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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to believe that teacher's children should be treated in the same way as other pupils

236 replies

MillyR · 03/01/2009 21:28

At my children's primary school, there are a number of teachers working in the school who have children who are pupils in the school and sometimes even in their class. I believe that unless it is essential (because you live on a remote Scottish island), you should not teach your own child as it is unprofessional and almost impossible not to show a preference for your own child and the children that they get on with.

I work 10-7, so I do the morning drop off by public transport. I then stand outside school with my children, sometimes in very unpleasant weather. The children who come on school transport are also stood outside unsupervised. The teacher's children can be clearly seen playing in the classrooms.

Recently, I arranged to go in and speak to a teacher about my child after school, which I then had to take time off work to do. During this meeting, her children were in the classroom. There have also been times when one of teachers has walked past me with her daughters, the older daughter's best friend, and they have all gone in to play in the classroom while the rest of the children had to stay outside. They are also often in the staff room or using other school facilities that are out of bounds to other pupils.

There is out of school club available in a building nearby. My children go to it after school. I think the teacher's children should also have to go to it or wait outside like everyone else.

If a teacher wants to part of her work at home and supervise her kids there, then I am not going to moan about that. But I think it creates a bad atmosphere and sense of unfairness for pupils to be treated differently because their Mum is a teacher.

There is also a huge amount of repeating of confidential information because the teachers tell their friends things, but their friends are the mums from school!

AIBU or is this common?

OP posts:
vixma · 04/01/2009 00:09

I work with a teacher who has a child she has taught which is her own and altough calls her mum out of school teaching time (as he does come into school with her at 8.30) she and he understands that mum is mrs xxxxxx in school hours. He does come in the classroom at this time but he helps set up the class and give out registers. This happens after school too. It is not a problem and the other children are not bothered by this. Confidential talking is planned through appointments or if urgent not in front of the child. It can work, and vice verca...when it is summer and nice weather when he wants to go out and play in the playground ( and none of our children want to be in the room first thing in the morning as they are playing) he has to stay in so he is safe. What parents say is confidential! if she is telling others you should tell the head, deputy head as this is not fair on u and ur child as the info u give is personal...how unproffesional.

Leo9 · 04/01/2009 00:16

I think that's at least 3 posts on here saying "actually teachers are harder on their own kids" - that's exactly why it's bad practice and unprofessional to teach them; whether they're given preferential or harder treatment, BOTH are unfair to the child. It's not a good thing to be harder on your own child.

We have a teacher at DS school who, once she is in work, is working - therefore her DD goes to the breakfast club like any other child whose parent is in work, and I respect this teacher for her professionalism.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:18

My dd would go to afterschool club but that finished at 4.30 if I was marking late or doing something else that required me to be in later (obv not parents evening or similar) I would leave school, pick her up and bring her back. She has only once been in school during teaching time and that was on the last day of term when I had no childcare and was only teaching 2 of my 5 periods.

Now my dp works from home so this is no longer necessary.

MillyR · 04/01/2009 00:19

I am completely confused! I presumed that teachers worked full time, and therefore had to work a 35 week. I know there are lots of hardworking teachers who work longer hours than this.

People seem to be suggesting that contractually, teachers only have to be there from 9 until 4.15, so the rest of the time they are doing planning etc but they are not actually paid to work more than 6 and a quarter hours a day (hour for lunch, although our Head has no lunch break).

Is this right or am I getting the wrong end of the stick?

OP posts:
WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 04/01/2009 00:23

We have directed time, I forget how much, but it is x number of hours a year, at my school we have to be in at 8.20 til 3.15 except on Tues when there are meetings when we have to be there til 4.15, then there are parents evenings reward ceromenies, open evenings, inset training, basically any other time the head wants us in as long as we have notice and it doesn't exceed the agreed hours.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:28

I work as long as my workload requires me too, I have directed hours but have no idea what they are.

We have to be in similar hours as walking says but mist teachers are in by eight, ,amy much earlier tbh and leave about half five. We then have a few hours to do at home.

nooka · 04/01/2009 00:28

As the daughter of a teacher who came and taught at my school, I can confirm that it is a pretty horrible situation to be in. You loose your own domain because it is then your parents domain too. Your friends treat you differently, and the other teachers do to. Should I ever decide to be a teacher (not something I would ever contemplate) I would never ever teach at my children's school. I think it is a frankly lousy thing to do.

