to expect mothers not to break off an adult conversation mid sentence because their dc has just toddled up...

[Fairynufff]

It usually happens in the middle of some really deep life crisis/personal revelation and then a child will toddle up (not an emergency) and the mother will just start cooing at the child about the toy/biscuit/whatever the child is waving around! Hello? We were in a conversation here...

Nobody said anything about barking.

I agree that children have to learn to wait, but I think some of you are being oversensitive, as it is all to do with multi-tasking, and most mums don't realise they're doing it. Most of my coverstaions go something like this:
"So how have you-(don't do that)-been lately?-(Put that down)-We haven't seen you for-(don't eat that, put it back in the potty)-ages."
I swear my friends don't notice the breaks any more!

It is a phrase which I have always heard barked when out and about. People never seem to look at the child when they say it either.

That's different to actually stopping the adult conversation to talk directly to your child if they interrupt though. If they are eating/doing something dodgy, of course one would stop talking!

Perhaps they see it as a welcome interruption from listening to you?

are you suggesting a child with immediacy issues can suppress demands because you're in crisis?

i think not

and tbh yes i would break off to attend to my child in preference to ignoring requests to listen to someone drone about "crisis/personal revelation" yadda yada

"I suppose it would teach her to get used to people being dismissive of her - that may be a useful life skill - if I just turn and bark "mummy's talking" at her whenever she tries to get my attention!"

Please read the op and other people's point of view properly. Please! "if I just turn and bark ..." jeeeeeeeeeeeeez

i think most people are in the middle, and will pay the right amount of attention without even worrying about it. The issue is people who take it to extremes by either constantly ignoring their child or constantly engaging with their child. Neither child learns turn taking, manners etc as a result.

My friend told me that she was told recently by someone else that her children (my friend's) were the worst behaved children she had ever met. I said, 'oh they're not that bad', but they actually are awful. They have never been taught not to interrupt, not to pick things up in shops, not to run in restaurants or lower their voices etc because my friend is 'child centered.' I avoid going out places with her if she has the kids because it makes other people so obviously angry and I am embarrassed! I can't see how it is good for her children's self esteem that many other adults are responding to them with such obvious dislike.

She is extreme; people posting on this thread who talk to their kids during adult conversations are probably not being extreme!

I just think that it's a bit unfair to a child as young as 18months though.

Once they understand language, then you can explain that when mummy's talking to a friend they shouldn't interrupt (if that is what you want).

But how are you supposed to explain that to an 18 month old? She doesn't understand what I'm saying unless it's "sleep" or "cat".

How do I explain that mummy doesn't want to talk now and to come back later when I'm not busy?

Ok maybe for that young, I'll let you talk to her

Yes, 18 months is to young to understand. My cousin constantly breaks off to talk to her 18 month old, and I think that is because she is a caring parent. 18 month olds need a huge amount of adult interaction in order to acquire language skills.

eekamoose I have read the thread. I thought that the OP was fairly reasonable until I realised that people were applying this to pre-speech children as well, and that got my back up.

I felt ignored as a child, so I probably overcompensate but I never ignore DS, and used to make a point of responding to anything he said. Now he's 3 and a half, he's very confident and sociable (whereas I was very shy). I also would talk to other peope's kids, and sometimes found they would come up to me instead of their own mum at our local playgroup because I would give them a more positive reaction!

Actually no I take that back. The OP was

"It usually happens in the middle of some really deep life crisis/personal revelation and then a child will toddle up (not an emergency) and the mother will just start cooing at the child about the toy/biscuit/whatever the child is waving around! Hello? We were in a conversation here..."

Which sounds to me exactly like my daughter - 18 months - or a child of 12 months to about 2. It is about a toddler who is waving something around, not an older child.

The people who were talking about older children had it OK.

The OP and anyone else talking about pre-speech children (which it seems like the OP was talking about) are being unfair and a bit mean I reckon.

Ds (4) can cope with "In a minute, mummy's talking", dd (2) can't.

really not applicable to me,as my friends do not have melt down really deep life crisis/personal revelation -thank god

OP your expectation to have 'deep life crisis/personal revelation' conversations around children is inappropriate; if they're toddlers they are too young developmentally to have the capacity to realise they are interrupting (it takes a level of social skill for that which develops later) and if they're older well it's just inappropriate to talk about that stuff in front of them

You are the one who needs to moderate your behaviour not the children here.

Back again! I'm disappointed by how the thread has been turned into talking about the expectations of a toddler. I would never expect a toddler to 'know' that they shouldn't interrupt an adult conversation. It is about the rudeness of adults. If I was talking to someone and they started talking to someone else mid-sentence then that would be rude. Why is doing it to a child any different? I had already made the disclaimer that the toddler did not 'need' any specific attention at that second. I'm quite often mid chat with another adult where I suddenly feel the presence of my youngest child and I'll swiftly just put her on my lap and give her my keys/a book/a teddy without breaking eye contact. It's just polite to let the other adult know you are still interested in what they are saying. Isn't it? I spend a lot of time with my kids so I really value adult conversation when I get it.

Fairynufff - I hate this!

I always either explain to my child that I am talking, or depending on which child wants my attention (they are 9, 5 and 18 mo) I tell my friend 'excuse me a moment' and then deal with my child.
To break off mid-sentence is, to me, unspeakably rude and I hate it when people do it to me.

It's not rude to break off to talk briefly to a cihld who is too young to know it's interrupting; It happens all the time and I've never taken it as rude.

If your child is quietly hovering, fine, you are able to stick them on your lap but here we're talking about them 'interrupting' eg having something to say; and they need the courtesy of being replied to instead of ignored.

Adults should be grown up enough to accept this as a need that young children have. You just expect to break off until you can talk again.

adults (hopefully) come equipped with repertoire of social skills and ability to delay gratification/meeds. children are still acquiring these skills and will obviously not have same as adults

unrealistic to expect child to have same social skills as adult

It depends on how loud the toddler is and whether there is blood.

Well yes scottish mummy, but OP is only asking that the adult say "excuse me a moment" whilst they deal with the child, rather than just turn away.

Just good manners I think.

Depends on the age of the child. I am not arrogant enough to assume that my need for offloading my personal crises onto a friend is greater than the needs of her young child.

And I wouldn't have a deep and meaningful with a friend when older children are around either. They are notoriously nosy and would probably be earwigging!