..to be really REALLY furous with friend/guest who shouted at DD when she was upset

[ladystardust]

DD (17) just been diagnosed with perforated eardrums - in a great deal of pain. Her sleeping is all over the shop, not been to school or seen friends for about 2 weeks.
Old friend and her dh came to stay as had thing to go to quite near us.
DD (who is wont to loud wailing when upset) was crying - almost hysterically in her room when we had all gone to bed. She wouldn't be comforted by me so I left her to it. (I do have some experience in dealing with her). The now ex-bf went storming into her room and told her she was being selfish keeping everyone awake (although DD's story is that her language was quite abusive - I didn't hear what she said) - then told me that dd needed to be taken to a psychiatric ward for the night and I wouldn't be allowed to go with her and it was the best thing for her.

As I said - now ex-bf...

firstly - i hope you punched the bitch in the face (i would have even though i have an 18yo DD who has driven me to distraction and I have shouted at her, but God help anyone else who does it).

Secondly, i am with the other posters - there certainly are stronger medicines out there - go to your GP who will happily prescribe. You can get paracetemol and codeine now off prescription, take care combining drugs though - make sure you check with pharmacist first. Paracetemol and ibruprofen ok though.

Hope your DD feels better soon - oooouuuuucccchhhhhh

YANBU, if she was bothered by your dd crying, she should have come to you first, and asked you to go and see to her. cheeky bitch.

Thanks rebelmum. Me too...

Your guest was of course totally out of line, and YANBU to be furious.

Having said that, if my DD was crying "hysterically" and "wailing" in her room at night, I couldn't possibly "leave her to it" Unless she has SN or psychological problems that make you think she is not wailing out of pain? ("she is wont to wailing when upset")

As others have said, there are far stronger painkillers out there than paracetamol. DD is 3 and she was prescribed a codeine variant to use "if pain got really bad", so it seems a bit heartless to leave a 17 yr old with perforated eardrums to wail in pain with just a paracetamol for company.

It's great that you have an appointment with a specialist on Friday but surely you won't just leave her to wail in pain for two more days?

I suffered a perforated ear drum whilst on a flight.
It was without doubt the most painful thing I have ever experienced (I have had 3 kids,and also wax my bikini line, so I know what pain feels like!)
My dh was furious with me because I was completely hysterical with the pain and couldn't calm down. I don't know if your dd was attention seeking or not, but I do know that perforated ear drums can be excruciating. Your friend was completely unreasonable

Get her an emergency appointment at the GP today to get some decent painkillers. Paracetamol doesn't even begin to touch the sides of real pain and there really is no need for her to be in agony.

Your friend was way out of line - if she was pissed off about it, she should have come to see you.

I don't think it is totally OTT for Lady's DD to be wailing hysterically with pain. Earache can be excruciating! It is quite possible that by the end of a whole day of it, combined with the exhaustion of being unwell, that Lady's DD had just had enough of feeling ill and was crying herself to sleep. My DD (although much younger, it seems to be a personality trait - i have a friend (in her 50's) and a sister who wail when they are in pain/upset - it is just how they cope with it!

...I think anybody will be brought to wailing with earache anyhow!

YANBU - your ex-friend sounds rather selfish and hoity. Either that or she is having a VERY tough time atm.

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When I was 17 I contracted glandular fever, and became very ill very quickly. It was around NY so doctors/chemists weren't open.

I vaguely remember being like your daughter - sleeping was all over the place and in incredible pain, but also unable to control myself - it was a bit like being very drunk.

On at least two nights I woke up in excruciating pain and was very confused, and my crying must have woken people up. My father sat up for several hours reading Dick Francis to me (his choice - I didn't care!)to keep me calm.

So I can totally sympathise with your daughter.

I cried when I had toothache .

Earache is the worse pain in the world and my ds cried and cried all night with it he was 10 at the time .

Your ex friend is out of order .

Also my ds did not have a perforated eardrum just earache so he probably would have been wailing if it had been perforated.

My sis (34 yrs) Ear drum perforated over New Year and she said she was gently sobbing from the pain. She went to A and E at 6am New Years Day and got given anti-biotics and stronger pain killers.

Your ex-friend sounds like a twunt.

Aimsmum on Wed 14-Jan-09 11:08:31
"I have to agree that I think that is rather strange behaviour in a 17 year old."

Is it also strange behaviour for a woman to cry with the pangs of childbirth? With pleurisy? With a broken hip?

(Sorry to single you out when several posters have said the same thing)

Those of you who think it is odd for a 17yo to wail with pain- which bit is it you find odd? That a woman (or man) cannot control themselves regardless of the level of pain? Or that earaches cannot bring this level of pain?

Can I just point out that hospital beds are filled not by the people in most pain, but by seriously ill people who cannot stay at home or by people receiving treatment in hospital.

The seriousness of the condition is not necessarily related to the pain: you can be dying without it hurting a lot or in excruciating pain for something that does not merit a hospital admission.

When dd has been in bad pain, she has sometimes asked me to close the windows so the neighbours won't hear. Yet there is absolutely no point in taking her to the doctor because we know he can't cure it- nobody would thank me for taking up a hospital bed when it's not achieving anything.

Hope the specialist is able to help, but I can understand somebody losing it in the face of ongoing excruciating pain. Why I was only in labour for 12 hours- far less than your daughter's pain- yet I cried.

So she's been in agonizing pain for 2 weeks? And the pain didn't ease when the ear drums perforated?

I would have been at A and E, personally. The friend was out of order - but I think you need to have a think about whether your dd's behaviour was appropriate.

I had a perforated eardrum when I was 5. My Mum had to bring me home from the school play.

I was dressed as a clown with a big smile painted on my face and my mum insisted on taking a photo of me before she brought me home.

Still have that lovely pic of my crying my eyes out with a big smile painted on my face

YANBU, I really feel for your daughter, and even if your bf had no sympathy she still shouldn't have butted in like that.

i think its perfectly normal to cry with pain.

your friend was out of order - who is she to assert herself in YOUR home anyway. fuckwit.

If the pain was mild enough to only warrant Tylenol then her behaviour was very strange surely? AFAIK Tylenol is a cold and flu medication and not a very strong one at that.

That's not to say that the XBF was not completely horrible!

Message withdrawn

I think we'd need more information to judge, really.

I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I was trying to sleep yet someone was wailing in a nearby room. I think I'd be concerned about the person and also whether it might go on all night.

She should not have gone and been rude to your daughter though whatever the circumstances. I think she should perhaps have spoken to you if she was worried.

But again, we need more info. It's impossible to say what's reasonable without the full story.

I agree with HB, it is hard to work out the dynamic here without more information.

I think the bf was out of order in what she did but I guess if it was me in that situation and there was someone crying hysterically next door I would be very concerned about that person and possibly could conclude that if that person's mother thought it didnt warrant comforting/taking to doctor etc that it was attention seeking and odd.

Still wouldn't have approached DD directly tho - she really should have spoken to the OP.