to expect mothers not to break off an adult conversation mid sentence because their dc has just toddled up...

[Fairynufff]

It usually happens in the middle of some really deep life crisis/personal revelation and then a child will toddle up (not an emergency) and the mother will just start cooing at the child about the toy/biscuit/whatever the child is waving around! Hello? We were in a conversation here...

yes agree Old children should wait. Teaching my 4 year old now. it might not work at first.

I don't agree with ChippingIn. The reason that children do (or do not do) as their parents say is because they trust (or not) their parents and respect (or not) their parents' greater abilities and skills.

Younger children don't get waiting to speak.

After they start school, then they can understand.

It used to drive me potty when my DD interrupted. Now she might still try it but if I tell her to wait she accepts this. She was too used to being the only child and we let he do whatever for a while, so it's our fault that she still interrupts sometimes!

I totally agree with ChippingIn. Even the smallest of children can exist while another adult finishes a sentence! I've come to conclusion that mums use the toddler as an excuse to leave a conversation, which (when it happens to me) has usually started with them, either asking a deep and meaningful question or talking about their own issues (which as a friend, I take seriously). I still think that in most circumstances cutting off another adult is just plain rude. We can all say 'just one second while I'll get her tippee...etc' or give attention to the toddler non-verbally without having to completely cut off a conversation. Can't we?
And starbear - of course you can't have a conversation with a screaming 2yr old. That was not the spirit of my OP.

fairynuff, maybe the other mother/s just don't want to talk to you and are using the child as an excuse to get away!

I'm with ChippingIn too. Manners and social skills are something that are learnt, they don't just occur of their own accord.

Emotional intelligence (which is where true manners stem from) is modelled by parents for children to learn from.

YANBU.
The point is, sometimes it happens. But some parents are continuously interrupted by their kids, and I agree with MillyR- I avoid those parents.

MissMadeAMess - thanks

Starbear - a lot of what we do doesn't work at first - or this would be a cake walk huh! LOL

BonsoirAnna - so you are suggesting we let them do as they please and work out what is right and what is wrong until they understand what is being modelled isn't that a lot like being given a crossword puzzle without any clues??

LM - maybe your children don't, but maybe that is because they haven't been taught to. Miss 3 and Miss 21 months do at their age appropriate level. Miss 3 still more often than not interrupts but once reminded will wait nicely, Miss 21 months I smile at and hold her hand or pick her up and she is fine until I talk to her (and no - she is not at all a 'repressed child' and is not slow at asking for what she wants etc!!) Has it not occured to you that maybe the reason they suddenly learn these things when they start school is that someone is teaching them these skills?

LM said: She was too used to being the only child and we let he do whatever for a while, so it's our fault that she still interrupts sometimes!

LM doesn't this comment that you made back up my POV not make it incorrect??

memoo if mums don't want to talk to me that is absolutely fine with me. I am happy in my own skin. But then why do they drop in unannounced at my house (then start playing with their own child mid-conversation)? Why do they ask interesting questions and then go into 2 year old mode? Decide to start a conversation and then start chatting to their child about egg cups? I can take or leave the conversation most times (particularly with the mums I'm talking about) because it's usually about one-upmanship anyway but it is the complete and utter rudeness that I don't understand.

I've lost one good friend because of this. We simply can't have a conversation at all because either her kids are awake and demanding her 100% attention, or they're asleep and she's asleep too. She's a single mum so has no back-up at home.

We tried for a very long time though.

Conversations mostly went like this:

'I really love those jeans. Where did you NOOOOO, get down, get down!. Sorry. What were you saying?'

Totally impossible to have any natural flow of chat, and makes it very hard work. I think it's ok if the other chat-ee is a mum too becuase they're used to it but I ended up just thinking, it would be easier to go home now and let her get on with dealing with her kids.

I'm not criticising, it's just the reality of caring for small kids.

I don't think you understand what modelling behaviour is at all, ChippingIn. It is about letting children observe you behaving appropriately in all circumstances, using your judgement, from birth - as opposed to giving them instructions.

It works pretty well IME .

Children learn language because is is modelled for them, don't they? Why wouldn't behaviour be the same?

Did your mother model unbelievably snotty and condescending behaviour for you to observe then Anna?

Sorry, can't keep it in any longer.

