To call up the nursing home DP's Grandfather is in and arrange to bring him home for xmas?

[TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor]

'Tis a long story, bear with me.

DP's Grandfather went into a residential home earlier this year. This is his first xmas there. He had a few falls and his wife left him where he fell, then went a bit strange making horrible comments etc to him so everyone is worried about them being together and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. He desperately wants to see her, as she does him. DP's father won't allow it which I think is wrong as they are grown adults, if someone interfered in mine and DP's relationship like that I'd be fuming. So far I have kept my nose out, not my business.

It was accepted that DP's Dad would bring him home to their house for Xmas day but now this isn't happening. It's perfectly understandable as MiL's parents always go there, one is in a wheelchair and the other has just had a hip operation so MiL is going to have her hands full as is.

MiL offered many times before Grandad went into the home for him to live with them, she was going to convert the dining room or get a stair lift and give him the large bedroom upstairs. FiL is retired so could easily help him and they were offered home help. FiL vetoed this.

DP and I have sat back and,a s I said, kept out of it but I don't think I can any longer. We are grown adults and DP's brother would help us if need be. We want to bring Grandad to ours for a couple of hours xmas day, to have dinner and spend some time with family.

FiL doesn't want us to. MiL spoke to DP last night and told him she'd 'sort it' by which I gather to mean 'Don't make a fuss' and I'm pretty sure nothing will be done.

There are only 6 days left til Xmas, we don't have the time to sit back and wait afaic. It's not like we can just turn up on xmas day and bring him home, we need to talk to him beforehand and ask him if he wants to come. We'll be going to see him Sunday so I think that would eb the best time to ask. Before we ask though I need to know it's feasible and that the staff can be prepared for him to come so as I see it today is the day I need to speak to the home.

AIBU to just ignore DP's parents and do it? DP wants him home but finds it hard to say No to his mum, who always listens to his lazy Dad.

I hope once MiL realises we are doing it she'll support us anyway and then FiL can't really say too much.

Oh bless him! 95 wow! and good on you.

...

Oh FFS, apparently PiL's have been told by the home that he can't leave

What? Have the home contacted PILs?

..but you talked to the home and they were in favour of the whole idea, weren't they?

Well done VS!

Oh no!

Had warm fuzzy feeling about all this until your last post VS.

I guess you are away sorting it out now for you and him if it does not come off.

Are they going to cite the need for an assessment visit first?

Aww shit

Didn't see that. Why?

why did they say that???

do you mean, the Pils are just saying that VS? or he can't come out now?

I've just spoken to the home, apparently FiL said he doesn't want us to bring him home
The home have said that we can if we want to though, we've got to discuss it tomorrow with PiL and the staff at the home. Fucking ridiculous that we have to fight to bring him home.

I don't get this - does your FIL have legal rights over every move his father makes?

That is awful VS- do you think that you can have him at home without Pil 'permission'?

Wow - that's not in the spirit of Christmas

How odd. Why would FIL care that you are looking after him for the day?

How bizarre and mean.
Is something going on with Fil and GF that you don't know about?
Hope you are going to fight to get what is best for GF.
Good luck x

But surely, fil has no 'say' in what you do with gf?

Maybe fil worried that inheritance will go to your dh and not him

Hope your dh 'puts his foot down' and insists gf comes home to you.

FiL just put the phone down on DP, Reeeeeally mature.
We're bringing him home, fuck FiL.

Go girl!

You could just kidnap him on the day

Well we've got to go to the home tomorrow and I spoke to someone who said it's fine.
There is nothing FiL can do to stop us.
It's really pathetic, he obviously lied to MiL and got her believing the home didn't want him to come out, now he has been caught out lying he told DP 'He's my father, nothing to do with you, I say what happens' and put the phone down

By the way did you know that you can hire commodes if that might be at all an option to make things easier? The home should be able to advise.

what a tosser

Thanks SPS, they said they can make sure he has 'gone' before we pick him up and it would just be a wee he might need, which will be easily caterable with the hospital type urine pots.
If we bring him home and it's cool then we may hire one next time.