Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to call social services on my neighbour?

133 replies

CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:30

dh and i feel like we're in a very tough position and are to the point of really wanting to take action. we've been in our house for 8 months (in a very nice part of town btw). we live on a quiet street apart from our next door neighbours who we hear through the walls everyday. it's not just the normal banter, it's verbal abuse to each other and especially to the small child. she's a sweet girl who's around 5 or 6 and is rarely heard aside from the screaming and crying. we're hearing the mother and father scream and swear at her, threaten her with being hit (sometimes she says again), and just general nastiness.

it's just gone 6 and her mother is screaming at her to "get to sleep!" earlier this week we heard her mum scream at her that she didn't want her anymore, her father is always telling her to" f off" and "shut the f up". it's just horrible to listen to and we don't know what to do because the house on the other side of them is empty. we can hear them over the telly screaming at the moment.....

do we call someone, write a letter, let it go as it's not our affairs and don't have physical proof? anyone have suggestions?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 30/12/2008 18:32

Call Nspcc.

WalkingInAWonderStuffingLand · 30/12/2008 18:32

I would call SS. They may not be aware and if anything did happen to her how would you feel?

TWINSETinapeartree · 30/12/2008 18:34

I would call the SS, if it is just a struggling mother she will get the help she neesd if it is something more sinister they hopefully will take action as needed

CaractacusPotty · 30/12/2008 18:34

Why don't you mention something to your local HV? They don't always know much about bfeeding, but this sort of thing really is their area.

Original poster
CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:35

we've really struggled over this because we're the only neighbours to hear this. the abuse is verbal from what we can tell ie can't hear actual slaps or see bruises on the girl. it's just really nasty to hear her always crying in fear and anguish. do these circumstances count for calling?

OP posts:
CaractacusPotty · 30/12/2008 18:36

Neglect and verbal abuse is abuse. Physical or not.

greenbeanie · 30/12/2008 18:36

Do call, and also start to keep a diary of what is happening when as it might be useful evidence. Good luck, it is really difficult especially when they are neighbours but you can do so anoymously and like Walking said you wouldn't want anything to happen to her. She cannot get help at only 6, but you can help her.

CarGirl · 30/12/2008 18:36

Yes they do.

GenerationGap · 30/12/2008 18:36

Can't understand the question really - you have been condoning the abuse for days by ignoring it.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:36

I was in this situation some years ago.
I made the decision to phone ss about this family. Annonymously as "a neighbour"
This family sound similar to the one that i lived next door to.

I explained my concerns and some of the things that i was hearing through the walls and ss listened and said that they would deal with it.

Same thing went on for quite some time until one day the mother of the girl began screaming at me through my windows, really angry and abusive.
I was scared to leave the house, it turned very very nasty.
So just be careful.

Also not sure what difference to the childs life i made.

Original poster
CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:37

caractacuspotty HV is a very good idea. if anything i can see if she'll come to ours in hopes that she'll hear next door.

OP posts:
greenbeanie · 30/12/2008 18:37

anonymously I mean!!

CarGirl · 30/12/2008 18:37

We had to phone about someone in the past, it was horrible to have to do it. I am quite a shouty parent but what you are describing is abusive 100% That child believes everything that they say to her.

Mutt · 30/12/2008 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 30/12/2008 18:39

Don't know if this is legal or not but can you record them and go to ss with the tape?

Though maybe not a good idea based on what deanychip says.

You need to do something though. Poor wee girl

Myrrhcy · 30/12/2008 18:40

Do you know which school the girl goes to?

HV is a good idea as a first step

Original poster
CornBreadQueen · 30/12/2008 18:40

deanychip this is exactly what i'm afraid of happening. not so much for my safety but i have a 3 month old. plus i don't want the parents to take out their fear of being found out on the child. who knows what they could do to her so that she can't be heard.

generationgap i'm in no way condoning this behaviour! i'm terrified that things could get worse for this child. i'm also very fearful for my family as they seem very rough.

we like the hv idea. will also start a diary of what we've been hearing.

OP posts:
NAB3lovelychildren · 30/12/2008 18:41

I second recording them and making a diary of what is said and when.

I also think the OP is an adult who can look after herself should the parents get angry. The child can't look after herself.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2008 18:41

you need to do something

this little girl is being abused - abuse can be mental and emotional as well as physical

call ss and rspcc

Mutt · 30/12/2008 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 30/12/2008 18:45

Call SS. As some one else said SS will help the mother cope better beforev taking the child away. Despite popular belief they don not like to take children away from their families unless they really really need to. And even in those cases they sometimes don't

Call the police if finds out it was you and she will be arrested. Which should only help her and the child further.

Littlefish · 30/12/2008 18:45

Please phone either nspcc or SS. It will be up to them whether they act, but you will have done the right thing by informing one of these agencies.

Verbal abuse can quickly escalate into something nastier. Even if it doesn't, the effect on the child's self esteem of systematic bullying and victimisation by the people closest to her/him can be disastrous.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:46

I jsut want you to be aware that these situations can turn very nasty...even if you are annonymous.
we sold up and moved and had to sign paperwork sating that we had no issues with our neighbours....no disputes or problems. As we did it annonomously we signed but we were desperate to move away it was very bad.

the childs life probably did not improve as a result....the music got louder and at all hours though, they made our lives a misery.

NAB3lovelychildren · 30/12/2008 18:48

Yes, and they can turn nasty with a child dying in agony after living in fear.

deanychip · 30/12/2008 18:49

Apparently the people who bough the house from us didnt have any problems....but they had complaints about them for their music and loud parties etc ( was a young couple)
soon after the house with the awful neighbours was boarded up and repossessed i think. horrid horid time, 8 years on, i still have anxiety issues when i hear loud music or shouting in the street.

Swipe left for the next trending thread