To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

[KatieDD]

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

Sorry - didn't make myself very clear. I was trying to go off at a slight tangent as I thought the reason why Katie is so upset is because her DCs have unequal social lives. (Can't believe I just said "social lives" about a 5 yr old lol!)

I was trying to point out that however hard it is for Katie to watch (or in my scenario deal with the fall out) it is impossible to make life fair for all your children all of the time. YOU as the parent have to explain why there are less parties/why she is not being invited to so many as her sisters etc.

Fair point Tabitha. But does and can a barely 5 year old recall the number of parties her sisters went to?
Because my dd, whilst reasonably intelligent, has no clue how her invitations stack up against that of her brother or that of her friends.
And I find it doubtful that the OP's dd is so aware. She is only 4 isn't she?

No 4/5 yrs olds wouldn't remember at all - only when a party is imminent and they are yelling "it's not fair....".

But Katie notices and feels bad for her DD. But this is something she has to deal with and not let DD realise otherwise the yelling will go on for an awful long time.

I remember feeling awful about it, not annoyed with the party givers but upset for my DC.

Anyway, good luck with your interview Katie.

But she is going to a party, she has been invited to one with 3 of her friends, I am almost sure that a 4 year old would not sit there and think should I not be going to 3 parties.

We also should not wrap our children in cotton wool, as much as we would like to, as then when something does go wrong, which invetiably it does in life, they then dont have the coping mechanism.

Tabitha, Katie's dd was invited to the party. Katie's problem was that she felt she would not be getting her money's worth if she bought 3 presents but her dd only attended one party.

I don't suppose it is Katie's dd who pays for the birthday presents, so she won't be suffering.

From her general posting, Katie is very taken up with getting her money's worth and not being conned into doing more than other people are doing. To me, this is a joyless attitude that I would not like to teach my children.

thoughful post pretty butterfly

i mean your first one

Well thank Cory for explaining to other people what I am thinking, whilst you have you're mind reading hat on, will I get the job, will my IVF work, will DD1 pass her 11+ ????
TIA

are we all forgetting ere that your average five year old can barely remember what they had for lunch by tea time.

I have read most of the thread and what I have read makes me very happy.

I have three children who enjoy life, are happy for each other, take pleasure in small things and manage to be happy for others when they get something too..

I actually think that was part of my job.
Had my daughter ever complained aboutthe way another childs party was arranged because it affected her negatively she would have found herself party less that year.
And I would equally lock her in a cupboard if she expressed any negativity about how much a present cost. Her fav party present last year was some cat notelets which must have been a couple of quid. That was June - she still has the last few next to her bed.

We really should stop piling our commercial shit on our children.

gosh katie you have a lot on your plate right now! 3 children and you are having IVF? And you are going to a job interview today? and did you say your Dh was made redundant?

Sorry, I thought you had flounced because you were not interested in this thread, Katie.

You made it clear yourself in your OP that you were concerned that the parents were getting off lightly. I don't need to be a mindreader- I can read your posts.

I have read plenty of other posts of yours which make it clear that you do care a lot about the cost of things and whether other people are doing as much as you.
(as witness the post where you say you wouldn't be able to thank some people for the tatty presents they give your children).

The only thing in my previous post that was my own contribution was the statement that this is a joyless attitude. And that I stand by.

I appreciate that you're having a tough time at the moment. But that is no excuse for accepting a grudging comparing attitude from your children.

If you want them to be happy, you need to teach them to get pleasure from giving without immediately glancing over their shoulder to see if they are getting as much back.

There will always be people who cannot reciprocate. The trick is to learn to enjoy the giving.

And good luck for the job interview. I can't see in my mind-reading hat whether you'll get it or not- but let's hope so!

Hi Katie - are you still here? Bet you wish you'd never said anything now

Your dd is in a nice group of 4 - so you could reasonably expect there to be at least 3 parties she would definitely be invited to over the year. Now your dd is getting 3 for the price of one. Parties are fun and (most) kids like them, so you are feeling on your dd's behalf -

Or that she has been left out of the party giving with her friends?

My children have all had their birthday parties at home until the age on 8. They get to invite around 8 friends, I bake buns/jelly/do pass the parcel etc.