I would be very worried by a primary school with lots of children being taught by their parents if there was any choice in the matter, especially if the children were in their parents class, something that ought to be avoidable in all but the smallest schools.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 04/01/2009 00:32

I personally do 7.40 till 4 or 5. But when I went in yesterday dd and dh spent some time in my room, I was at work, but in my own time, don't see why children shouldn't be in teachers classrooms in non directed time

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:33

I have to say nooka that their are lots of kids whose parents teach at my school and they all seem very happy and popular Again this is secondary. I think it does depend on the school and perhaps the teacher/parent. Although a firm teacher I am one that is generally liked and certainly respected, why when would anyone pick on my dd.

Have just realised that I have painted your teaching parents as a dragon which I did not mean.

Leo9 · 04/01/2009 00:33

nooka I can imagine it was horrible. I feel lucky that both my parents would simply not have done this; they were teachers and would not have put me in this position. We discussed it and it helped me learn a bit about professionalism TBH and I respected them for it.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:35

It need not be horrible though and it also need not mean that we are unproffessional for considering it.

I bet if you go into most private/public schools they are stuffed to the brim with teachers kids. It is a sign of a successful school. I have taught for many years in schools where the staff would never send there own kids, believe me it is not a good sign.

FlorenceDaphne · 04/01/2009 00:36

MillyR- You seem to have a massive problem with teachers in general. Why on earth should this teacher have to fork out for afterschool club just because YOUR child gets to school so early? You should be grateful this teacher is going beyond the call of duty and arriving at school early, in her classroom, sorting stuff out! You have a real chip on your shoulder. Get over it.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:37

My dd who is 7 loves coming into school to do little jobs, admittedly though she is not a hormonal teenager.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:37

My dd who is 7 loves coming into school to do little jobs, admittedly though she is not a hormonal teenager.

alipiggie · 04/01/2009 00:37

Another one here who's very glad that my mother made the conscious decision never to have me in the same school as her, it made for a far more uncomplicated life for me. I used to love helping her prep for lessons and it was great that she was always around for vacations - unlike me and my boys . Teachers have my utmost respect - low pay, long hours and very little respect.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:39

I dont think the pay is low tbh, the long hours are compensated for by the holidays and beyond mumsnet and the Daily mail I have never had anyone treat my job with anything but respect.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 04/01/2009 00:42

REALLY! I have encountered many disrespectful children and parents.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:44

Have encountered disrespetful parents and kids but meant in terms of how the general public view my job.

TWINSETinapeartree · 04/01/2009 00:45

I was once talking to my year 11s about the fact that I would like to buy a house in the village where my school is. One of my rather lovely boys said that hs would never become a teacher as you are doomed to a life of poverty. His teachers are both parents!

FlorenceDaphne · 04/01/2009 00:47

The teacher is not responsible for your child until the bell goes! She is, however, responsible for her own child, and entitled to look after her in whatever way she sees fit. If this includes having the kid in a classroom for an hour befire school, this is eminently reasonable. Therefore you are being rather unreasonable.

Leo9 · 04/01/2009 00:48

But Florence the point isn't that the teacher should fork out for school clubs because the OP is, it's because when a parent is working that is or should be seperate from looking after their own kids. For many good reasons which have all been discussed on here.

Quattrocento · 04/01/2009 00:50

See, if I am worried about something at the school, I take up those concerns with the school.

FWIW I:

  1. agree that teachers' children should not be treated differently before or after school and should be outside if other children are
  2. agree that children should not be in the classroom while a meeting is going on between a teacher and parent
  3. agree that repetition of confidential information is entirely inappropriate - we had a problem with a gossipy teacher at our school - a bunch of the mothers complained to the head

so yanbu for the points of concern but yabu for using MN rather than taking up the issue with the school

FlorenceDaphne · 04/01/2009 00:52

I really don't think it's that unprofessional to have your own kid sitting in the corner doing colouring while you get on with some stuff - remember, at this point, ie at 7:30, it's in the teacher's own time!

FlorenceDaphne · 04/01/2009 00:54

Oh, and of course, it's completely wrong for teacher's kids to be treated any differently to the other pupils, and for them to be present during meetings. So you're not BU about that.

Quattrocento · 04/01/2009 00:55

I'm not allowed to have children in my office - I'm expected to make childcare arrangements for my own children when I am at work.

Clearly this has touched a nerve with some of the teachers on this thread but tbh as a parent I'd think this wasn't really on.