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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel deeply uncharitable, unchritian an a bit fecked off with the parent of the squalling brat at the carol service this evening?

159 replies

DisasterArea · 21/12/2008 19:45

don't usually mind children in church at all. but....
if a small child whines, mons, cries and doesn't show any signs of shutting up or going to sleep during an adult oriented service, not a family or crib or nativity service would you think its mother wold perhaps take it out after the first 45 minutes it whining and moaning and crying?the church in question has a crech. it has a room with sound piped in for parents to use to enjoy he service while minding their own children. it has services which are specifically for families and children. and it has quiet, peaceful services that appeal to adults wanting a bit of peace nd contemplation without listening to someone elses over tired and miserable child.
AIBU? perhaps a little but do you see my point? and if i have a point why do i now feel unchristian and guilty for seding bad vibes he way?

OP posts:
MaryBeWaiting · 21/12/2008 19:52

Aren't carol services for children then? I always thought they were...

How old was the child? 45 mins is a little long to be disrupting a service, but then on the other hand I have a DS of 7 with SN who CAN disrupt a service as well

tattycoram · 21/12/2008 19:59

YANBU. I don't understand why they didn't take them out, apart from anything else, I can't imagine anything more stressful than trying to shush a whiny child in the middle of a church service.

ThingOne · 21/12/2008 20:02

YANBU. Our church makes it very clear which services are for children and which are not. It is very unfair on all concerned - including the child - to take young children to some services. For the past five years I have missed out on most of the Christmas services as my children were not old enough for the proper carol service and we were with relatives by the time Christingle came along. You just live with it and wait for another year.

tengreenbottles · 21/12/2008 20:38

Isnt there a line in the bible that says something along the lines of 'suffer little children' ? Or am i totally wrong and church and religion is only for grown ups !!

mrsgboring · 21/12/2008 20:40

I wouldn't take DS to a carol service - have missed them since he was a baby

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 20:42

YANBU at all. If it's a family service, then it's fine for children to make all the noise they want, but if it isn't then it's up to the parent of said squalling brat to respect other people's rights to worship in peace. Why on earth did she not use the creche in this case?

ThingOne · 21/12/2008 20:45

You misunderstand tengreenbottles. Most churches have regular family services and special services for children at Christmas. Other times people want some quiet contemplation.

It's a bit like choosing the right restaurant for a three year old. Cafe Rouge good. Michelin three star probably not good.

normansmum · 21/12/2008 21:15

YABU. Church is for all. Perhaps that was the only service the parent could get to. As church is a community all should be welcome - whenever.

Would you be so put out by someone who sang loudly and very out of key?

ilovetochatupsanta · 21/12/2008 21:23

yabu, we have taken dd to a carol service tonight and she is 17 months and although she didn't cry she "sang" quite loudly and shouted amen and baby when she felt like it. carol services are for everyone.

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 21:26

If they sang loudly and very out of key for 45 minutes throughout the service even when the hymns weren't being sung then I would, normansmum!

I understand completely that it might have been the only service she could have got to, but after a while it would have become apparent that the child wasn't happy and she could have enjoyed the service from the creche whilst the child enjoyed playing there and the rest of the congregation could have enjoyed the service in peace and without distraction.

A win win all round.

kslatts · 21/12/2008 21:27

I think YABU, our church has services especially aimed at children, but children are welcome to all services.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 21/12/2008 21:29

YANBU, there was a place provided for the parent to take the child to where they could still have heard the service and the child would probably have enjoyed things a lot more.

YABU to call the child a squalling brat. He/She was probably tired/bored and just doing what tired/bored children do. Save your anger for the parent.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 21:31

Well we've just had our Carol Service tonight - church was packed (even the little upstairs balcony was full . Lots and lots of little chidlren there, mostly younger siblings of those singing in the Junior and Infat school choirs (tbey were invited to the service too).

Glad I don't go to a church were services are either for adults or families.

My DS3 has shouted and/or whinged his way through 1 Evensong, 1 evening worship and one or two other services too.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 21:32

oh and you are of course assuming that the child would have been happier in teh creche than in the church >>>

tiredsville · 21/12/2008 21:34

YANBU. The parents should have considered other people around them. Now thats being christain like.

Original poster
DisasterArea · 21/12/2008 21:34

am still feeling guilty and unchristian for wanting poor mother and noisy child to leave. but do think she should have when it became apparant child wasn't enjoying itself and wasn't going to stop whining or go to sleep.
i did however sing very loudly and rather out of tune during the carols to make up for it.

OP posts:
TheFalconInThePearTree · 21/12/2008 21:35

YANBU. It's considerate and polite to remove one's child if they are making so much noise that others are struggling to hear/enjoy the service.

I do expect to hear more noise at a children's service but even then there are limits.

lenny101 · 21/12/2008 21:36

Yes definately segregate the little child, give him to someone else to look after, exclude the brat! God, is it me? I think I should just not be on here tonight!

normansmum · 21/12/2008 21:37

But as for the creche, well given that church is supposed to be welcoming to all and for all, it would appear that the creche isolates members of the congregation because they have small children. No wonder church attendances are declining - people dont feel welcome.

MrsMagooo · 21/12/2008 21:38

YABU - we took DD & DS to the Carol service this evening & whilst DS slept all the way through DD sang (admittidly she sang Baa Baa Black Sheep) & danced. There were lots of other familys there also.

Church is for everyone young & old. We are all children of God.

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 21:38

Lets face it - it wasn't going to be any less happy in the creche, was it?!

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 21:39

haha Paolo - don't you bet on that - or I'll invite you to a service at our church with DS3 in attendance............(and you'll lose )

BarcodeTheRedNosedZebra · 21/12/2008 21:40

Ah! The season of peace on earth and goodwill to all men.

Congratulations! Santa's giving your chimney a skip this year...

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 21/12/2008 21:41

How do you know the parents knew there was a creche?

Perhaps it was the first time in years the parents have been to church and they wanted to carry on participating in it? Perhaps they kept thinking the service was just about to end or that they would cause more trouble by leaving - Dad carries out babe and babe cries 'MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY' the duration of the aisle or vice versa?

Perhaps we should remember that Christmas is about the birth of a child. That it was recognised by people of all types - from Kings to Shepherds. That it didn't happen on a silent night but in a busy town at the busiest time and that whilst we might all enjoy quiet and peaceful times - God is in our daily lives and our daily noise as well. It is our Christian duty not to put stumbling blocks in the way of others - now you could argue that the baby was a stumbling block for you or you could argue that by staying - however noisily - the parents and the child were taking part in a corporate celebration of the birth of Christ - and I'll say Praise the Lord for that.

lenny101 · 21/12/2008 21:42

Jesus TFITPT, glad I stopped going to church pre children.... "considerate and polite to blah blah blah.............." If you wont accept them, what hope have they?! Lockthem away until they're... what? 21?