After the age of 8 I find 9/10/11 children too BiG to do the parties at home so then I take 10 (birthday child +9) bowling.

I refuse to hire a hall and pay £200+ for parties...with 4 children I simply cannot afford it. I've never done the "invite the whole class" thing and yet most other parents do around here.

Do I care? No. Are my childrens parties better than any others? No. Are the others better than the ones I throw here? No.

Children simply don't care! It is a party, end of. They like a party bag/playing with friends/cake. They go to joint parties and enjoy them - I couldn't care less that they are joint...neither do the children!

KatieDD, YABVU and money-grabbing. There again you'll probably think I'm a skinflint...

meant one for price of 3 - doh with these BOGOFs

That's it exactly Merrylegs, Dh and I were a bit about it, should have left it at that really.
But as I mentioned before and everyone chose to ignore, DD is friends with R, E and C. R actually didn't go to the only other party that has happened since September because R doesn't like noise and that party was a joint one between two girls, so I am equally quite surprised that R's mum has agreed to this idea.
Oh well.
ilove, my girls have at home parties too, just the first one where they are all getting to know each other and the parents are getting to know each other are usually all class parties. Until this year group, it's just a shame for DD3 who at 4 does know the difference between her sisters going to a party most weekends and her going to one all year, how could she not notice that ??

Katie can I ask when you got the details of the children from the nursery did they give names or addresses?

They asked around the mums to see who was going to the school, gave me the children's first names and then handed out the invitations to the mothers on my behalf. No data protection laws were broken in the making of this Birthday party.

I ran my parties exactly like ilove. If people want the madness of the whole class that is up to them, but I see no need to reciprocate.
The best thing that you can do for your DC is help them get over disappointments-they will be more able to cope when they hit them later on.

I can only apologise if your face isn't smack-arse-esque. I can't help the impression you have given on this thread being one of cheerless, mealy-mouthed, party-obsessed whinger.

I'm only sorry you didn't read past that part of my post - or perhaps you did and I touched too many nerves with it?

Katie - I can understand that you're annoyed. Your daughter loves parties, and you love parties, but the other parents aren't throwing them. It's fine to be annoyed at this.

But to be annoyed at the actual parents is going too far. You can't impose your views onto others. They don't want to have these parties, (regardless of whether they can afford to or not) then it's up to them. If they would prefer to do a family outing with their child as a special treat, again, their choice.

You were fortunate with your other DDs that their friends' parents shared your mindset and they had lots of parties to go to. Well, now you're not so fortunate with this group of parents, but you're just going to have to deal with it. Instead hold some 'slumber parties' or other outings with a small group of friends for really no reason at all apart from letting your DD and her friends have a good time together. Gosh, if you had offered to take two other children to a panto or something with your DD and asked the other parents to pay for their child's ticket I'm sure a lot of the parents would leap at the chance! (And as it's not a birthday treat wouldn't go at paying for it).

Merry I would have no doubt they would jump at it, I'm afraid at the moment it's a case of shove a broom up my arse and I'll sweep at the same time though.
And if I got just one ounce of the favor returned I'd be more inclined to bother but as it's the same people coming to ours everytime and the invites are not returned it does make one quite jaded, so that's not a road I'm going down again.
Nope poor DD3 has drawn the short straw, unless the others are going to join in and play the game it'll be an all class party this year from me and that's their lot. Dh's being jobless for now might as well be a good excuse.
Right I really must leave this to die it's natural death and sort myself out.

Whatever happened to the idea of parties as fun?

Rather than a favour grudgingly done to the ungrateful.

I have ploughed through this whole thread - and I'm totally baffled. I would view the joint party as a good thing, don't you all do stuff together as family at weekends etc so therefore 1 party invite is better than 3?

Tbh if I got an invite from a mum I didn't know to a flash party held with the view that our kids might become friends I'd be rather put off and feel like I couldn't compete.

Times are clearly changing, which I'm relieved about because the party thing has got so out of hand (I have nieces, DS is only 5 months) that I was dreading it. I don't see why it should change your plans for your DDs party though, if it's what she wants and you can afford it and want to make the effort for her then do it.