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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to believe that teacher's children should be treated in the same way as other pupils

236 replies

MillyR · 03/01/2009 21:28

At my children's primary school, there are a number of teachers working in the school who have children who are pupils in the school and sometimes even in their class. I believe that unless it is essential (because you live on a remote Scottish island), you should not teach your own child as it is unprofessional and almost impossible not to show a preference for your own child and the children that they get on with.

I work 10-7, so I do the morning drop off by public transport. I then stand outside school with my children, sometimes in very unpleasant weather. The children who come on school transport are also stood outside unsupervised. The teacher's children can be clearly seen playing in the classrooms.

Recently, I arranged to go in and speak to a teacher about my child after school, which I then had to take time off work to do. During this meeting, her children were in the classroom. There have also been times when one of teachers has walked past me with her daughters, the older daughter's best friend, and they have all gone in to play in the classroom while the rest of the children had to stay outside. They are also often in the staff room or using other school facilities that are out of bounds to other pupils.

There is out of school club available in a building nearby. My children go to it after school. I think the teacher's children should also have to go to it or wait outside like everyone else.

If a teacher wants to part of her work at home and supervise her kids there, then I am not going to moan about that. But I think it creates a bad atmosphere and sense of unfairness for pupils to be treated differently because their Mum is a teacher.

There is also a huge amount of repeating of confidential information because the teachers tell their friends things, but their friends are the mums from school!

AIBU or is this common?

OP posts:
Feenie · 04/01/2009 14:07

Women's work? Wtf?

violethill · 04/01/2009 14:11

I know, I know.

The SMT I'm on is exactly 50% women, 50% men.

Women's work FFS indeed!

Feenie · 04/01/2009 14:13

Hang on, Violethill, do you mean you agree with me or the op? Confused, now!

MillyR · 04/01/2009 14:18

Feenie, I just wanted to make it clear that I was not agreeing with the stereotype. I know that teaching is hard work and both of my parents were teachers when I was growing up.

But it is a stereotype that exists; some jobs are perceived as women's work, and jobs that are mainly done by women tend to be underpaid in comparison to other jobs with a similar level of responsibility and qualification requirements. For example: midwives and nurses. It is a stereotype that caring roles educating and looking after children and the vulnerable are 'women's work'. I am not saying such attitudes are right, but they do exist.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 04/01/2009 14:19

I disagee about the stereotype about teachers mainly being women. I have been teaching for nearly 10 years and have never come across that sort of attitude.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 14:20

I think that primary teaching is seen by some as women,s work. I don,t think we are underpais tbh.

cascade · 04/01/2009 14:21

I think milly r is talking about primary schools, men are under represented in this age group. Funny how that the men who do work in primary a large prportion are head teachers.

hercules1 · 04/01/2009 14:22

I'm secondary and it's certainly not the case in secondary. Cant speak for primary, I guess.

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 14:23

There are more female teachers in the primary sector than men but it is common practice for the men to take their DCs with them at the start of the day. It has always happened, my DHs grandfather was taught by his father way back in the 19th century! -children were allowed to be in the playground unsupervised in those days but I dare say he was in the classroom early!
Life isn't fair-some teachers are fair, some are not-some may be very fair but not perceived that way by the DCs. We have already had threads where people think being chair of the PTA gets your DD the part of Mary! I think people ought to concentrate on things that matter and not waste time on petty jealousies!

violethill · 04/01/2009 14:24

feenie - I totally agree with the OP that it is unprofessional to conduct any sort of meeting with children around. And that would apply to any job, not just teaching.

But what seemed to come across more and more in her posts was that she just resented the fact that some teachers were choosing to arrive in school well before their 'core' time, and stay in school late, and chose to keep their children with them.

I have occasionally experienced a similar resentment (but only very rarely, while working in a private school) and I came to the conclusion that the people involved were just resentful. There was no basis for thinking it was 'unprofessional'. This kind of attitude can lead to bitchiness and backbiting and is totally unacceptable.

It really isn't anyone elses business other than the teacher's.

violethill · 04/01/2009 14:26

feenie - I totally agree with the OP that it is unprofessional to conduct any sort of meeting with children around. And that would apply to any job, not just teaching.

