to want to call social services on my neighbour?

[CornBreadQueen]

dh and i feel like we're in a very tough position and are to the point of really wanting to take action. we've been in our house for 8 months (in a very nice part of town btw). we live on a quiet street apart from our next door neighbours who we hear through the walls everyday. it's not just the normal banter, it's verbal abuse to each other and especially to the small child. she's a sweet girl who's around 5 or 6 and is rarely heard aside from the screaming and crying. we're hearing the mother and father scream and swear at her, threaten her with being hit (sometimes she says again), and just general nastiness.

it's just gone 6 and her mother is screaming at her to "get to sleep!" earlier this week we heard her mum scream at her that she didn't want her anymore, her father is always telling her to" f off" and "shut the f up". it's just horrible to listen to and we don't know what to do because the house on the other side of them is empty. we can hear them over the telly screaming at the moment.....

do we call someone, write a letter, let it go as it's not our affairs and don't have physical proof? anyone have suggestions?

Thank you.

Despite everything i personally feel sorry for the SS in a way.
Yes, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't.
How are they to tell if a parent just needs guidance or if that same parent is capable of killing their own child..
Take the child, don't take the child.. heavy handed, not heavy handed enough. I do not envy their job.
However, the fact remains that they do hit easy targets and waste a lot of money that could theoretically be better spend on a support network or service.
They have earned their own bad name by readily removing easily adoptable children/babies, and leaving REAL children in need to suffer at the hands of abusers..one i know didn't visit a child because she was afraid of the family dog.. WHAT?? Fortunately the family was not high risk but they could have been doing anything to the little one and she (SW) would have been none the wiser.
They need back up in situations such as this, to visit families they would normally be afraid to visit, they need services to which they can refer low risk families rather than having to kick off a child protection case, they need better supervisors/team leaders. They need to have a bloody radical overhaul of the view that they are all middle class snotty cows on a power trip. They need longer than they currently get to do assessments, currently it is too rushed, they do not get to know the family properly, then are expected to make a judgement call based on probably three visits, if that, one or two of which are likely to have been strained or confrontational due to the vision/perspective everyone has of the SS, they are as i have said before, a frightening entity, and anyone feeling threatened with the loss of their children is capable of reacting angrily, it takes quite a few visits before they realise that may not be the case, by then though the mould is set, the SW has to make a decision, courts, solicitors, anger, worry, fear, confrontation...maybe removal of children, suspicion of the very people who are the only ones who may be able to help..

Where is this supposed to be good for a child, or in the interests of the child, or in the hope of working together??

I have often said if child abusers of any kind but especially sexual abusers, given that this breed of abuser is the one i have had most experience of, had somewhere safe to go and admit they have feelings towards kids, and get treatment and therapy BEFORE they acted on their feelings, a place where they would not be condemned or judged, there would be a better outcome for the potential abuser and any children saved from him/her that otherwise would have had their lives devestated, and their families as well.

So programmes began in certain areas with this in mind.

What on earth is wrong with the idea of extending this to parents??
I have often wished i could go to someone and say 'i don't want to do this with my kids, but this is the way i was brought up, so i don't know how to do it differently'
Without someone coming the arse and saying 'only you can make that decision' ... i mean PRACTICAL advice and support to make that change.

Some parents need guidance and support to improve their kids lives, not to be put through hell on earth that is care proceedings.
Help and support the parents, you make the childs life better. I am not implying they must put the parents first, by any means, the parents must be made to understand the consequences of continuing to mistreat the child, but be given the opportunity to change. Most people would jump through fiery hoops given the opportunity to put right what they may not have even viewed as wrong.. I suppose there will always be some that are just pure evil and would do serious harm to their kids with or without help, these few deserve to lose the precious gifts they have more commonly known as children..but i maintain that i believe these twisted few are few and far between. Most are simply misguided and had bad role models in their own caregivers.

I also want to warn you that these situations can turn nasty. I was in a similar situation and spoke to the ss.
I spoke to them in confidence about my concerns.
A week later the ss interviewed the parents of the children and then told them my name. They denied ever giving the parents my name, and done absolutely nothing after the initial interview. I am still convinced that those children needed help.
Even though, I would do it again, just in case a child needed someone to help them....just be aware that it can turn nasty.

