to drop this complaint letter off at the hair salon this afternoon?

[DragonLowFatSpread]

you have about 10 minutes to help me figure out whether i should complain or not.

I write to complain about the treatment received by my 4 year old son by one of the managers of the salon yesterday.

The manager took it upon himself to discipline my son for climbing on the sofa. On the first instance he was asked not to climb on the top of the sofa, a request which was reasonable and also obeyed. Had you specified that this also included kneeling on the sofa so that he could see his Mother then I?m sure this would have been adhered to also. As such, he positioned himself so he could see where I was. He was sat quietly and bothering no one as far as I can see.

At this point the manager chose to raise his voice to him, adopted an aggressive posture over the child and threatened to throw him out of the salon should he not sit properly on the sofa. A patronising wink and a smile were then offered to me, which only confirmed to me that this is a man who enjoys intimidating children.

Thankfully, my son has a resilient disposition and he chose to remain ?seen and not heard? for the remainder of my appointment before expressing his upset on leaving the salon. I personally didn?t need the aggravation and chose to ignore the manager?s behaviour in preference for an undisturbed and overdue hair cut. However, I feel that the appointment was a stressful experience for which I resent paying £20 for.

May I suggest in future, that if staff in your salon have issue with the behaviour of children in the salon, then a polite request to the accompanying adult would be a more appropriate course of action and would avoid the upset caused in this situation.

Sincerely,
Dragonlowfatspread.

"And what's with the letter? If you have something to say, why didn't you just say it"
As someone who finds initiating talking very difficult I can fully sympathise with the OP not being able to say owt at the time. Writing a letter may seem like there's no point, but when you can't get the verbal words out, when you feel flustered and anxious and can't frame the words properly and thus don't feel confident with what you're saying, being able to have a quick word at the time isn't always an option.

Well said Alice and bullet.

Agree with moondog actually - if his posture wa so aggressive - enough to warrant a letter you are out of order for not addressing it at the time - rather putting yourself first to have a haircut when your son is being so obviously intimidated.

You had a haircut for £20?

And you wanted your 4 year old also to be allowed to climb on the sofa with his shoes?

And you are now both been traumatised by the experience?? ffs

When was childminding one of the services offered by hairdressers? I would never take a four year old to the hairdresser, and if I did I would be acutely embarrassed if they misbehaved, not frothing at the mouth when they were (surprise surprise) told off.

talk about reading what you want to believe.

i am neither frothing at the mouth nor traumatised by this. i'm not even i the slightest bit bothered by all those who think i am being unreasonable. if fact, it was you that made me want to hand the letter over. you all sound like awful un-childfriendly people who i think should go to salons with a no-children policy and sit muttering about unruly children all together. what a lovely atmosphere that place would have.

but i don't see why i shouldn't let him know that i feel his intimidating behaviour was out of order.

the guy was behaving like a prick, and i'm hardly going to tell him so half way through a haircut am i?

FWIW DS thinks she should kill him and eat him, so i feel a letter is fairly tame and not exactly an over-reaction.

Had you specified that this also included kneeling on the sofa so that he could see his Mother then I?m sure this would have been adhered to also."

Why are you taking a child as young as four to sit for that length of time out of easy sight of you?

Oh yes, forgot to mention that all you gave him to occupy him was a headless power range

I think you are feeling sensitive because you know really you could have prevented the situation from arising in the first place.

Well said Herbietea

I take DS with me - he is 4 - I take a packed lunch and his Nintendo DS and sit himin the hair next o m whilst I am haing my hairut - I wouldbe glad for someone i the salon to ell him off ifhe were jumping on furnoture s I would expect anyone to tell him o for jumping on furniture.

But I go back to what I said before - your parenting kills are questionable if you let someone do something to your child which you find damaging and offensive and do not speak up at the time.

If you were so outraged why in God's name did you not intervene.

WTF is wrong with my keyboard??????

I'm with Moondog on this one. Adults set the agenda, it was his salon, should have been dealt with at the time etc etc. Kids do not/should not make the rules IMO (much as we love our children). Ditto kids behaving badly in restaurants. I do think they should be disciplined and taken home if they continue to seriously spoil other people's evenings (and I know everyone will hate me as this is a v unpopular view but I have 3 kids and have been there and bought the tee-shirt and think its only fair)

I took dd 5 to salon for the first timer recenlty and they were lovely with her. She was invited to sit next to me and chatted to the whole time.
I didnt expect this at all.
I dont think you are being unreasonable to have been a tad annoyed but I think a letter was an overreaction and silly.

Tbh when people dont say anything on spot and complain later by letter i see it as passive-aggressive behaviour.

...in response to aggressive behaviour, i don't see the problem.

and he likes his headless power ranger, it's his favourite one.

do you really think my son was setting an agenda? rofl, fruitloops the lot of you.

sigh
next time leave him home alone in a cupboard
that'll teach him
or take him and expect him not to be treated aggressively by a man he barely knows - apparently that's too much to ask

'i am neither frothing at the mouth nor traumatised by this. i'm not even i the slightest bit bothered by all those who think i am being unreasonable.'

Then why start a thread in AIBU about it? In fact, why even bring it up at all? To see how many people say, 'Yeah, that's cool to let your kids climb all over someone else's furniture with their shoes on' and give everyone else a passive-aggressive two-fingered salute?

hi stealth.
think i've stumbled across victorianmumsnet via some sort of narnia portal.

how are you anyway?
talk to me, remind me why i'm back here again.

'or take him and expect him not to be treated aggressively by a man he barely knows - apparently that's too much to ask'

Or perhaps maybe parent kids to have a few manners when they go out, and help them in this by taking along stuff to keep them occupied or leaving them at home in situations where you know they won't be able to sit still until they're old enough to do so.

Guess that's too much to ask, too.

i started the thread expat, to see what the general concensus was in the 10 minutes before i left the house this afternoon.
Generally at that time, most felt i was not being unreasonable, so i gave the salon the letter.
Also it gave me a chance to see what the response to the letter might be, so i'm well prepared for any backlash.

I'll give a passive aggressive two-fingered salutes to grown adults who give children nicknames anyday.

I think that you are winding us up actually. A haircut takes at least half an hour and you are seriously suggesting you took a four year old with one toy only (headless at that) and expected everything to be fine and dandy?

I think this terribly aggressive boss (who did what? stood over your child and told him to behave or leave - how terribly awful) should have been aggressive with you not your child tbh, and I'm sure he is glad you won't be back.

I am surprised that the hairdresser is allowed to have unattended children in the salon. After all what could you have done if your ds had chosen to leave the shop, or play with scissors, or get into other hairdressing paraphernalia, given that for a haircut you have to sit still, and not even move your head. You were assuming that the staff there would look out for him, which unless you asked in advance and they said yes to is a pretty huge assumption IMO.

is that reason enough to be treated like that? Is it good enough? Where is the line drawn?

Oh and i was worry that the term 'victorian' hasnt come up yet

It is called manners and consideration