Did your mother model a chip on her shoulder?

God Morriszapp with friends like you who needs enemies! Could you not have helped your friend by saying 'would you like me to deal with this?' or shall I try?
Single mum with no support and you shelve her because of interruptions! How bloody selfish and self obsessed! I binned a friend of 20yrs (childless) because it only occurred to me once I had kids how selfish she actually was!!!

Obviously MZ you complimenting her on her jeans (fishing no doubt for some from her) was completely more important than her having to try to discipline her children

I am with the OP and ChippingIn here.

Agree the conversation is more likely to continue, if you acknowledge the child than ignore. Yes they need to learn not to interrupt but that wont work with very young children. Also young children have a very short memory when they want to tell you something, often if they dont say what they want to say straight away they forget and get upset and frustrated.
Also a personal experience, I remember vividly when I was about 5 I was walking behind my mum and my aunty in the park. They were in very deep convo, I think about aunty impending divorce. I saw on the footpath ahead a load of dog crap, So I said 'aunty' and she gave the the wait a minute finger and I said 'but Aunty' she turned around with a annoyed face and said 'orangehaed I am talking dont be so rude' she then turned back round and stood right in the crap. I then said 'but aunty I only wanted to tell you to watch the poo'. She look very . Dont always persume children dont have something important to say

DS2 is allowed to interrupt (he's 2.4)

DS1 isn't (4.5) - I've told him he must say 'excuse me please'. I acknowledge him but tell him to wait if I'm in the middle of a juicy bit of gossip an impt conversation

Fairynuff - I agree with your OP. It's not the genuine grizzly child who needs his/her mother that's the problem. It's the one who's just wondering past playing with their toy car and mum stops to comment on it. Or the child who asks mum to come play and mum immediately cancels the conversation she's having and disappears onto the floor to play with little child.

BonsoirAnna - thank you so much for explaining what modelling is... [where is the rolling eyes emoticom when you need it?].

Nicely said Eekamoose and BA why would you suggest Eek has a chip on her shoulder? About what? People being condescending?

Children would not learn a language if you just read them words all day and gave them no context for any of those words. Same with manners etc.

As I have mentioned before, if you want your child to struggle with things and only learn by modelling then you do that, personally I would rather help the LO's along by explaining things rather than making them struggle through every concept in life.

Dillydaydreamer - you beat me too it!

MZ how can you say you lost a good friend because of this? She is a single Mum doing what she has to for her kids and her so called friend dumps her because she's so bloody self centered she can't put her good friend and her kids first for a little while?! Roll your sleeves up, muck in a bit, make her life easier - then she might just have the energy to stay awake to have a glass of wine and a chat with you!

SweetEm -

Orangehead - define very young children (as in the ones that will not understand). LO is 21 months, she understands and has done for a little while, she will call me, but if I am talking will put her hand in mine until I say 'Yes, LO' most of the time, when she doesn't I just say to her 'wait a minute' then she will say 'LO's turn now' when I next engage with her. Everyone comments on what a happy, sweet little thing she is, so it's not that she is in anyway worried about being in trouble or repressed, she has just been taught/learnt that you take turns with things. She has a 3yo sister and will take turns talking and sharing with her and will absolutely stand her ground on 'her turn'.

Don't underestimate a young childs ability

Good Lord, my son is 4.5 and is entering the British education system next month. He is never going to get anywhere - he actually asks before interrupting, doesn't think the world revolves around him and actually asks permission before doing things - all these kids who are used to being the centre of attention as soon as they demand it are going to leave him in the dust!

But seriously - do most of you have no identity outside of being a parent? I actually think it is demeaning to yourself when you can't function as a normal adult and have a conversation with another adult, which is essentially what you are saying you have to do to be a 'good' parent.

No one is suggesting children learn language by being read words to. They learn language by being talked to and having conversations.

OhBling Thank you Thank you - that is exactly what I was talking about in my OP. Why do they do it? and more to the point how can they not see how excruciatingly rude it is? I have distanced myself greatly from a lifelong friend where we are godparents to each others children because of this very thing. I just can't relate to it. We all know we have to 'deal' with little kids when we're having a chinwag and conversations get interrupted but it is when the mum breaks off apropos of nothing that gets me. (I have also distanced myself because coincidently her kids are also really obnoxious...)