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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am but here goes

312 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/01/2009 22:29

DS1 has opportunity to go on a school journey. I was in 2 minds about letting him go mainly because there is going to be 6 chalets each with 5 children in and 1 chalet with 4 members of staff in.

Now it comes out that the price which is £350 does not apply to the 3 sets of twins in the class they have to pay £350 for the 2 rather than £700.

DS1 really wants to go so i have said to him IF the twins are both going and only paying for one then I will be telling the school that I will pay half the price as what is good for 1 (or in this case 6 with it being 3 sets of twins) is good for all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the price to be the same for all???

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 08/01/2009 16:58

They can't have buy one get one free on school trips or you could team up with another mum and decide to do it with both your children.

This is ludicrous - go and ask the head why your kid has to pay £350 when their's only has to pay £175.

nooka · 08/01/2009 17:25

Thats because it is not buy one get one free. It works like this. The teachers plan the trip, based on their previous experience. They get the costs, and figure out what it will cost per child, based on the number of children they expect to go. They let the parents know. Parents who are struggling with the cost apply to the hardship fund (nothing to do with the trip, sometimes provided for by PTAs, sometimes by the LEA, and usually administered by the Headteacher) and they may (or may not) get help. Sounds like at the OPs school, it has been decided (probably long ago as the children in question are in the last year) that having twins makes it more difficult to pay for school trips, and so they get an automatic subsidy. Usually no one would know about the help except the parents, but in this case there is a parent who likes to cheat, and then to boast.

However the OP is not losing out because this family is being helped, and the cost of the trip has not been increased.

welshdeb · 08/01/2009 17:25

My dc school has a trip for y5 and y6 that they run every other year. My 2 dc are in consecutive years and will be going on the same trip. I see that as the same situation as the parent of the twins. It will be expensive but I wouldn't dream of expecting one of my children to go free.
I think if this mother was in hardship ie kids on free school meals etc I can understand if she was given help towards the cost, however she has some brass neck to boast about it to the other parents.
There are triplets in my ds year and they pay full whack for everything.

stleger · 08/01/2009 17:34

My children went to school in England for one term - we live in Ireland. They were in consecutive years in England, but have a 2 year gap here. I think they were year 5 and year 6 (ds got to do SATS!). There was a residential trip for both classes, we were told about it on the first day of term and also told we only had to pay for one child, the PTA paid for families with two children going on the trip. We were incredibly impressed!

frogwatcher · 08/01/2009 17:47

bellabelly - assuming you havent stepped away from this thread - sorry it took me so long to reply - have been away myself. I think it is easy to assume that twins are more expensive - and who knows if they are or not - certainly not me. But it is wrong to assume they are as it is dependant on circumstances. We didnt plan dds 2 or 3 and all our children are close in age (but not twins). As a result we had to change our car (couldnt get three car seats in), change buggies, buy lots of clothes two of them are similar in size etc etc. Also, one indirect cost is the time out of work!!! Or working part time. Planning one child I thought it would be a few years. Having three that has expanded a lot. Twins get it over and done with quickly (my friend has triplets and agrees with this point as she is back in work now). It cant be assumed that having twins is more expensive surely.

KingHerodNametaken · 08/01/2009 18:00

it is more expensive to raise twins than 2 babies born at separate times. You need 2 lots of cots, car seats, nappies, vests, babygrows etc etc because you need them both at the same time. When your children are spaced out, you can use the same items as you already had for your other child.

Unplanned pregnancies can't be compared to unplanned multiple births. When you discover you are pregnant you either go ahead with the pregnancy or you don't. It is later down the line when twins are diagnosed.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 18:02

Nooka, i have made my mind up about one thing only and that is i will be talking to the teacher who arranged the trip. If it is ok for 1 family to pay for one child or rather half price for both children then it should be the same for all children included on the trip.

I did ask before about the cost and was told I could pay the £350 over 4 installments.....

OP posts:
wotulookinat · 08/01/2009 18:03

Theladyevenstar, I think it's the school way of ensuring that all the kids are able to go. Some kids, whose parents are on low incomes, may not have to pay at all. If you are struggling to pay, then contact the school.

CarGirl · 08/01/2009 18:04

I could be sympathetic if there were a small discount or the school gave them longer to pay the amount but 2 for 1 is not fair IMO, would it apply to siblings in the same year that weren't actually twins?

Parents know about these trips way in advance.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 18:07

wotu i did speak to the school when we found out originally which was in october and was told i could pay the £350 over 4 installments, so that really did not help me at all.

