To call up the nursing home DP's Grandfather is in and arrange to bring him home for xmas?

[TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor]

'Tis a long story, bear with me.

DP's Grandfather went into a residential home earlier this year. This is his first xmas there. He had a few falls and his wife left him where he fell, then went a bit strange making horrible comments etc to him so everyone is worried about them being together and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. He desperately wants to see her, as she does him. DP's father won't allow it which I think is wrong as they are grown adults, if someone interfered in mine and DP's relationship like that I'd be fuming. So far I have kept my nose out, not my business.

It was accepted that DP's Dad would bring him home to their house for Xmas day but now this isn't happening. It's perfectly understandable as MiL's parents always go there, one is in a wheelchair and the other has just had a hip operation so MiL is going to have her hands full as is.

MiL offered many times before Grandad went into the home for him to live with them, she was going to convert the dining room or get a stair lift and give him the large bedroom upstairs. FiL is retired so could easily help him and they were offered home help. FiL vetoed this.

DP and I have sat back and,a s I said, kept out of it but I don't think I can any longer. We are grown adults and DP's brother would help us if need be. We want to bring Grandad to ours for a couple of hours xmas day, to have dinner and spend some time with family.

FiL doesn't want us to. MiL spoke to DP last night and told him she'd 'sort it' by which I gather to mean 'Don't make a fuss' and I'm pretty sure nothing will be done.

There are only 6 days left til Xmas, we don't have the time to sit back and wait afaic. It's not like we can just turn up on xmas day and bring him home, we need to talk to him beforehand and ask him if he wants to come. We'll be going to see him Sunday so I think that would eb the best time to ask. Before we ask though I need to know it's feasible and that the staff can be prepared for him to come so as I see it today is the day I need to speak to the home.

AIBU to just ignore DP's parents and do it? DP wants him home but finds it hard to say No to his mum, who always listens to his lazy Dad.

Do it. From my time as a nurse on elderly care wards I know that anyone in long term loved going home at Christmas - even if it was just for a couple of hours.
For those left behind I used to break out the booze donated to us. I remember giving an elderly chap who had Parkinsons a large glass of whisky (at his request) as a special treat on Xmas Day. Two hours later his family arrived to collect him having had a change of mind about whether they could manage him. He went to their car with a massive grin - caused by more than just the nice surprise of his family collecting him

He did say it was a fabulous day though.

why would somebody want to stop their father having what might be his last Christmas with family? You fil sounds awful to be quite honest - good luck - you are doing a lovely thing!

Feck knows.

Does your FIL think he's got Grandad under house arrest or something? I can't see how he can possibly order the poor man to be kept against his will.

I'd ignore FIL and just deal direct with the home if I were you. Hope you have a VERY merry Christmas with Grandad!

VS, Fil sounds as though he's really trying his damndest to hurt his parents! I have so much respect for the elderly and can't imagine why someone would treat their family that way. It is just plain nasty.
I so hope that you are able to get both GF and GM together on Christmas day, I get all soppy when I think of them sharing more fond, happy family moments together.

VS - you truly are a sweetheart

DP thinks his parents still think of us as children and they are worried. Either way, he's had his first ever row with his mum but we're still bringing GF home if he wants to come.

I really admire you and your DP for insisting that GF spends xmas with you VS. Having worked in care homes for the past few years I have seen many old folk cast aside by the family.

Its 'difficult' for some to put a bit of effort in. I hope Xmas day is great for you all.

Me too Emma, me too.

You're lovely, VS.
This bought a tear to my eye.

you going to the home today VS?
Will be sending you strength to fight off deal with Fil.

It seems to all be ok. We went to the home, PiLs were nearly two hours late but we'd already spoken to the home and Grandfather and when FiL turned up he told us off but then started going on about arrangements, telling us where the hat and coat etc is kept so fingers crossed he won't change once we are gone and try persuading GF not to come.

Yay!

Have a great day next week

Be sure to ring the home on Christmas Eve to repeat the arrangements - I wouldn't put it past fil to try and 'helpfully' cancel everything once your back is turned!

VS - well done! Just wanted to say if your Grandfather has all his marbles and capable of making his own decisions then it doesn't matter what the home or your FIL say - your Grandfather has the last say! I hope you have a lovely day.

That's pretty much what I said to FiL when eh tried to tell us off earlier, daizy.

Will do, lurker.

Thanks

BRILLIANT!

Should think FIL does not know what hit him.

A mere slip of a thing standing up to him...

Well done you!

lol Bree, I reckon I'm The Interferer rather than a 'mere slip of a thing'

UPDATE
I have just called the home and everything is still ok.
HE'S COMING HOME!!!!!!!

[fgrin ]
[fgrin ]

Now I'm just hoping and praying we've done the right thing and have no problems getting him in and out of the car.

BRILLIANT

Isn't it?
I know FiL has gone over this morning so I'n half expecting a phone call...

aaaaahhhhhhhh, what a lovely Christmas story! Well done!

It's not done yet.
I won't relax and believe it's ok until he's back at the home safe and sound.