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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel deeply uncharitable, unchritian an a bit fecked off with the parent of the squalling brat at the carol service this evening?

159 replies

DisasterArea · 21/12/2008 19:45

don't usually mind children in church at all. but....
if a small child whines, mons, cries and doesn't show any signs of shutting up or going to sleep during an adult oriented service, not a family or crib or nativity service would you think its mother wold perhaps take it out after the first 45 minutes it whining and moaning and crying?the church in question has a crech. it has a room with sound piped in for parents to use to enjoy he service while minding their own children. it has services which are specifically for families and children. and it has quiet, peaceful services that appeal to adults wanting a bit of peace nd contemplation without listening to someone elses over tired and miserable child.
AIBU? perhaps a little but do you see my point? and if i have a point why do i now feel unchristian and guilty for seding bad vibes he way?

OP posts:
bigguns · 21/12/2008 22:46

Loobeylou what a stupid comment suggesting that OP dislikes kids and is envious of the mother just because she doesn't want a child screaming in her ear. So much drama over such a simple thread FFS.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 22:48

but it's not a simple thread. As I have stated previously my DS3 has attended all styles of worhsip in our church, and usually made noise to some degree or other at all of them.

lenny101 · 21/12/2008 22:50

I think LL's point was that OP may have mitigating reasons why she's such an intolerant woman. I'm just really glad I've chosen to raise mine without religion. Night all, here's hoping Facebook's back on tomorrow night.....

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 22:51

Facebook is working now?? Has been all evening

bigguns · 21/12/2008 22:51

Making noise to some degree is fine, but out right screaming for 45 mins is blardy annoying even for the most holiest of people.

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 21/12/2008 22:52

maltloaf - my dd3 (aged 20 months and a church attender from aged 8 days) stood at the front of church a few weeks ago and absentmindedly revealed her tummy to those who were looking. She also frequently sits on the knees of other congregation members and I've at times felt like I was conducting a Sunday school class in my pew there have been so many girls in it. In the decade I've been going to this church I've seen the noisy, distracting children who were little when I started grow up to be beautiful young peopl who are walking with the Lord. They can run up and down the aisles as much as they like for me - because it's the heart that matters - not 'appropriate behaviour'. My church is my Father's house. I am who I am in my Father's house and so are my children.

lenny101 · 21/12/2008 22:54

Not for me and a few other MN's. Agghh really going now!

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 22:54

I'd be very suprised if it was outright screaming for the entire 45 minutes without stopping. Even my DS3 can't manage that after being whisked off to the creche! (and we've now hit tantrum age now too)

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 22:55

Has your church got different services though, Gold? If so, and there was one which was a quiet service, but there was also a family service, would you go to the family service or the other one?

If you went to the other one, and your child cried for 45 minutes, would you consider the other worshippers and the fact that they've chosen the appropriate service for their need and acknowledge that the child probably wasn't happy and stay regardless, or would you go to the creche/leave?

I'm genuinely curious. I've got 3 children as well, the youngest is 20 months, and I know that he would hate to sit through a full service, so we either use the creche or leave it for a bit until he's older. An evening service at the moment is a no-no anywher, as his bedtime is 7pm.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 22:57

Northern - revelaed her tummy - pah that's nothng.

However about 2/3yr old (can't remember how old she'd have been at the time) standing in the middle of the aisle at the start of a confirmation service - just as the bishop is walking down the aisle. Turning round bending over and lifting up her skirt to reveal pants to not only the entire congregation but the ever approaching Bishop.

That's what my BF's youngest DD did (BF save the Bishop from tripping over said DD by doing an increidble superwoman impression dashing diagnoally across the aisle to a seat on the other side grabbing her DD in a rugby hold as she went

piscesmoon · 21/12/2008 22:58

If you want quiet adult contemplation you go to an evening service that is specifically for adults-not to the library in the day time! If the same village has 2 services at the same time-one specifically for all ages for a good sing song and the other for quiet contemplation and readings-it seems deliberately awkward to turn up at the second with noisy DCs, saying Jesus said 'suffer the little children'-go to the library if you don't like it! Not when the parish has bent over backwards to give a service that would welcome DCs! People should try to be sensitive to the needs of all.

swanriver · 21/12/2008 22:58

YANBU, as the parents couldn't have been enjoying it either so why did they stay? I used to get furious with my loco toddler in mass, and now I wonder why on earth I didn't take him for a lovely run in the park - much nearer to God there than being cross imo. Funnily enough though a suprising number of toddlers do stick it out in good humour because their parents just keep on doggedly taking them so maybe that was the parents' reason.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 22:59

yes has several different services, and my DS's freuently attend all of them. If I can't find a baby sitter then the come with me.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 23:01

and no my DS3 wouldn't go in the creche - it's separated from the main church body by justa large (but thick) curtain and he's screams of indignation of being taken in there are even worse than the noise he makes in the church.

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 23:01

And the next question I asked - what would you do if you were attending a service that was specifically for quiet worship and they cried for 45 minutes?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 23:02

then they would stay for the last 15 minutes.

loobeylou · 21/12/2008 23:04

BIGGUNS "Loobeylou what a stupid comment suggesting that OP dislikes kids and is envious of the mother just because she doesn't want a child screaming in her ear. So much drama over such a simple thread FFS."

I was NOT having a go at the OP or saying this was her case. I was merely pointing out the Christian thing to do is to try to see both sides of a situation, rather than JUST slag off the mother for not keeping her kid quiet, or JUST slag off the OP for being intolerant! Those in our church who KNOW this womans recent history will be more careful that their Dcs don't "upset" her, but visitors have no way of knowing.

Agree with northernlurker again, the children that grow up in tolerant congregations where they are loved and valued, will be more likely to stay and bring their own kids to church in future than the ones who are hissed at to SHHH! or whose embarrassed parents give up bringing them. I know which kiknd of church i prefer (and un-typically ours is a tiny country church FULL of young families because of the attitude of the older generation has been "we don't want to see our church close in 5/10 yrs time, what can we do about it NOW to get more people in" - simple answer, welcome the children)

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 23:04

I'm not sure what you mean - they would stay for the last 15 minutes - does that mean you would take them out and bring them back for the last 15 minutes?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 23:05

no - they would stay in the church until the service had finished.

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 23:06

Loobey - they DO welcome the children! No-one hissed anything at her, and the church specifically provides family services as well as quiet worship for those people who prefer a bit of quiet contemplation!

bigguns · 21/12/2008 23:06

I suppose you've got to do what you've got to do in order to get noticed by the priest. (Isn't this the requirement for entry with the faith schools?)

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 23:08

as it happens yes my 2 older do indeed attend the Junior and Infant schools linked to the church i attend, However the criteria for entry goes

Children in care/with statements etc
Siblings
Catchment
Anyone else

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 21/12/2008 23:09

and I really don't think I need to try and be "noticed" by the priest - I'm rather looking forward to opening my Christmas present from her - what is obviously a large tin of chocolates

NorthernLurkerwithastarontop · 21/12/2008 23:09

My children aren't going to a faith school.

paolosgirl · 21/12/2008 23:10

So you would stay for the entire hour of quiet worship and your child would cry for that whole time but you would make no attempt to leave for the sake of the others in the congregation who wanted to worship in peace?

Wow.