..to be really REALLY furous with friend/guest who shouted at DD when she was upset

[ladystardust]

DD (17) just been diagnosed with perforated eardrums - in a great deal of pain. Her sleeping is all over the shop, not been to school or seen friends for about 2 weeks.
Old friend and her dh came to stay as had thing to go to quite near us.
DD (who is wont to loud wailing when upset) was crying - almost hysterically in her room when we had all gone to bed. She wouldn't be comforted by me so I left her to it. (I do have some experience in dealing with her). The now ex-bf went storming into her room and told her she was being selfish keeping everyone awake (although DD's story is that her language was quite abusive - I didn't hear what she said) - then told me that dd needed to be taken to a psychiatric ward for the night and I wouldn't be allowed to go with her and it was the best thing for her.

As I said - now ex-bf...

Stewie - You are right. If paracetamol is not enough to bring down DD's fever, I use Advil (ibuprofen). Then alternate paracetamol & ibuprofen - i.e. take one then the other every three hours.

She is 3, and we have been doing this on recommendation of her pediatrician since the first time she got a fever that paracetamol couldn't handle - possibly since she was 1 yr old.

So I don't know why the advice in UK is to check with pharmacist before using paracetamol with Advil. We don't get that advice here in France.

To the OP - just curious, how was soon-to-be friend's behaviour the next morning? Was it apologetic or awkward? How was the overall atmosphere like?

Greenday I stayed out of her way. They went and did their stuff and I haven't heard from them or contacted her.

I havent read the whole post but skimmed it. Did you take your daughters word for what was said or ask your friend? I presume you either heard it or asked a friend as 17 year olds can exagerate what was said - particularly upset ones. Also, has your friend seen your daughter behave like this a lot. I can imagine myself interfering if my best friends daughter was really annoying and inconsiderate often. The often would be the critical bit for me. I can put up with other kids if they are sometimes ok, but do have one friend whose dd is hysterical over the slightest thing and I know for a fact that other friends and I get tense before we even arrive if visiting. It has affected the mums friendships as her dd is so difficult. If the friend truly said she should be put in psyc ward then that is out of order. But going in and telling her off isnt in my opinion. Why didnt you warn your guests - it must have been obvious they would be disturbed.

Does anyone else think this is a strange story?! OP, without being rude, I'm not sure you are being fully frank with us as it all sounds v odd to me...

I think it is very odd too.

I'd hazard a guess at there being some underlying issues with your dear friend of 30 odd years.

Without knowing any of the people involved, I take from this that your 17 yr old is very demanding and her behaviour generally causes you concern.

Your friend has heard you offload about your dd's difficult behaviour for years, quietly seething inside because she believes your dd is able to modify her behaviour but will not do so.

Your friend, while staying at your house, could not beleive your dd's extreme behaviour. Her anger on your behalf took over (and lack of sleep) and sh edecided to give your dd a piece of her mind to try to 'snap her out of' her demanding behaviour.

I'm only saying this because it reminds me of two mums I know who have that sort of relationship with their daughters.

Is your dd bothered that she was the cause of your long-standing friendship? Or do neither of you see it in those terms?

I bet the BF doesn't even know anything is wrong - I bet she didn't say half of the things reported back and you are going to look silly when you do speak again.

Anyway I don't get you at all - you had guests and you didn't speak to them the next morning - either you live in a very big house or you are a rude person in general!

And if your 17 year old was attention seeking it is becvause she needs some attention from her mother which seems sadly lacking reading your previous post about them needing to have secrets etc....

There is a whole load of history here between op and her dd that she either isn't telling us or I haven't read.

Is it me or am I missing something?

First post ?just been diagnosed with perforated eardrums - in a great deal of pain?.
DD (who is wont to loud wailing when upset) was crying - almost hysterically?

If I had perforated eardrums I would think that at 17 years old my loud wailing and crying hysterically would make the pain in my ears worse. I could understand banging on the wall or something to get attention but not wailing loudly.

Also, if you can make your bf an exbf after 1 incident then you weren?t really bf?s in the first place.

Any advice I could give you is to help your daughter and mend relations with your best friend. The advice on the boards by strangers who are telling you to get rid of a relationship they no nothing about is crazy.

I?m sure your bf has been there for you and your daughter at some point in your lives. What?s the point of making the situation worse by creating an enemy out of friend unncessarily?