Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
lilolilbethlehem · 17/12/2008 23:37

Katie, am not going to be rude to you - just honest - so please read on.
Started to write that you should divide what you would have normally spent between the 3 of them. You can actually do quite a lot with £3 each (Book People/early sales/3 for 2 etc).
Then read it's not the money, but that your precious little DD will only have one party to go to instead of 3....
Have you stopped to think that perhaps some of the children couldn't have had parties at all if they hadn't shared the cost? Or the time involved in oganising?
Your attitude is putting DD at risk of not being invited to any parties in future. 1 party instead of 3 is the least of your worries I fear.
Might come as a bit of a shock to you but people don't actually arrange their lives and decisions around you and your children.

chloemegjess · 17/12/2008 23:38

KDD - in some posts you are saying it is not about the money/buying 3 presents etc and yet you keep going on about them being TIGHT. Surly going on about somebody being tight, is meaning it is about the money?

To be honest, you sound like you are being a complete selfish cow. It has nothing to do with you and you don't have to go.

If you don't agree with all this then why the hell are you going???

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 17/12/2008 23:38

Bexie- I went to a party for 3 kids and did what you suggest- 3 identical gifts. They were actually on offer- buy one get one 3 in Tesco. So I bought 4 and number 4 will be in ds3's stocking.

ihatebouncycastles · 17/12/2008 23:38

KatieDD - it could yet get worse. You could arrive and discover that, not only is it a squeezed-together communal party - they've decided to splurge and splash out on a bouncy castle.

And all the parents are in a corner, utterly p*ed, except for the three outside having an argument, and the dcs have been allowed to freely avail themselves of the E-number buffet and are wildly bundling on the joyous, heaving lump of plastic that is the party centrepiece.

I hate parties like that. you can't even dump-n-run - you're glued to the party as the only parent excluded from the good time had by all by the ties of responsibility.

I hate bouncy castle parties.

At least it sounds like your area doesn't have a lot of those.

TheBayingBanshee · 17/12/2008 23:42

Some of the mums in my class have suggested doing joint parties for at least 6 and maybe more... shock horror gasp. How utterly appalling that would be for you. But I think it is a fab idea.

And frankly I am fed up of parties, when I was a kid we had a couple of parties, certainly not one every year. IMO the party thing has got out of hand so well done parents who rein it in a bit.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 23:42

I do appreciate it could be worse.
Again another nail in the coffin is that because no doubt they'll be 40 odd kids there I will have to stay and look after DD3 where as the other parents did dump and run on me.
I may well be stamping my feet and having a tanty but the fact is whilst this isn't all about me and my DD, I make a massive effort to make my DD's parties all about other people enjoying themselves and being a good host, is that really so difficult to understand/unusual ??

OP posts:
TheBayingBanshee · 17/12/2008 23:45

I think you need some meaning in your life to stop you fretting about crap.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 23:45

Chloe, I would happily buy three presents for three parties.
I actually feel a bit sorry for the three girls, we're surely not all going to have to sing happy birthday three times whilst they blow their candles out ?? It's not very special for them is it ?

OP posts:
Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 23:45

Well thank you for that insight Banshee, very constructive.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 17/12/2008 23:47

How do you know that they won't? If it's a joint party there will surely be more parents around to be helpers, thereby lessening the need for parents to stya?

TheBayingBanshee · 17/12/2008 23:48

I think it is constructive, have you considered investing your energy into voluntary work rather than crappy parties. Really life is too short for this kind of nonsense.

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 17/12/2008 23:48

Katiedd you are so difficult to undertand/unusual. Sorry!

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 17/12/2008 23:49

got to say I'm with banshee. This really does not have to be a problem. It isn't a problem - not in any shape or form. You are making it one. Why?

The joint party of 3 I went to did have 3 separate cakes and 3 lots of candles. It worked well.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 23:50

Fine it's not a problem, just a bit rubbish of the mums in DD's year, she's drawn a short straw it would seem.

OP posts:
lilolilbethlehem · 17/12/2008 23:53

I can understand you want to be sure your DD is well looked after. But remember, although there are 40 kids, there are 3 sets of parents so 3 x the number of adults compared to a single child's party.

I know this is going to sound condescending, but I promise you, you are going to look back on this thread and cringe in a couple of years time. It's easy for many of us to mock, but for me at least it's a long time since my DCs were 4 and just embarking on the party circuit. You will get to a point where you hope and pray you can have a weekend without a party. One time, DD went to 4 parties in one weekend. It was crazy and I wished the children had had a joint one.
Please, please don't pass on your prejudices to your DD, as you say, she's in a nice little group and that is fantastic for her. Don't do anything to spoil it (like just taking a card as your OP suggested). Please go away and think about what people have written on here. Whatever you write on here is irrelevant, it's the decisions you make in RL that are most important.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 17/12/2008 23:55

How on earth do you twist it to that?

The world doesn't revolve around your dd. 3 families have clubbed together for a party. As (ime) many families do. Your dd doesn't feature in that decision. She's been invited and can go if she wants.

Or you can have a hissy fit and sulk at home. Either way isn't going to make much difference.

If this can retain the position of big problem in your life you're really very very privileged.

Original poster
KatieDD · 17/12/2008 23:58

Where did I suggest she wouldn't go ?
These are her friends why would I stop her going ?
However I can think what I bloody well like, as far as I know the thought police aren't in place just yet

OP posts:
lilolilbethlehem · 18/12/2008 00:00

I don't think there's much point in posting any more, Katie I have tried to be fair and helpful but you clearly aren't reading the constructive posts or listening to what those of us who are trying to help are saying.

Original poster
KatieDD · 18/12/2008 00:02

I wasn't responding to your constructive post. I do see what you're saying.
I'm sorry I am annoyed, cannot help the way i feel, end of.

OP posts:
jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 18/12/2008 00:03

So if you're going to go then why on earth all this over-analysing a 4 year olds party?

So the big question is are you going to go and suck lemons. Or get over it and realise this is actually an entirely normal thing to do (my kids have been to a number of joint parties- seem to have emerged unscathed).

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 18/12/2008 00:04

"I'm sorry I am annoyed, cannot help the way i feel, end of."

No but you can gain some perspective. It can be helpful.

Original poster
KatieDD · 18/12/2008 00:05

I am certainly going to go away and rethink the party I had planned for DD's classmates and rethink how much I consider others when making my plans because as you've all pointed out that isn't how other people think, so clearly I have got that utterly wrong haven't i ?

OP posts:
lilolilbethlehem · 18/12/2008 00:05

One last word of advice... regardless of your views about shared parties, and you are entitled to your views, of course... don't alienate yourself from the other parents, which you do inadvertently. Getting on with the other parents will have as much influence over your DD's social life in future as her own friendships. That's not right either, IMO, but it really is the way it is.
Hope it all works out.

choosyfloosy · 18/12/2008 00:23

Wow, it's incredible how AIBU threads can make you me one feel judged - I am currently organising a joint all-class-and- then-some bouncy castle party for ds and a classmate who has the same birthday. I'm going to two parties this weekend and have bought them both children's books from the local charity shop at 75p each.

All in all, I think I will send the invitations out quite late so that people can legitimately claim to be unable to come - I'm clearly organising hell on earth for most people. But the little party at home that I did for ds last year was a) nightmarishly stressful and b) a source of guilt for months at all the people I didn't invite. Oh well.

chloemegjess · 18/12/2008 00:37

choosy - no, unless you have invited KDD's child to your party, I think you have a good plan