To call up the nursing home DP's Grandfather is in and arrange to bring him home for xmas?

[TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor]

'Tis a long story, bear with me.

DP's Grandfather went into a residential home earlier this year. This is his first xmas there. He had a few falls and his wife left him where he fell, then went a bit strange making horrible comments etc to him so everyone is worried about them being together and he hasn't seen her in 6 months. He desperately wants to see her, as she does him. DP's father won't allow it which I think is wrong as they are grown adults, if someone interfered in mine and DP's relationship like that I'd be fuming. So far I have kept my nose out, not my business.

It was accepted that DP's Dad would bring him home to their house for Xmas day but now this isn't happening. It's perfectly understandable as MiL's parents always go there, one is in a wheelchair and the other has just had a hip operation so MiL is going to have her hands full as is.

MiL offered many times before Grandad went into the home for him to live with them, she was going to convert the dining room or get a stair lift and give him the large bedroom upstairs. FiL is retired so could easily help him and they were offered home help. FiL vetoed this.

DP and I have sat back and,a s I said, kept out of it but I don't think I can any longer. We are grown adults and DP's brother would help us if need be. We want to bring Grandad to ours for a couple of hours xmas day, to have dinner and spend some time with family.

FiL doesn't want us to. MiL spoke to DP last night and told him she'd 'sort it' by which I gather to mean 'Don't make a fuss' and I'm pretty sure nothing will be done.

There are only 6 days left til Xmas, we don't have the time to sit back and wait afaic. It's not like we can just turn up on xmas day and bring him home, we need to talk to him beforehand and ask him if he wants to come. We'll be going to see him Sunday so I think that would eb the best time to ask. Before we ask though I need to know it's feasible and that the staff can be prepared for him to come so as I see it today is the day I need to speak to the home.

AIBU to just ignore DP's parents and do it? DP wants him home but finds it hard to say No to his mum, who always listens to his lazy Dad.

Where is grandma VS?

She is at her house, nextdoor to PiL (see what I mean by lazy?)

So she is having the day with them then? I'm sorry if I've missed you saying this already.

No idea, I would like to think so as she is mobile so she wouldn't be a problem. We will be asking FiL on Sunday when we go over.

Would it be totally unrealistic to have her come to yours as well as grandad? I'm assuming that they are both quite elderly and obviously the older we get the higher the possibility that this could be our last Christmas iyswim . It could possibly be the last Christmas that they spend together...If you could do it of course...now I sound like I'm doing the guilt thing on you and I'm really not. It's just knowing this could be my Dads last Christmas, we are ensuring we all do it together as a family.

Thing is Grandma has been a bit...erm..bitter towards Grandfather for some time, this is the excuse FiL gives for not letting them see each other, also, she doesn't like to leave the house, and it would be impossible for Grandfather to go there.
However, if FiL bats an eyelid about her going to PiLs I will be bringing her here, no matter what he says.
We're at PiLs for Xmas Breakfast anyway so will pop round and see her, if she wants to come with us, we'll take her, but apparently whenever MiL has tried to get her out of the house she kicks off.

Well done VS

Ah, that makes it a bit difficult. Could Fil be exagerating the bitterness thing do you think? if she wants to see gf and gf wants to see her, it doesn't sound like a real bitterness iyswim?

Nowt so queer as folk!

That's the thing though Solo, She is made out to be the bitter old witch next door but we don't know how much of it is true.
We're hoping she'll want to see him and be happy to leave with us etc but it's quite possible she won't.

You can only do what you can do VS. Will you let us know how it all goes? I hope she does want to come with you and I hope that you all have a fantastic family Christmas together. Good luck with GM.

Apparently Grandfather was bit of lad when they were younger and since her brother, and then her daughter died she has always blamed him and been a bit bitter towards him, then the more fragile he got, the worse she got and just before he went into the home she was just leaving him when he fell and saying she wished he was dead rather than her brother.
This is all FiL's telling thoguh..

Fil doesn't sound very nice. Perhaps he's trying to get the family fortune...?

sorry, pressed send to soon...

*by keeping them apart he could be planting all kinds of mean and nasty thoughts into everyones heads, making himself out to be the good guy...

Solo. Nail. Head.

The only time he really goes next door is to get Grandma to cut a cheque.

Well done VS for getting this arranged. As someone else said earlier, this is what Christmas is all about - thinking of others, etc. I hope you all have a fantastic day & if GM can be there as well then fabulous

Meant to say, that's not why he is keeping them apart, but he is desperate for the inheritance.
He's just too lazy. hances are if they see each other one or other of them will kick off and want regular visits, or Grandad to come home, or God forbid, Grandma to join him in the home and them have to sell their house use his inheritance to fund it.

Then I would suggest your honour, that Grandma may be being coerced into not seeing her beloved husband of many years.
VS, you have of course now opened a big can of worms by 'taking it upon yourself' to have GD over for Christmas instead of leaving him to feel unloved in the home God love him. GM is probably being fed lots of crap too of course and may be feeling unloved.
I truly wish you well honey, I hope that standing up to Fil will be the start of his demise and that you can re unite Grandma and Grandad next week.

People can be so cruel

Thats wonderful.

It doesn't matter what festivities the Residential home lays on, its nothing like being out with the family.

I would move mountains to try and get any family member home for just a few hours on xmas day.

I really hope your Christmas plans work out well for your dp's grandfather and hopefully even his grandmother as well.

I know I've opened a can of worms, and I'm probably going to be moaned at for interfering. (though I have suggested to DP that we word what we say to FiL as we are doing a favour for him because we know he is too busy to eb able to do it himself etc etc)
Grandad is 95, There is a HUGE possibility he won't be here next Christmas.

Good for you. Hold on to the thought that you are doing the right thing through the storms of PiL's disapproval/guilt.