To call up the nursing home DP's Grandfather is in and arrange to bring him home for xmas?

[TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor]

'Tis a long story, bear with me.

DP's Grandfather went into a residential home earlier this year. This is his first xmas there. He had a few falls and his wife left him where he fell, then went a bit strange making horrible comments etc to him so everyone is worried about them being together and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. He desperately wants to see her, as she does him. DP's father won't allow it which I think is wrong as they are grown adults, if someone interfered in mine and DP's relationship like that I'd be fuming. So far I have kept my nose out, not my business.

It was accepted that DP's Dad would bring him home to their house for Xmas day but now this isn't happening. It's perfectly understandable as MiL's parents always go there, one is in a wheelchair and the other has just had a hip operation so MiL is going to have her hands full as is.

MiL offered many times before Grandad went into the home for him to live with them, she was going to convert the dining room or get a stair lift and give him the large bedroom upstairs. FiL is retired so could easily help him and they were offered home help. FiL vetoed this.

DP and I have sat back and,a s I said, kept out of it but I don't think I can any longer. We are grown adults and DP's brother would help us if need be. We want to bring Grandad to ours for a couple of hours xmas day, to have dinner and spend some time with family.

FiL doesn't want us to. MiL spoke to DP last night and told him she'd 'sort it' by which I gather to mean 'Don't make a fuss' and I'm pretty sure nothing will be done.

There are only 6 days left til Xmas, we don't have the time to sit back and wait afaic. It's not like we can just turn up on xmas day and bring him home, we need to talk to him beforehand and ask him if he wants to come. We'll be going to see him Sunday so I think that would eb the best time to ask. Before we ask though I need to know it's feasible and that the staff can be prepared for him to come so as I see it today is the day I need to speak to the home.

AIBU to just ignore DP's parents and do it? DP wants him home but finds it hard to say No to his mum, who always listens to his lazy Dad.

Do you have a time yet?

Yeah, we're picking him up at noon. FiL should be back from the home soon so I'm going to call him about nothing and see if he has anything to say.

Bloody well done VS, I'm very proud of you!

A lovely gesture Hope you all have a great Christmas.

Great news.

Aww MamaG

i hope you all have a lovely christmas.

Thanks, me too.

Can I give you a wee hint of advice?

Ring at 9.30 tonight and REITERATE TO THE NIGHT SHIFT

They will probably be getting him up in the morning, so they are the ones your FIL will try to cancel with if at all.

Tbh, I don't think FiL is clever enough to realise that, but I will do.
I think he realised that he has no say.
He tried scrabbling for reasons when we were there ("but you'll miss your Christmas Dinner here Dad") but we'd spoken to GF and he was happy to come with us.

I'm glad it's all working out. I hope you all have a lovely day .

The staff will be on your side on this. There is NOTHING WORSE than knowing they could leave but nobody is coming for them. I have held more than one little old lady sobbing her heart out into my shoulder over why her family doesn't ever visit. The home will, IMHO, back you to the hilt,.

Yeah, I got that impression when FiL tried saying they had called him and said he couldn't come home.
DP kept saying that maybe they were right so I called. They were quite happy to reassure me that as far as they were concerned they would do everything they could to help (hence arranging the meeting the next day that PiL's didn't turn up to)

I've been reading this thread for the last week and am holding my breath that it all works out tomorrow. It has brought several tears to my eyes...my dear Grandad died on Dec 5th, aged 95, and I am missing him very much. I think you are an amazing person, VS.

Thanks snuffy. My Dad was buried 7 years ago today, losing someone so important really brings the true meaning of family and Christmas home. x

I'm sorry, I'm late to this, should be cleaning so only skimming but...

WTF has it got to do with FIL? Three grown adults want to spend Christmas together and he isn't one of them. You're not asking him to get off his lazy arse and do anything except butt the hell out and stay in his own house. Weird...

Have a lovely Christmas, I hope grandad has a lovely afternoon with you all. Am a bit jealous in a way, this is what Christmas should be about and I'm only spending it with family I see every other day anyway. Awww, Christmassy un-Mnetty hugs

Goodness knows Snowballsinthesky.
All we got off FiL was 'He's my father' and 'Next time you pull a stunt like this go through me, I organise everything'
Sure you do.

Ha.

Th operative word being father, not child.

A father is a relative, not a possession.

YOur fil sounds (forgive me) like a spoilt little bastard.

Forgiven, and agreed with.

What a surprise, just chatting to MiL, and FiL tells her when he saw GF this morning he wasn't looking well so not sure if he's up to it.
I just agreed and said 'Yeah, I've spoken to the home and they said everything is fine but to give them a ring in the morning just to check'.

He came home, and had a lovely time

Thanks for all your support.

Glad it all worked out!

How did fil take it in the end?

happy christmas to you, VS...

FiL was really good about it in the end. I think although he is greedy and selfish at times there was a large portion of worry added to it (probably because he sees us as kids) but before I left PiL's this morning (we were there for breakfast) I took him to one side and told him not to worry, that I'd look after him and everything would be fine.
We popped back in after we'd taken GF home and FiL thanked us.

Happy Christmas to you too btw, sorry am in a daydream trying to upload music to DD's MP3 player