · 26/01/2009 19:13

i had to laugh when i saw this thread because it happens to me alot when i'm talking with friends, other mums etc. my ds is 21 mo, so he interrupts a lot but he doesn't know any better, he just wants my attention.

OP don't get so upset over it, these things happen.

it's called motherhood.
yabu.

eekamoose · 26/01/2009 19:20

Imagine you don't rely on example and experience when dc about to touch hot iron or step off pavement into busy road though Anna ...

BonsoirAnna · 26/01/2009 19:26

Why on earth would example and experience not work for hot irons and busy roads?

thumbwitch · 26/01/2009 19:39

well, example/experience of the REASON why you don't touch hot irons etc. might be difficult to demonstrate without actually hurting yourself...

BonsoirAnna · 26/01/2009 19:44

The example is that of the way you, as an adult, behave around hot irons and busy roads...

Anyway, since even the school dinner lady asks me how I managed to bring my DD up to be so good at looking after herself, I am not going to be convinced that modelling isn't the right way .

ChippingIn · 26/01/2009 19:48

Sparklesandwine - best laugh I have had in ages!!

LOL that is why I teach them early to say/ask for things once and wait for an answer and I answer them quickly ... cos if they were like that they wouldn't make their 3rd birthday!!!

pamelat · 26/01/2009 19:52

My DD is 12 months so unfortunately I dont have the luxury of asking her to not interupt!

If someone wants to really talk to me then they can organise a glass of wine in an evening.

YABU

ChippingIn · 26/01/2009 19:57

BonsoirAnna - are you really serious? You expect a child to learn not to run in the road or burn themselves on an iron (or 100 other things) without actually explaining to them the dangers?! Without saying 'No' or 'Stop' or 'Hold Mummys hand' or anything else??

Both LO3 and LO1 are both very independent and able to look after themselves - they are polite and lovely little girls - so I'm not going to be convinced that waiting for them to work out the world around them without any help (modelling alone) is the right way

Smithagain · 26/01/2009 20:08

I think the interrupted conversations are par for the course with toddlers, unfortunately. But the trouble is in many cases it carries on waaaaaay after toddlerhood.

Am now thinking of a friend's child who always, always, always interrupts every single conversation. And then has NOTHING TO SAY! Just blatantly interrupts because she can't bear it if her mummy is talking to another adult. I mean sometimes it's "mummy, mummy, mummy .... um ..um..... I just don't want you to talk mummy."

I don't know how/why her mum puts up with it and it is beginning to drive me nuts.

And breathe...

Miyazaki · 26/01/2009 21:05

Anna I do very much agree with you [where is the rolling eyes emoticon when you need it..] Oh well, this one will have to do.

thumbwitch · 26/01/2009 22:01
stoppinattwo · 27/01/2009 07:03

LOL I remember a conversation I heard a number of years ago....my mother and a friend were talking and I was sat listening the other ladies DS was hovvering about hopping from one leg to the other ....finally his mother said "for goodness sake DS what is it you want" to which he replied " I was wondering mummy at what point it would be polite to interrupt" at which my mother looked at each other and smiled...wanting to lol but trying to be polite...he continued "only mummy I really do need to pee"

I think you trust your judgement about allowing your child to interrupt, it doesnt do them any harm once they realise that they can hang on just a minute and the world wont stop spinning. even pre-schoolers, otherwise you end up with a child that is as demanding in school as they are at home . I will make my children wait if I am talking, they do try and interrupt adult convos and especially when I am on the telephone . I do agree it is different with toddlers, but I think a quite assessment of the situation should establish if the interruption is life threatening or not , and if not pick a convenient pause in the convo.

But remember....show your child the same respect and if an adult interrupts a conversation you are having with a child then do the same for them....I know so many adults who will walk away from a childs convo which granted may actually take some time to grasp the relevance but however is very important to them....they have their centre stage let them talk uninterrupted too

Othersideofthechannel · 27/01/2009 07:18

I sometimes have to walk away from DS's convo but that is because he is such a chatterbox and has discovered synonyms so says everything 4 times over using different words. It's usually quite interesting to hear how he's using language but when you've got to get ready for work, you've got to get ready for work.

When I can get a word in edegways, I excuse myself before walking off though!

stoppinattwo · 27/01/2009 07:33

Iswym otherside........"yes darling that is very interesting that pink powerranger is a girl!!" but I really have to got and get dressed .