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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
poinsettydog · 17/12/2008 20:36

I am really confused by this.

You think other people should make as big an effort over parties as you do?? Other people should think as much about fulfilling your dd's party dreams as you?

It really doesn't make sense.

beanieb · 17/12/2008 20:37

I am in shock that other people judge mothers to be 'tight'

poinsettydog · 17/12/2008 20:37

what do you mwean, beanie?

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 20:37

Katiekatiekatie

sit down and have a cup of tea

you are getting this all out of perspective

breeeathe

parties are PRICY, so having joint parties is a good idea. There is nothing personal in all this, from what you have said. It is just a party for little children, which the parents want to get over and done with with as little ruination to their own interior decor as possible. There will be ZILLIONS of very cheap presents in January (I've picked up some nice glow-y ball lamps this week for £2.50) if you aren't already overwhelmed by plastic stuff you can pass on without any of your children noticing.

Your DD's party will be loads of fun because it will be in the SPRING so it will be lovely and sunny and the children can play outside (April is ALWAYS HOT) and it will be more special because it will be JUST her party. All her friends want that really.

Everything is fine, really.

maretta · 17/12/2008 20:37

If your daughter had a best friend born the same week, would you refuse an offer of a joint party.

Ohforfoxsake · 17/12/2008 20:38

and how will DD feel when she received 3 cards from her closest friends? Or how will you feel for that matter?

You just sound bitter now. Not having a party because of what others have done? Is it about them, you or your DD?

harpomarx · 17/12/2008 20:40

god, I would be soooo glad if more people got together to do joint parties! Always have a ridiculous number to go to around dd's birthday. I would happily buy a present for all of them, don't see a problem (and I am a tightarse skint)

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:43

I hate joint parties, my middle one had one and the joint host blew out DD2's candles, never again we had tears for hours .
I actually did want DD to have her own party and would have refused so it's not really about that.
Just a shame that these girls are PFB's and the whole party thing for the 5 year olds seems to have gone utterly flat as I said DD1 was at a party every week and loved it, I enjoyed seeing her enjoying herself, ho hum.

OP posts:
thebrain · 17/12/2008 20:44

YABU if they had 3 different parties how would that be any cheaper for you? It would be a load more hassle for you too taking to 3 different parties. Surely sharing makes life easier all round?

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:45

I don't mind paying and am happy to take DD3 to 3 parties or 30 for that matter.

OP posts:
OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 20:45

A friend and I have already decided to do a joint party for our dds next year. The girls will be in the same class and as there are only 20 children, would have invited the same lot anyway. Their birthdays are only 2 weeks apart and in the past, we've always end up checking with each other so the parties don't clash. It just makes so much sense to share - same friends, same time of year, same venue (small village), same likes/dislikes etc. etc.

You're being the January eqivalent of Scrooge. Bah Humbug!

ScottishMummy · 17/12/2008 20:46

whose needs are you addressing here your dislike of joint party or dd invite to small do

marvellous dd has circle of friends,parties to attend

suck it up,it isnt all about you.the mum JD is doing plenty stuff you loathe

JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 17/12/2008 20:47

Is this a wind up?

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 20:47

So, if there birthdays were March, June and November.... they'd get a £10 present each.... making £30, but because they are in January they don't get anything?
YABVU- they didn't choose when to be born
They are 5, you've had 5 years of knowing when their birthdays are.... what's wrong with a little financial planning?

If your dd's birthday was in Jan... would she be having no presents either?
(Yeah- you may have guessed when my birthday is )

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:48

You see fishy, two children I can live with, three IMO is a tight.

OP posts:
moondog · 17/12/2008 20:48

You are quite quite mad.

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:49

Peach if they all had a party in January I'd happily spend a tenner on all of them.

OP posts:
beanieb · 17/12/2008 20:49

I think I get what you are upset about.You fear your child seems excluded? That the parents of the other girls, out of politeness, could have spoken to you about it before and expressed regret that your daughter couldn't have shared the birthday party?

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 20:51

Katie aren't your children independently educated?
How does £30 even figure?
Maybe the only way those children were going to get a party is by having a joint one?
I can't give DD a party for her next birthday- I'm having her brother about 5 days before!

beanieb · 17/12/2008 20:51

Oh - no, Just read back. You Do think they are tight

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 20:53

I agree with Moondog - you are a LOON. How on earth can 2 be ok, but not 3??????

I see what Beanie's getting at, but would you want your dd to be included in a joint party of 4???? Even if her birthday was near enough to the others?

It's not tight to share parties - it's common sense and makes otherwise often dire events, easier, less stressful for the parents, and more fun for the birthday children.

catsmother · 17/12/2008 20:54

Your attitude is bizarre and quite possibly rather nasty.

Maybe a joint party has been planned because this was the only way any of the mums could afford to do a party for any of the girls ? Maybe they too are facing redundancies or money worries (like many of us).

Even if that's not the case, and money was "no object", a joint party isn't a question of not making an "effort" but a practical solution to all sorts of practicalities like birthday date clashes, parents who work shifts and who only get 1 weekend off every so often, or parents whose other commitments mean it's a logistical nightmare ferrying children here there and everywhere on several consecutive weekends. But whatever the reason, surely the only thing any invited guest (or their parent) should be concerned about is the fact it's bloody nice to be invited to parties at all ........ I've seen several threads on MN from distraught mums whose children are rarely or even never invited to celebrations ..... maybe 'cos they're not part of a clique, maybe 'cos their child doesn't fit in, or has SN ...... but they feel dreadful on behalf of their kids who have to listen to everyone else excitedly talking about said party.

Most mums like getting party invites for their kids because it usually shows their kids are likeable and popular, and the vast majority of parents who send out invites do so because they want the company of their child's friends ..... not because they have their eye on a stack of presents as some sort of pay back for the invite.

If you would normally buy each of these little girls a gift because they are your daughter's friends then what's the difference if you buy 3 at once or 3 separated by a week or so. If money is tight after Xmas, or at any time, then you cut back accordingly ...... aside from recycling unwanted gifts of your own, go to Poundland or somewhere similar and pick up felt tips & colouring books. Done. They are only 4 FFS, they are not going to be totting up how much you've spent. Unlike you, who has totted up how much their parents have spent (or not) and become affronted by it.

One of my daughter's friends who's born in the summer luckily had a "party in the park" which is what it sounds like. Mum bought drink and cake and the kids played on the swings and had a great time. Did she do it to save money ? .... I've no idea, I just thought it was a damned good idea as there was plenty of space, plenty of entertainment, plenty of fun to be had and no mess. Working on your rationale, presumably this woman had made no effort whatsoever and her child didn't deserve a present.

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:54

No I do think they are being tight and nothing anybody has said has convinced me otherwise.

Not that it has anything to do with this but my children attend the local state school.

OP posts:
JumpingJingleBellsDizzy · 17/12/2008 20:56

So why ask AIBU? You've already decided you aren't?

Do you have many friends in RL KatieDD?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 20:57

so let me get this straight

We're in a recession (actually - is it official yet? or haven't we ahd the 2 consecutive negative growth periods yet).

PEople are facing redundancies, money is short for a lot of people. And I should imagine for those who have parties to organise for January even more so as they've had Christmas directly before it.

and you think they're being tight for doing a party for 3 children????

Do you think that triplets should have individual parties too

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