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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but here goes

312 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 22:29

DS1 has opportunity to go on a school journey. I was in 2 minds about letting him go mainly because there is going to be 6 chalets each with 5 children in and 1 chalet with 4 members of staff in.

Now it comes out that the price which is £350 does not apply to the 3 sets of twins in the class they have to pay £350 for the 2 rather than £700.

DS1 really wants to go so i have said to him IF the twins are both going and only paying for one then I will be telling the school that I will pay half the price as what is good for 1 (or in this case 6 with it being 3 sets of twins) is good for all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the price to be the same for all???

OP posts:
vixma · 10/01/2009 00:41

We have twins in our sons class, the parents have payed for their trip( I know the parents) they could not afford it! (secondary school). They are lovely kids, and I know the mum well, she wanted them both to go but could not afford it ( the son said he would not go to let his sister go) but he is my sons best mate. We had a whip around so he could go. There is so much pressure on this situation. All kids so be able to go on trips if poss.

BoffinMum · 10/01/2009 16:10

Dsrplus8, or alternatively sigh and just get on with it, if you are in a relationship and don't think it's right in your situation to have someone hoover the poor thing out (because it is blameless in all this), and you think you should take responsibility for your own actions and bring up said child yourself ... fertility and psychology are a lot more complicated that many people seem to think these days. Children and indeed mothers are not disposable beings that can be tidied away and need nuanced understanding, not blanket judgements.

andaSOLOnewyear · 10/01/2009 23:39

Vixma, that is a lovely thing

dsrplus8 · 11/01/2009 13:48

boffin what do you mean? having a thick day, cant get brain to work!

BoffinMum · 11/01/2009 15:09

I meant there are other options to termination and adoption, namely resignation to fate. This does not mean babies are unplanned. For a lot of people in a permanent relationship who have already had children, it would just seem plain wrong to terminate, even though they could probably do without having another baby for financial or social reasons at that point. I think human beings are very complicated and need understanding, not judgement.

BoffinMum · 11/01/2009 15:11

Sorry, meant to type 'this does not mean babies are planned' but trying to discuss a dump run and type at the same time!!

MollyCherry · 12/01/2009 23:53

You'd think by now schools would have worked out a way round this. It's not exactly the same situation, but at the (primary) school my DD will be going to in Septmeber, they ask all the parents to pay into a school outings fund (think it's £9 per term) and then arrange trips according to their budget from that so everyone can go. If parents really can't afford that, they don't pay but obviously no-one knows and it doesn't come up out of the blue when outings come up as there are no requests for money as it's already funded.

nappyaddict · 13/01/2009 00:23

I think it is good of the school to subsidise less well off families but it should be income assesed so low income families with 1 child are able to get help too.

load · 13/01/2009 00:39

Yanbu
This would be a yr 5 or 6 trip?
You all knew it was coming, you should of asked the mothers from last year how much it cost, and saved accordingly, therefor everyone would pay the £350

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 07:13

Load, last year the year 6 class went on a day trip to the london eye, not a school trip for a week. We knew about the trip in November so not much time between then and now to save up for it.

I have told ds1 that he cannot go and as much as he wants to he understands, although dp told him last night he will do his best to make sure he goes! MEN why do they always say something different to you lol.

OP posts:
dsrplus8 · 13/01/2009 07:40

ohh i see boffin!,

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/01/2009 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 13/01/2009 09:54

I don't think Tle was complaining about her son not being able to go. She accepts that if she can't pay for the trip her child doesn't go.
It was more that she thought it was unreasonable that someone with twins would have one child go free. So the twins parent couldn't pay but the child could still go.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 10:20

Juuule at least you can see the point I am making. If the parents of twins cannot afford to pay for both children then only the one they pay for should be going! Just as I cannot afford to pay for my ds to go so he can't..... If i could he probably wouldn't be going anyway as I don't think 5 children should be left in a chalet alone at night....and would rather we had a week away tbh.

OP posts:
PottyCock · 13/01/2009 10:22
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 10:26

stewie, potty does this apply to the parents of twins as well? rather than them being subsidised should they be fund raising although the school are constantly wanting money for sponsered this and that?

OP posts:
PottyCock · 13/01/2009 10:38

SGM has suggested one way of fundraising that doesn't place the onus on the parents, so why not? I think the point she is making is that bitching and moaning is not conjuring up more cash for parents from hard up families, OR for families struggling with paying or twins. It's all about helping thy neighbour, innit? Working together, doing something constructive, raising the question of policy making at the school. Not about punishing people you in your view are having an easy ride. If you're actually bothered about the principle of this, attacking the mother of the other family is way off the mark and does come across rather pathetically.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 10:47

potty I am not attacking her just stating the facts. Why when she is working and claiming benefits is she more deserving than me? Because she has twins???

OP posts:
PottyCock · 13/01/2009 10:48

you just don't get it.

juuule · 13/01/2009 10:48

Regardless of her work/benefit situation why is she more deserving?

juuule · 13/01/2009 10:52

Not everyone has the time to attend pta meetings, fundraising events etc.

LTE seems accepting of the situation that due to finances her son couldn't go on a trip. Surely you can see that to then find that someone else who is also finding the trip out of their budget is having the trip for their child paid for by the school purely by virtue of that child being a twin then that might be a tad irritating.

PottyCock · 13/01/2009 11:01

Of course it's irritating - but what is she doing about it? Naff all apart from tearing the mother if the other family to shreds on an internet forum as far as I can see! TLES appears to have plenty of time to post about this, so why not channel her energy into making a concerted, considered approach to the school about their policy in this area for a day or two instead?

Who knows, she may even be instrumental in effecting a change! One thing is for sure - the woman supposedly on benefits and working illegally doesn't really have anything to do with the supposed point of this thread, and yet she is being paraded like some sort of witch in order for TLES to win her argument.

I for one find it a bit concerning given how identifiable TLES makes herself (real name, facebook site etc -I have seen all this on previous threads of hers a few times). It's just not good karma -what if the kids of this lady were to read this?

MilaMae · 13/01/2009 11:08

I totally agree Potty. I do fundraise(yes shock I'm a twinmum too)and on the committee. It's always the same people consistently on both.

If more people put a bit of effort into fundraising there would be more money to subsidise more people.

Evenstar you've made your point. You keep trying to keep this and other threads going -why? All of these threads are rapidly turning into a bitchfest re twin mums and this poor lady who isn't here to defend herself with several nasty comments aimed at both.

Get yourself down to the PTA instead

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 11:27

The only reason I am on here is because I am at home with youngest ds. I am not on the pta as I chose not to be, I talk to all the school governors, and do put my suggestions to them. As i have done in the past with the head teacher.

The whole point of this was about the fact there is a working mum who also claims and yet she is getting a bogof on the school trip and when I went to the school and asked for assistance i was offered the chance to pay in 4 installments. which really didn't help me. I won't be joining the pta with ds1 leaving the school in July and ds2 definatly not going there! it would be pointless. I am involved in the school in other ways, and do fund raise for them or rather with them.

I have not paraded the mother of the twins, i simply explained why I was so peeved about the whole situation....which if you think about it, I like many others would be and fairly to.

I have not been nasty to anyone on this thread and I wouldn't.
As for my real name of FB, why not? thats the whole point I have nothing to hide, do no others on the entire MN network use their real names on FB? or is it because I am opinionated and do have an unusual name I should hide myself away?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 13/01/2009 11:29

Mila, and if you actually check, all i did was reply to someone who posted on here earlier today. SO i am not trying to turn it into a "bitchfest" or keep it going, but i was brought up to reply when someone speaks to me or in this case types something to me.

OP posts: