To call up the nursing home DP's Grandfather is in and arrange to bring him home for xmas?

[TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor]

'Tis a long story, bear with me.

DP's Grandfather went into a residential home earlier this year. This is his first xmas there. He had a few falls and his wife left him where he fell, then went a bit strange making horrible comments etc to him so everyone is worried about them being together and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. He desperately wants to see her, as she does him. DP's father won't allow it which I think is wrong as they are grown adults, if someone interfered in mine and DP's relationship like that I'd be fuming. So far I have kept my nose out, not my business.

It was accepted that DP's Dad would bring him home to their house for Xmas day but now this isn't happening. It's perfectly understandable as MiL's parents always go there, one is in a wheelchair and the other has just had a hip operation so MiL is going to have her hands full as is.

MiL offered many times before Grandad went into the home for him to live with them, she was going to convert the dining room or get a stair lift and give him the large bedroom upstairs. FiL is retired so could easily help him and they were offered home help. FiL vetoed this.

DP and I have sat back and,a s I said, kept out of it but I don't think I can any longer. We are grown adults and DP's brother would help us if need be. We want to bring Grandad to ours for a couple of hours xmas day, to have dinner and spend some time with family.

FiL doesn't want us to. MiL spoke to DP last night and told him she'd 'sort it' by which I gather to mean 'Don't make a fuss' and I'm pretty sure nothing will be done.

There are only 6 days left til Xmas, we don't have the time to sit back and wait afaic. It's not like we can just turn up on xmas day and bring him home, we need to talk to him beforehand and ask him if he wants to come. We'll be going to see him Sunday so I think that would eb the best time to ask. Before we ask though I need to know it's feasible and that the staff can be prepared for him to come so as I see it today is the day I need to speak to the home.

AIBU to just ignore DP's parents and do it? DP wants him home but finds it hard to say No to his mum, who always listens to his lazy Dad.

FIL sounds like a control freak! You'd have a horrible Christmas day if you didn't ask grandad, you'd regret it IMO. Even if he doesn't come, you know you've asked.

I think you should do it.
Sounds like your DP would be really glad to have his grandpa home. (and you are a bloody good granddaughter-in-law!)

I think you are embracing the true spirit of Christmas (I know it's poncey but it's true!)

I think you should go for it. My Mum's elderly neighbours were seperated for 4 months and were both very unwell. When they were finally "allowed" to see each other their health began to improve almost immediately. I hate to see grown adults being treated like children just because they are old.

Good luck and I hope you all have a lovely christmas together.

It's not that he's a control freak as such, just bloody lazy, the way he sees it it's his xmas day and he wouldn't have the time to look after his dad.
FGS when we asked him to have the DCs for an hour whilst we went up to the hospital to see MiL's Dad he couldn't because he was 'busy'. He was watching the racing with a bottle of magners

agree with silent night

I would go ahead and ask your dp's grandfather, I wouldn't bother asking anyone, except him, if that is okay! It is nothing to do with your pils who you have in your house at Christmas!

Whether you have him Christmas day or not, I would look into bringing him to your house at some point for a visit.

I hope you manage to do this, despite your fil's terrible attitude, it is a good thing to do.

I think it's lovely you want him at your Chirstmas, ignore PIL, the grandfather is an adult and can make the decision himself he doesn't need permission from his children and nor do you.

aww that's lovely. fwiw, adn if i were you, i would also ask grandfather when you visit him on sunday(?), it is your house and up to you who you have there.

Right, well, I know from working in a home that it's not as simple as just taking someone out, there are provisions that need putting into place, plus Xmas day will be busy so they need to know that they have to get Grandad ready for us to collect so I should call the home today right?

Libra and Aefond are right, FIL has no veto over who you invite to your house. Ask Grandad what HE would like to do. I think it's a lovely idea.

Yes but do speak to Grandad himself!

Could you start the arrangements with residential home and work out logistics and then just say to fil that it could be worked out quickly...

So, he would have to say, 'no' rather than say 'yes' which may be more difficult?

I'm going to ask the home what would need to be done etc and then ask Grandad, I wouldn't want to ask Grandad and then not be able to bring him back due to logistics iyswim.

I'd ring them today - so they can start things in motion and then ask him on sunday. If he doesn't want to, it won't be as much trouble for the staff as if they could only start organising it on sunday.
Any chance you could get the grandmother as well and have a reunion (probably a bit unrealistic)

I've done it. He's coming home

Hurrah!

I work with older people like your DP's Grandad and as much as we try to do the whole Christmas thing where I work, it's not the same as being home with family. It suprising how many people don't get to go home though.

I think what you are doing is fantastic and it has brought a little tear to my eye. Sod what your FIL wants, because when it is him who is older and in residential care and you and DP show him the same kindness he will realise how wrong he was in this situation.

laweaselmys, I'd love to bring Grandma over too, my thinking is that if I can get Xmas done successfully then I can get DP to bring them together another time.

The lady I spoke to said he'd love to come home apparently he's been asking loads

I'm with Yanda - this has brought a tear to my eye too! Tiny Tim is a Christmas saint!!

You are doing a lovely thing and setting a wonderful example to your DCs. I will raise a glass to your and your DPs grandad tonight!!!!

Well done, VS! Just come to this - cannot believe your FIL is so lazy!! We're having DH's uncle as well as his parents and sister for Christmas as the uncle's ungrateful family cannot seem to find space for him. Well, actually, it's going to be a real squash and a squeeze here but we couldn't leave him alone on Christmas Day.

I have to admit, it's causing me some anxiety as all these extra people have to stay with us (we live quite far away from them) but we'll manage.

What a lovely thing to do, how long can you have him for?

I've spoken to DP and let him know what I've done, he's happy and he agrees that if it goes off without a hitch then we'll bring Grandad home to see Grandma in a couple of weeks.

SPS, we've said we'll bring him home at 12, Take him back at about 3/4pm because we only have an upstairs bathroom and he is immobile. I'd like to have him longer but he'll get to have dinner and open presents etc, also they said that they don't want him to get over exerted as it's the first time he's been out of the home.

How lovely