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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 17/12/2008 20:57

3 is too many...not because of the cost of buying presents all in one go ( and i wouldn't give £2 rubbish to anyone) but it must be chaos? i have been to joint parties and they're bad enough.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:58

No, no friends at all that's why I enjoy coming on here and fight with you lot

OP posts:
morningpaper · 17/12/2008 20:58

I'm also confused as to why your DD3 has only been to one party - have you never held a party for her before? Or have you been doing this but none of the attendees have reciprocated? Or are these all new friends from school (is she in Reception?) that she has only known for a few weeks? If so, I expect the other mothers knew each other beforehand, and planned this accordingly?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 20:58

not sure how a joint party for 3 children that attend the same school, and therefore probably want to invite a lot of the same people is going to be any more chaotic than any other party where the whole class is invited???

poinsettydog · 17/12/2008 20:59

Are you feeling alright today? You sound quite unpleasant and selfish on this thread.

bran · 17/12/2008 20:59

I love the AIBU threads. It so often boils down to one person having a strong etiquette for something minor "I would always/never do xxx", and then getting all upset that the rest of world is failing to follow her etiquette.

YABU, I bloody hate birthday parties and would be relieved to get three over with one blow. I often make up reasons why we can't go to parties. I managed to avoid half of them this term, although DS is starting to ask searching questions now so I suppose I'll have to stop that. The only thing I hate more than going to a child's birthday party is organising one for DS.

mumof2andabit · 17/12/2008 20:59

How horrible. Your dd's friends are havi g a party - yes it's a shame that as it's their party she has been excluded from organzing it but come on. If it's the plastic tat that offends you get your dd to make friendship bracelets and put em in a nice box.

And chill.

TurquoiseNicki · 17/12/2008 21:00

Your question was 'Am I being unreasonable..?' In short, it seems, yes you are being a bit unreasonable. Parties are meant to be fun - lighten up. There are more important things to be worrying about!!

abigproblem · 17/12/2008 21:00

Look I have been invited to joint, triple parties etc. The party givers tend to give better party bags if that haleps

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:00

oh lucky you DaftPunk - you're not in the category of people for who buying Birthday presents is financially difficult so have to resort to the £2 "rubbish" .

catsmother · 17/12/2008 21:01

Why the hell do you think they are being tight ? ..... because your daughter misses out on 2 "potential" other parties. Like she even bloody well knows, or cares, at the age of 4.

You are being incredibly unreasonable. It isn't your place to judge what others choose to spend or not on your child. What if these people had decided to have NO party at all ...... would that have been better (because then you'd have felt no "obligation" to buy a present) or worse (because your daughter then got to go nowhere) ?

beanieb · 17/12/2008 21:03

I say - isn't it lovely that those three girls have such a great friendship that their mothers got together and did this for them, and isn't wonderful that your friend has been invited.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:03

DD3 has only been to one party because she started reception in September.
I held a party for her in April at a local farm so she would meet her classmates and have a nice time.
I planned to do something else lovely for them all again this year.

What it boils down to I guess is it's all a bit one sided, nothing to do with where the parties held or what's spent, I'm just sick of being the one that puts in all the effort, organising something nice I think they'll all enjoy and getting not 20 invites back but one from the first two girls and then exactly the same from not two but three this time, feels like they are taking and giving very little back.

OP posts:
beanieb · 17/12/2008 21:03

sorry - I mean that your daughter has been invited as a close friend

JerricaBenton · 17/12/2008 21:06

lol, this must be a joke

Turniphead1 · 17/12/2008 21:06

We just an invite for 3 of DD's classmates - and I was very thankful (otherwise our weekends are just chocca). And they very kindly asked for a present for just one of the children (they told us which). A very good sensible way of doing things.

beanieb · 17/12/2008 21:07

Why can't you continue to plan to do something else lovely for them this year?

babylovessanta · 17/12/2008 21:07

I would send them all an small presant - couple of pounds each or even just a cheap card each. YABU - a bit!

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 17/12/2008 21:07

ok Katie let me explain something to you which you've obviously missed somewhere along the line.

Parties cost money
Not everyone can afford a "nice" party where the children have a "lovely" time such as you ovviously can afford to do.

A LOT of people are struggling financially at the moment, and many probably don't have the money you do to throw at a party - so rather on their children missing out they've got together with other parents to pool their resources and that makes them all greedy "takers" does it???

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 21:08

I think that even at this age, her social life is largely dictated by YOUR social life. My 6 year old largely has play-dates and parties with the children of people that I socialise with. Maybe you could concentrate on that a little more? Throw some open-houses, informal play-dates, don't stress so much about 'formal dos'....?

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 21:08

(BTW how did you know who all her classmates would be back in April?)

OhLITTLEFISHofBethlehem · 17/12/2008 21:09

So Katie, if you feel like that about it, don't bother having a party for your dd. Just have a couple of friends round for tea.

If you're only doing it to get something in return, then you really just shouldn't bother. It's a very sad and selfish attitude.

Are you jealous that these other mothers are friends?

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 21:10

FAQ my husband lost his job in November so do not even go there, this is not an area where people are struggling to put food on the table, it's an area where people think it's lovely that Dh is having a nice break, never mind that I've gone grey overnight with worry.
The people involved in this party all work full time as do their partners, are about 10 years older than us and bought their house for about £50 in 1996.

OP posts:
JerricaBenton · 17/12/2008 21:10

My DDs (not twins) share a birthday - am I cheap because I have joint parties?

JerricaBenton · 17/12/2008 21:11

If your DH has lost his job, why are you even considering a lavish party for 30 kids???