To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

[KatieDD]

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

I cannot believe how sanctimonious everyone is being about this.

Basically, we all know that children's parties are hell on wheels. No - they're hell on e numbers - that you have to organise and then clear up after.

You do it and then ... relax ... and watch on with delight as dc enjoy all the other hell on e numbers that aren't, mercifully, your problem.

It's kind of like everyone putting something into the pot and then taking a bit out again.

These mums aren't playing in the spirit of the game. It's the Prisoner's Dilemma and these mums have gone for a cut-throat defence. They've cheated, taking advantage of the fortuitous stroke of luck of coincidental brthdays.

You're all way to hung-up on the present thing. what they've cheated on is the suffering.

It's my belief that when your dcs are getting bigger and your thoughts start roaming towards the baby section of Gap, it's not the idea of dimly remembered sleepless nights that puts you off embarking on the joys of buggy-buying, it's the immediate and present horror of the birthday party that does the trick.

And where will it all end? the Prisoner's dilemma illustrates that it is ultimately in the long-term interests of all to co-operate and behave altruistically. I foresee a trend of conglomerate birthdaying, where parents group together in mass birthday parties and those lone souls, with dcs born in September glumly putting on parties all by themselves.

You don't want that, do you? Surely?

KatieDD - your posts are always odd and / or provocative, but this one deserves a special prize for epic confusion and lack of logic.

What exactly is it in your life that's making you so unhappy / self-centred / irrational? Not a joint party for three little girls, that's for sure. Your poor kids!

This all seems to be about YOU and your DD.
You have said repeatedly that you go to lots of trouble to hold 'lovely' parties for your children , but will now 'rethink how much I consider others' when planning your next party. Well, how about just considering your DD!
I am holding a joint party with two others soon. This is because they have alot of joint friends, we can share the cost, none of us have houses big enough for parties and most parents would prefer one party to three.
When planning it, we have thought about what our children would like - the other children have been invited, and can choose whether to come or not.
I would hate to think that one of the parents would be sat at home tallying up the cost etc, and basing 'value for money' or her childs party quota on whether they would attend.
so UABveryU (and particularly selfish)

I did a joint party and we sat down and split the class into a number of children per birthday child so that no-one felt compelled to buy presents for each child unless they chose to. In the end there were so many presents around, no-one was offended at who had brought what for whom.

Hmmm I am not convinced the OP isn't a troll tbh.

For starters I can't see how the feeder nursery would give out/pass on details of their children.

Secondly- if the party was in April- what was the bloody point of getting all the children together 5 months before they all start school?

I'm with you Shiny. Very .

I don't think it is a troll, I think she has posted before on the subject. The problem seems to be that her DD1 started school, or nursery, with a group of parents who did whole class parties and so did she. Now younger DDs are at school, or nursery with parents who don't do whole class parties. She thinks that her DDs should be treated the same and they will notice that DD1 had more parties. Added to that she will be the first to do a whole class party and it simply isn't fair if they don't return the favour!
I don't think they will even notice, if they do- tough. I can't see the point of treating them all fairly, all the time when you will set up the expectation that all entertaining will be fair when people can't keep it up. People get disappointed, they learn to deal with it.

I think people are ganging up a bit against OP and just following the crowd with posts..some of OPs ideas are a bit unusual but I can see where she is coming from I think.

Are all you people arguing with OP in OPs daughter's class?!!

I don't think it's unreasonable for parents to organise joint parties for small children, particularly when all the invitees would be the same. It may not be the way you do things, KDD, but it's up to them. I'm sure your dd will have a wonderful time, regardless. You can sort out a birthday party for your dd that suits you.
I think it would be VU to turn up with just a card for each child - they aren't responsible for your distress.
Let it go. You are winding yourself up and nobody needs to be inflicting this kind of stress on themselves at this time of year!

My poor kids - oh fuck off, i ovbiously need a to turn my computer off for a while.

roffle @ zen

Katie Katie, listen to yeahbut:

"Let it go. You are winding yourself up and nobody needs to be inflicting this kind of stress on themselves at this time of year!"

This is a stressful time of year, we are all at snapping point

Have a cup of tea

Enough has been said already about certain aspects of the OP and I think Katie has taken them on board.

I can understand about wanting your second or third child to have whatever your first child had but that is never going to happen. Everybody gets their own life, not their siblings' life. Your younger child has different friends who may do different things- you can't force them to become the people your eldest child was friends with.

And what if something nice happens to your youngest- will you try to stop it because your eldest never had the chance?

Chances are, lovely things will happen to your youngest; they'll just be different lovely things. But if you set her up to compare what she gets to what other people get, then she won't be able to enjoy them; she will always be worrying in case she is not getting what she should or in case she is not as popular as her siblings.

A mother's job is to teach the child to enjoy the good things that happen to them, not to yearn for somebody else's good things.

katiedd, your dh has lost his job . The party invites are not happening for your dd this year. Then your dd gets a joint BD party that you sneer at whilst planning an all-singing all-dancing one for your dd's birthday.

I think you are seriously in denial about the times we are in.

cory: "A mother's job is to teach the child to enjoy the good things that happen to them, not to yearn for somebody else's good things."

I just had to say that is such a true statement. It is the formula for happiness.

OP you are clearly a nutjob to get worked up about something like this.

Blueshoes, i don't allow things to affect my children that aren't their fault/problem, it's business as usual here.
And I know these people, you don't so with respect you'll have to take my word that's it's lack of effort not funds in this case.

am not reading zen's posts again

they make small bits of wee come out

well, blueshoes, since one of my children is physically disabled and struggles with constant pain and the other struggles academically, I have had to come to terms with this one

however much I want to, I cannot give dd ds's life or ds dd's life

but I can show them the good things in their own lives

3 for 2 gifts at boots. Even better wait until after Christmas and buy them half price.

I think its nice that they are sharing their birthday. Its better than having 3 separate ones and children being torn as to which one to go to, its not their fault.

My antental group means we have 14 birthdays in January ... !

just seen Katie's reply to blue

I understand- but if this is not affecting your child (as you say it won't)- why allow it to make you unhappy?

Cory, that's hardly comparable with my children is ?
Awful as it much be for her, I have three who rightly or wrongly do check out each others lot in life and compare and constrast.

Annoyed is not the same as unhappy, my fatal mistake was posting it on here.

I say this with no previous experience of childrens birthdays! DD will be 1 in Jan, eeekkk.

KatieDD on Thu 18-Dec-08 09:37:07
"Cory, that's hardly comparable with my children is ?
Awful as it much be for her, I have three who rightly or wrongly do check out each others lot in life and compare and constrast."

Well, the way I see it, it is your job to teach them not to do it. As far as I am concerned, checking each other out and grudging each other things is as unattractive a piece of behaviour as biting your nails- and my job as a mother is to clamp down on unattractive behaviour.

(you don't want them to grow up into the sort of people who whinge on online forums about other people's high salaries, do you now? )

The whole thing may be slightly exacerbated in the case of my dd, but honestly even in her situation, grudging other people their enjoyment is not going to make her into an attractive person, so I try to save her from that as much as I can (though we obviously all have our off-days).

My point was, that her bad fortune is balanced by good fortune in other areas. She is extremely bright (unlike ds). So she has plenty of areas where she can get her enjoyment.

I was far less popular than my brothers as a child and consequently got fewer playdates. But my parents never made me feel bad about it; they helped me to enjoy the other things I did have. If they had worried about it, I bet I would have known and it would have made me feel inadequate.