To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

[KatieDD]

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

I knew who her classmates would be because I got off my arse and went to the feeding nursery and asked for a list of those going to her school and sent invitations.

goldfaq...people have been holding joint parties for years....

Jerrica - because I wouldn't want to short change my daughter, the other three had them and so she will have one.

Other two I mean, she my third, last but not least and all that.

Maybe they have done a joint party as it makes sense from a logistical point of view?

Why does it matter what it costs them?

Katie I think you are investing too much symbolism in this little gang

relationships at this age are hugely fluid

are you projecting your own worries of exclusion at school onto your dd? Because it all sounds very nice and lovely to me, and that it is all going well.

A garden party or house in April will be massive fun and can be cheapy-cheap, particularly if you buy all the guff in January when all the party websites are going bust

You sound very bitter towards them.

Why shouldn't people save money and stress by doing it together? I doubt they are rubbing their hands and thinking of present yield in the same way that you are thinking how much less party you're getting for your cash.

I think it would be a real shame if you didn't bother doing a big party for your daughter's fifth birthday because you somehow see the parents as undeserving of your effort.

If I received an invitation from someone I had never met before, whose child was not at nursery with mine, 5 months before they started school, I think I would think they were a bit over anxious, a bit controlling and a bit of an alpha mummy.

Lighten up woman.

But if they are your dd's best friends you would buy them each a present anyway, regardless of whether they had a party or not, wouldn't you?

Or do you only buy presents if there is a party?

I can't believe this thread has gained over 100 posts!!!

I am glad that I am well past that stage-if I understand correctly you think that if you supply 3 presents you should have 3 parties or it is unfair?!! Weird. The easy answer is don't send her-do something as a family instead, if it upsets you.

I'll do the party because it's for DD3 nobody else however I do think the other parents are tight arses. End of.

And er no MP

KDD, most people do not arrange parties with ideas of giving and taking or fairness to guests in mind. They organise parties while thinking how to make it fun for their child.

You are expecting too much from others and you will be constantly disappointed.

but guadalupe it's not saving money for the people invited to the party is it? they have to buy 3 presents..

I have to say I'm very glad that the parents of DS's friends don't have the same attitude as you.

I recently held DS2's party - a small affair with just 8 of his new school friends invited, then there were my other 2 DS's, my BF's older DD and another friend's DS. It was at home, on a shoe string, there were no fancy party bags (they contained a piece of cake and that was it), no fancy prizes for games, and was held at home.

One of those friend's of DS2 invited him to her birthday party - a much more lavish affair held at the most expensive of the soft play centres in our town, fancy "gift bags" to take home, face painting etc etc, the birthday girl's mother even arranged (with me mentioning anything) for her MIL to pick DS2 up and take him to the party as it was going to be almost impossible for me to get him there

The reason for that was because her DD wanted my DS at her party to celebrate her birthday. Her mother didn't care that the party her daughter was invited to (DS2's) was a simple party at home, with no fancy entertainment etc on a shoe string budget, almost certainly costing no more than 1/4 of what her DD's party did.

And you know what - I@m bloddy grateful for that, as if the parents of my DS's friends based their decision on who to invite to their own DC's birthday parties on how wonderful/expensive/lavish those children's parties had been they would have been to virtually no parties at all.

YOU decide what to spend on a birthday party/'what to do for it based on your budget

THEY decide what to do for a birthday party based on the same things. And if sharing a party with 2 other people means that their DC will have really lovely party which they (and the other parents) couldn't usually afford who give a flying fuck?

I'm glad DS is not at the age where parties are required yet. I hate cooking, baking and organising party games.

As all sets of parents work full time, perhaps the joint party is to save effort, rather than money.

I really don't understand why you are so cross. Bizarre.

Will you be offended if someone gives your daughter a cheap present at her party?

There is going to be a AIBU-by-stealth any minute isn't there?

"But these women are all sleeping with my husband!" or something

lolol @ aibu by stealth

Something isnt ringing true for me. People facing finaicial hardship and job loss dont start planning lavish parties, their next DC and slag off other parents choice of supposed "cheap" party

Katie this has got to be the pettiest, most ridiculous thing I've ever read!
I'm actually slightly worried about you. Obviously you are having a worrying time at the moment and you've lost your grip of reality.
It make absolutely no difference to you or your dd if these 3 girls have a joint party. All that matters is your dd is invited, and she'll probably have a wonderful time.
Now, if you're going to carry on through school competitive point scoring, comparing costs etc, you will have a miserable time. and so will your dd, because believe me, she will pick up on you snidey disapproval.

Isn't the primary objective of organising a party for your own child doing something which they will enjoy ..... and if that means that their friends will also enjoy it then so be it, because what a washout it'd be if it wasn't nice and no-one enjoyed themselves.

You are incredibly naiive, or stupid, or arrogant, if you organise something you can't afford, or which takes more time and effort than you'd willingly give, simply because you are expecting to "get back" exactly the same sort of experience as tit for tat payback. Everyone's finances, circumstances, abilities and imagination is different, and such is the usual pressure and politics attached to the whole area of small kids' parties (not least from your own child), that anyone who doesn't hold a party probably isn't doing it to be "mean" or to deliberately "traumatise" very young children but because they are on their uppers, or because they have just split up from their partner or whatever.

I think this is really strange, or I just dont get it.

If they had 3 seperate parties, you'd have to buy 3 seperate presents, very strange, you will also if you think about it, spend more on petrol to get to the places and use up some of your time to get them their when you could be doing something else.

And do you really think they care how much you have spent on them, they are children for gods sake, isnt it just nice that they want your dd there.

Rookietherednosedreindeer - i think you've hit the nail on the head.

If it was three little tea parties at home and the parents spent £20 that I feel would be preferable to what she's been invited to.

In fact one of the girls mothers, who is one of the 3 hosts this time actually said to me about the other class party (which was a joint with 2 girls) that her daughter didn't go to that party because she didn't want to it was too noisy with all those children, 40 in total.
How strange she's decided to do the same then ??