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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
psychohohohoho · 17/12/2008 21:24

fab idea.........how cool is that.....saves a heap of money and shares the crap!

Guadalupe · 17/12/2008 21:24

I thought you said earlier in the thread that you might be inclined to think fuck it if the others weren't making an effort, I'm glad you'll have her party whatever.

Daftpunk - no, it's not saving money for people that have to buy three presents but it is up to you how much you spend. You can get really sweet present for under a fiver.

happywomble · 17/12/2008 21:25

I can see why OP is frustrated. If each girl had an individual party there would be three parties for OPs DD to go to so she would spend £30 but her DD would enjoy three parties and have more fun & entertainment, have three chances to wear her best party outfit etc.

The three girls having a shared party means that OPs DD only has one party to go to and OP will have to spend £30 on one afternoon's entertainment.

I think if people are having a joint party that is ok but maybe they should expect smaller presents..maybe spend £5 on each child rather than £10..you could go to M & S 3 for 2 Xmas shop and get the pressies cheaply that way.

ingles2 · 17/12/2008 21:26

ok then Katie... you sit back, and be smug that you can be bothered to host a single party for your dd. I hope you enjoy it

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:27

haha at the thought of everyone spending £10 on a present.

I would like to extend an invitation to one or two posters on this thread.........................

To the real world

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 21:28

I do think that if the invite-all-the-class parties are NORMAL and your DD has only been invited to ONE so far, that is a bit odd TBH

Are you the headteacher?

alfiemama · 17/12/2008 21:28

There are so many chances to go to parties tho, ds is at one every week at the mo

JerricaBenton · 17/12/2008 21:28

so its all about how much your daughter will get - one party, one party bag etc? You dont think that is worth forking out for 3 presents?

poinsettydog · 17/12/2008 21:28

or the seething woman in the corner?

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:29

FAQ your world is very different from most peoples that doesn't make our world wrong and yours right. Just different.

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:30

Alfie, this is my point, the poor little soul had only been to one all year. Nobody it seems can be arsed.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 17/12/2008 21:31

i have never spent less than £10 on a present... and with the card and wrapping paper i guess i spend around £15.

ingles2 · 17/12/2008 21:31

you sure it's that Katie mmm? nothing to do with you per chance?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:31

FFS Katie

Have you seen any news reports recently? Read any threads on MN recently? Read a newspaper. People are facing job losses and financial hardship across the country. We are on the brink of a recession - so actually my real world is the same as a lot of other peoples.

And when both exH and I were both working I still could't afford to pay £10 for a birthday present.

ChippyMyrrhton · 17/12/2008 21:32

Well FAQ has described my world, for one.

edam · 17/12/2008 21:33

Katie, read the thread, it's you who is out of step with everyone else, not FAQ!

oxocube · 17/12/2008 21:34

parents/parties/playground politics. So very, very boring. Your daughter will enjoy the party. You need to get over yourself. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel about these ridiculous threads.

Life really is too short

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:34

That must be it, I held the best party ever in the whole world of 4 year olds last April and nobody feels they can top it therefore they aren't having another one ever again, shit it's all my fault.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 17/12/2008 21:36

You are quite right. These parents should have planned their children's party according to your preferences of course.

Guadalupe · 17/12/2008 21:36

£15 seems a lot to me. I can imagine a triple party would be expensive if you spend that much, though I suppose you could save a bit on the wrapping paper if there were three presents, depending on their size of course.

alfiemama · 17/12/2008 21:36

Katie have to agree with FAQ nobody is speding the same amount on anyone.

For years me and my friends have spent the same amount on each other, but this year something has to give, and it has to start with someone, but I dont moan about it, its just life, I am just grateful that my friends can cut back and not go under.

Your daughter will get her time, I would just try and relax and maybe instill the importance of you dont give to receive to your daughter and she will have many an invite.

JerricaBenton · 17/12/2008 21:36

Ive never paid £10 for a classmates present!

I picked up bargains all year round & have a present drawer lol

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 17/12/2008 21:37

They could well be doing it to save effort. In the same way that others in RL probably have no idea about your situation, you may not know exactly what is going on in their world.

At the minute I am recovering from recent surgery and am on hormone treatment that makes me feel permanently exhausted and depressed. It is a real struggle to get through the day now I am back at work and then look after DS at home. However, in order that no one can think unpleasnt things about me or my family I have just spent 2 hours writing cards to people that we scarcely ever see, just because I don't want them to think badly about me.

Perhaps one or more of these parents are struggling to keep it all together and another one suggested a joint party to reduce effort and spread the load ?

I just think you are projecting too much. I'm the kind of mum that will never be able to organise an all singing dancing razzamatazzy birthday party with home made cake, super spread and fun party games. You clearly enjoy doing your daughters special birthday parties and your DDs enjoy attending them. Keep on doing them for this reason, not for some nebulous concept about being owed invites to the exact number of parties in return.

piscesmoon · 17/12/2008 21:37

When my DS were that age they asked a few friends, it was then fun for them. Some of the friends asked them back, some didn't-we certainly were not going to ask a DC purely because they had been to their party. You can't do them at home, you need lots of organisation and you get too many presents if you have everyone.

EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 21:38

Katie- honestly do you not think a little bit odd that you invited children your DD did not yet know to her 4th birthday party?

May I ask why?
It smacks of desperation tbh of trying to buy friends for your DD, according to how much you lavish on party guests.
Surely the best way to encourage friendships would have been to have children over to play or for tea, or 'at homes' etc once the children had started at the school?

I would have thought that ease was the reason for joint parties... it's very sad that you just think they're tight. Even if they are penny pinching, I would have thought if your DH has just lost his job you would have some sympathy in that area, or at least empathy.

As FAQ says- for many families, these are lean times.