OP posts:
dsrplus8 · 08/01/2009 18:09

i got twins and would pay £350 for each child.its only fair, twins get child benefit for each child not one allowance for both kids. so what if i get flamed, but TLE has a point, it shouldnt be assumed the twins family has financial difficulties, am sure there are singletons who are in same/ worse situation

nula · 08/01/2009 18:11

OP I honestly can't believe you have the brass neck to go to the school and say that!

Do you realise how unpopular that will make you with the school? Like it or not they will consider you a troublemaker. If you have the courage of your convictions I suppose that won't matter to you

KingHerodNametaken · 08/01/2009 18:12

You look quite well off judging by your profile pictures.

nooka · 08/01/2009 18:31

It is fairly obvious that having twins is more expensive than having a single child, but it is also more expensive having two children the same age/size because you have no capacity to pass things down. My children are 16mths apart, and dd had all of ds's babygrows, and feeding paraphernalia and most of his clothes when they were small. However as she has mostly caught up with him (and will probably overtake him) this is no longer possible, so they both have to have everything bought (or from friends etc) in fact dd has now grown out of size 10, so she is in a larger clothes size than him at the moment. The boy/girl thing doesn't help their either. The thing with twins though is that they need the same things at the same time, and that you cannot space this in the same way you can for two singletons. So money management is more difficult. Yes if you have no other children you get it all over and done with, but it is a lot more stressful at the time. If you have plenty of money it is no big deal, but if you don't, or if you are bad at managing things then the likelihood is that both of the children lose out.

LES my point was that your opinion has not in any way been moderated by this thread, so why bother with it? Being fair is abut opportunities - ie that all children have an opportunity to go on this trip, not that there is a flat fee. There are loads of ways in which society tries to make life easier for the disadvantaged. If this mum is taking advantage of that then you are right to be angry, but the principle that the school is following of helping out those who are struggling is perfectly fair.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 18:35

King herod and which picture particlarly makes us look well off? Am very curious now

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 18:42

Nooka

but the principle that the school is following of helping out those who are struggling is perfectly fair

Thats the point thy are only helping certain families. when i did talk to them about the trip and not being able to afford it i was told i could pay by 4 installments/

OP posts:
nooka · 08/01/2009 18:54

Did you ask for help? If you did and were refused I can see why you are cross. But it is discretionary funding, and usually you have to make a case for it. Having said that my school always had a line saying come and talk to x if you will have a problem paying.

ds has a trip later this year. The whole class have been fundraising for it, and he is expected to raise the money himself. I quite like this approach, although the effect of discussing it with the children is that dd and her best buddy have decided to set up business as snow shovelers. She is much more entrepreneur orientated than ds, who just expects things to be provided for him.

TWINSETinapeartree · 08/01/2009 19:11

You will not be paying for those children there is a fund as others have said that is ringfened for suh things.

When I ran trips at my previous school I accessed the fund firstly for children in care and then for other children where money would have been an issue inluding twins.

My family and I have been going through some very difficult financial times. I am very proud that this we have reacted to this by pulling together rather than sniping at others. I have never understood the attitude of some people on here who want to ontinually know what others are getting or a constant bitterness at the apparant privelidges of other people.

Desiderata · 08/01/2009 19:16

Ach, I just wish people would look to their own affairs, and butt out of everyone elses.

Does it really matter, Evenstar? Honestly?

Your ds will enjoy this trip. Put your niggles aside and dig deep. It's the sort of experience he will remember for the rest of his life.

TWINSETinapeartree · 08/01/2009 19:42

I agree Desi.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 19:43

Nooka yes we asked for help we were told that we could pay in the 4 installments.

TWINSETinapeartree I am not sniping at others but as this woman brings in more money in a week than dp and I, how does she qualify for assistance and we don't?

Desiderata Yes it does matter, there are others in the class that could do with the assistance NOT just the twins. There are other children aside from ds1 who would benefit from it. But the focus is on the 3 sets of twins.

I will be speaking to the teacher who arranged it on Monday.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/01/2009 19:44

Desiderata, it may be something he would remember for the rest of his life but we cannot afford it simple as that, and the funds seem to available for selected people and we are not part of that selection.

OP posts:
willitbeahappynewyear · 08/01/2009 19:48

I have twins and if I was given the opportunity to only pay for one of them I would jolly well keep it to myself to avoid uproar like this!!

Desiderata · 08/01/2009 19:55

Then how can any of us possibly help with the way you feel?

You can't afford it, so that's that. It bears no relation to whether the parents of twins can afford it or not. You can go to the bursar, by all means, but you know there's no way you're going to get your son to the Isle of Wight for £175.

I think it's a shame that you've dragged him into the politics of it all, but I'm also very sorry that you can't afford it.

Does the four-part installment system the school has offered not help in any way?

pointydog · 08/01/2009 20:01

I don't think it's fair to let one twin go free, no.