But what seemed to come across more and more in her posts was that she just resented the fact that some teachers were choosing to arrive in school well before their 'core' time, and stay in school late, and chose to keep their children with them.

I have occasionally experienced a similar resentment (but only very rarely, while working in a private school) and I came to the conclusion that the people involved were just resentful. There was no basis for thinking it was 'unprofessional'. This kind of attitude can lead to bitchiness and backbiting and is totally unacceptable.

It really isn't anyone elses business other than the teacher's.

violethill · 04/01/2009 14:27

whoops

UnquietDad · 04/01/2009 14:27

If you teach in the same school where your children go, and you give them a lift in, which makes sense, and you get there early (as most teachers do), then what are you supposed to do with the child before school? Tie them to a bike-shed outside? It's a rather different proposition from a hospital or doctor's surgery as nobody would expect any staff's children to be there.

We've avoided this because our children don't go to the school where DW works. We live in a totally different catchment - thankfully...

violethill · 04/01/2009 14:31

I think some people would prefer them tied to the bike-shed UQD!

scienceteacher · 04/01/2009 14:37

It certainly wouldn't make any sense for a teacher to drop their child off at a childminder for an hour before school (only to have to leave to pick them up and bring them to school).

Arguments against taking them to a different place of work could be that that place of work is not suitable for children, not adequately risk-assessed and insured. These problems do not arise in schools.

When teachers work out of hours (ie earlier than 10 minutes before the start of the school day, and more than 10 minutes after), it is really up to their professional judgment how they conduct themselves and not up to the approval of the parents. I've even been known to take a hot drink up to my room, shock horror!

OP, you may be jealous, but no one really cares about your opinion - tough.

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 14:38

Very often people move their DCs to the school that they teach in purely for the convenience, I don't think that anyone can begrudge them that! It is showing that they have complete faith in the school-I think it is much better than saying 'it is alright for other poeple's DCs but not for mine.'
Unless it is a small one form entry school they are not going to have to teach their own DC.
I think it is up to the individual teacher to have the arrangement that suits them.
OP's problem is really the school bus and not the teachers-her energies would be better employed taking on the bus company.

grumpybritches · 04/01/2009 14:48

Haven't read all the thread but my DD's best friend is daughter of the TA and was in her class. I know it casued a certain amount of problems for all the children, but the biggest was that because of all the extra-curricular contact the child had with the other teachers she was observed by the other children as their favourite too. Example, my DD 'Why does Ms X (a very professional teacher, BTW) give Z a birthday present and not me?' and so on and so on...

Just something to bear in mind from the other side of the fence - it might not be obvious to the teachers or their children how that might come across IF it happens in their situation.

golgi · 04/01/2009 14:49

There does seem to be an attitude that teaching is a "family friendly" sort of a job. Only from people who have never tried it!

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 14:52

I think in lots of ways it is family friendly. It isnt during term time but if I need to leave work at 4pm I can which is more flexible than most other jobs.

We also have those holidays which for dd and I are magical.

I would not do any other job tbh I think we are luckier than most.

scienceteacher · 04/01/2009 14:53

I think it is family friendly. I never have to worry about holiday cover, which is a big thing for most working mums.

While you can't get by just working core time, you can pick and choose outside of those hours. If I need to make an appointment during the working week, I do have the time after 4.30 on any given day. Obviously I couldn't do that every day.

I'm pretty happy with the conditions - plusses and minuses versus my old job in industry.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 14:53

And I never have to be in work at weekends, lots of people do. I have work to do most weeknds but again it can be scheduled around dd, the same for evenings

abigproblem · 04/01/2009 15:03

what about this case a child was in school after having vomited all night the night before. Norovirus going round but his Mum a teacher had to work !!

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 15:36

I think every working parent has this problem.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 15:52

I agree pisces teachers do not have the monopoly on sick children.

piscesmoon · 04/01/2009 15:55

I coundn't really see the point of the comment. A doctor may well be going to work and leaving at home a DC who has vomited all night.