..to be really REALLY furous with friend/guest who shouted at DD when she was upset

[ladystardust]

DD (17) just been diagnosed with perforated eardrums - in a great deal of pain. Her sleeping is all over the shop, not been to school or seen friends for about 2 weeks.
Old friend and her dh came to stay as had thing to go to quite near us.
DD (who is wont to loud wailing when upset) was crying - almost hysterically in her room when we had all gone to bed. She wouldn't be comforted by me so I left her to it. (I do have some experience in dealing with her). The now ex-bf went storming into her room and told her she was being selfish keeping everyone awake (although DD's story is that her language was quite abusive - I didn't hear what she said) - then told me that dd needed to be taken to a psychiatric ward for the night and I wouldn't be allowed to go with her and it was the best thing for her.

As I said - now ex-bf...

YANBU - I would be furious if my BF spoke to my dd like that.

YANBU

what a bitch, glad she is now the ex bf!! What did you say to her? Did you promptly chuck her out?
Your poor dd, pain from perforated eardrums is unimaginable, I hope she gets better soon xx

Thanks - I didn't think I was. Just trying to imagine how she's telling story

read this initially that ex bf had shouted this at small child which would have been child abuse...

but now i see your dd is 17. if she was that upset because of her ears and i had no appropriate pain relief for her, i might have tried a&e? really quite unusual for a 17 year old to be hysterical with pain?

TBH I probably would have had words - at 17 she is more than capable of stopping what sounds like attention seeking behaviour - I expect a 2 year old to be able to stop/control themselves so a 17 year old certainly. She shouldn't have said the thing about the psychiatric ard but maybe it's worth speaking to someone as it sounds like DD may need to speak to someone about her feelings etc.

YANBU! Psych ward ffs! Is she insane herself?

Twims, I am covered with blushes. When I gave birth to dd I was crying with pain. Now realise that at 32 I should have been able to control what was clearly attention seeking behaviour.

Twims - you expect a 2yo to control themselves? Are you GF?

Well of course there are other elements that played a part in it all and bf was well aware of them which makes it even crueler IMO that she did what she did.

Cory

During a recent visit to A&E I also noticed several people who seemed unable to control themselves. But then they weren't 2- do you think that might account for it?

You should have gone in and done something if your child was hysterical with pain - but at 17 years old I still wouldn't expect wailing and screaming - if she needed to do that she was in enough pain to h ave been taken to A&E - do you not have any painkillers for her?

But saying that your freind was out of order.

Painkillers don't always work MadamCastafiore. They don't for my dd.

And it is possible for an earache (or a toothache) to be absolutely excruciatingly painful. They're not always the sort of low-level, wrap-your-head-in-a-blanket-and-drink-lemsip-affair that most of us think of.

She is on Tylenol PM (LOVE American drugs!) as they help sleep as well as pain kill.
And of course I had her take some.
Although cory, she is like your dd in that they don't always work.

Sounds like very strange behaviour for a 17 yo. At first I read it as 7yo and it seemed reasonable, but at 17 she was either in such pain that I would have called an ambulance or she WAS being selfish.
Sorry, but that is NOT normal behaviour if the ailment is not hospital-worthy.

If the wailing was due to extreme pain I would have been up at the hospital with her. If she has other problems that is a seperate issue, bottom line is your ex bf was a guest, at the absolute least she should have come to you and mentioned the noise, she had no right to behave that way in your home.You are well rid

LadyS - isn't tylenol just paracetomol? In which case I'd be topping up with ibuprofen and/or something with codeine at her age.

[over the counter junkie emoticon]

Oh and I did call an ambulance.
(for bf )

But it is not working obviously so you need totake her back to the hospital or doctor to get something stronger.

Thanks MC - we're seeing specialist on Friday.
Despite bf's thoughts to the contrary I can look after my daughter.

YOur friend was out of line, speaking like that.

But i do think your daughter needed hospital treatment if she was hysterical like you say, even when you tried to comfort her. She was either in extreme pain or maybe she does have issues that need help? Its not normal to wail loudly during the night at 17 unless there is something very wrong.

Whatever the reason for the behavior, LSD's bf will know more about that that we do. Even if the child has learning or emotional difficulties it's not acceptable to tell the parents that the child needs locking up in a psych ward for her own good just so she can get one nights sleep. Has this woman ever had to be so invoncenienced by children of any age before?

Message withdrawn

I'm not really sure it matter whether the op's dd's behavious was "appropriate" considering her age and the level of pain, because it is totally inappropriate for a guest to say something like this, surely?

And, fwiw, I have regularly been reduced to tears and wailing in pain and frustration because of migraines, so can totally sympathise that earache may well cause similar pain. Hope your dd feels better soon, ladystardust.