Oh god bang out of order that.. sorry they did that to you. Was there any way at all the parents may have guessed it was you, the SS are a bunch of nobs at times but don't usually give out names ect?

I really cant see how they guessed it was me, there were quite a few in the neighbourhood who had already voiced concerns but never acted on them. To be honest it took me longer than it should have to tell somebody (that happened to be the headmistress of the primary school) who then got in touch with the ss, who then wrote to me with an appointment for an interview. The interview was an ordeal in itself! They started asking me questions as though I had been reported.

Well, this is the thing, you see.

They are so used to seeing bad stuff that would turn your hair white, that they get tainted, and begin to see everyone else the same way.
These psychological assessments they put parents through..? .. if they were to take one themselves once a year as part of a 'fitness to practise social work' examination, they would all fail miserably. Hardly surprising, but very worrying.

It is amazing how the most innocent comment to them can be twisted and made to look like you are the most evil parent on the face of the earth..They DO make things up..they DO lie.
Sad fact.

Whilst i am on the subject, it is a terrible thing in my mind that the person who makes the original contact with a family, the 'accuser' if you will, then becomes the child protecion worker for that family. So you have someone who has walked into your home and accused you, rightly or wrongly, of abuse. This situation needs to change.
The worst things that come from this are: A frightened, angry family facing a social worker who, having made an initial assessment and accusation, is extremely unlikely to admit they were wrong, or back down, they are more likely to 'find' things to back up their initial assessment.

And if they can't find it, they simply make it up. Who would doubt the word of a respected social worker?

You cannot tape record conversations with them, as you can with the police, to protect you from their crap or to have something to refer back to, or to use as evidence to prove that no you were not a screaming abusive banshee during such and such a meeting.

Failing to prove that you are a rotten person, or having a person that stands up for themselves as i did, or someone who ties them up in knots, as i did, means they resort to dirtier tactics such as banning you from looked after children reviews, which they can do to parents.. and not sending you invitations to make a representation on paper or to the chair of these meetings.. "What do you mean, you didn't get a letter? Well, we definately sent one."

Yup, i have had my rows and differences with the SS over the years, i know how they act, i know some of their failings, i know some ways in which they could improve.
They should consult service users (the kids) and their parents, then call up a bloody radical overhaul of the system, and while they are at it bloody well burn every copy of the childrens act 1989 (way fucking outdated now) and totally rewrite it from scratch with SUPPORT and family befriending at the forefront..allow the recording of any conversation/meeting/review..make it so the initial accuser is not then made the worker for the family..able to plant or make up evidence as they go along..Drop the use of psychology as a weapon in child care proceedings..its not as if its bloody scientific evidence or anything, its not PROOF, and can be twisted. Psychologists always say 'three years therapy' this is a bloody conspiracy considering three years funnily enough happens to be the threshold for a childs' timescale in which it could be returned to its parents..
THEY SHOULD LISTEN TO THE CHILDREN MORE, the kids that say they want to stay with their families are ignored. The support just isn't there to enable them to stay safely with their families..WHY?? Because the money is spent on care proceedings. I could have brought my house with the money spent on my case, THAT would have benefitted my kids more lol.

The taxpayer needs to know how the SS are pissing their hard earned money down the drain.
This is the only public money that doesn't have to be justified or audited in detail.
Spend some of this money on improving family life not destroying it ffs and give people like the OP a service that they can approach and know a child like the one described will be helped and not ripped from their family, there would also be less repercussions because the family may be grateful for such help where at the moment, as it stands, you find out someone has put you in hell (with a phonecall to the current CRAP SS) .. well, you are going to be angry aren't you? Certainly not grateful!!

CornBreadQueen, any update? I've been thinking about this situation. x

Just to add my two-penneth-worth, when going through a nasty court case several calls were made to SS about me (the other person thought that would strengthen his case). SS knew they were malicious but had to investgate. After the first time 'investigation' took place over the phone as it was a clear waste of time. We all new who was involved etc etc. However at one point the AHole other side managed to convince someone else to ring up and report me. Because ss had not heard the name before they called me and said "we have had an anon report, it was from X, do you know them? Apparently they got the information from Y". No, I am not abusing my children and never have, however, SS did give out the name, not only of an anon complainent but also of the anon. complainents anon. source!

If you wish to be anon. do not give your name at all, even if they promise to keep it quiet there is every chance they won't.