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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a party for 3 children is a step too far ?

400 replies

KatieDD · 17/12/2008 20:07

Am a bit peeved because my DD aged 4 is in a nice little group with three other girls and has today received an invite from all three to a joint party for all three of them.

Am seriously considering sending just a card.

OP posts:
alfiemama · 18/12/2008 09:48

"I have three who rightly or wrongly do check out each others lot in life and compare and constrast"

But your supposed to teach them that they shouldnt do this, to be grateful for what they have as others less fortunate dont have the same. Perhaps to tell them that some children this xmas dont have a home, let alone, presents or parties.

You said its your fatal mistake posting on here, I think its shameful.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 18/12/2008 09:49

"I have three who rightly or wrongly do check out each others lot in life and compare and constrast."

Well sod the parties I'd be way more concerned about that. I have 3, and of course they compare and contrast. I certainly don't pander to it though.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 09:49

ooh crossed post with cory. But Im sure we are not the only ones that thought this

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 09:50

Perhaps the ghost of christmas past needs to pay you a visit

Lockets · 18/12/2008 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Penthesileia · 18/12/2008 09:53

Ok, I've read (most of) this thread, and must admit to be baffled. Why is it such a bad thing to have 3 b-days in one? I can just about understand that you're worried your DD might be disappointed not to go to 3 separate parties; but to be so angry about it, seems a little much. And, yes, I think YABU to think of only sending a card: after all, it's probably not the b-day girls' "fault" exactly, that their mums decided to do this.

But what if they have a really extravagant party - would that make it better? They'd get more bang for their buck, I'd bet.

Penthesileia · 18/12/2008 09:54

Sigh - admit to being baffled.

blueshoes · 18/12/2008 09:54

katieDD: "Awful as it much be for her, I have three who rightly or wrongly do check out each others lot in life and compare and constrast."

What an insensitive and dismissive reply about Cory's dcs. I feel a bit sorry for your dcs. I think YOU compare and contrast a lot and are getting worked up as a result - I cannot imagine being resentful that people are 'getting off lightly' in terms of effort put into their dcs' birthday parties.

I fear your dcs might have learnt that trait from you.

Original poster
KatieDD · 18/12/2008 09:55

Ladies, I have a job interview this afternoon, don't waste your breath replying, really I am not interested.

OP posts:
Penthesileia · 18/12/2008 09:56

Good luck in your job interview, KatieDD!

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 09:57

Sorry, I have read and followed the entire thread, but its got soooo long now, I cant remember.

Did you go to parties when you where little? If so what where they like, what do you remember?

Also have you asked your dd what she would like to do.

Just seems very you you you at the mo

morningpaper · 18/12/2008 09:57

Good luck Katie

willow · 18/12/2008 09:57

Erm, well, I'm guilty of doing joint parties. In my defence, DS' best friend is a day younger, there's no way I can fit 15 boys in my house and it meant the kids got a longer party somewhere fun like adventure play/bowling/laser quest etc that wouldn't have been on the cards had we not shared the cost. (And the cost was easily double that of having kids round for mayhem and pass the parcel.)

Did I or they mind if people spent a bit less on presents? I can't honestly remember if anyone did spend less, but it wouldn't have mattered. Firstly because the point of a party is the PARTY, Secondly because, at that age (and we're talking 5 - 7) I think kids are far more focused on quantity than quality. That said, sometimes myself and one or two other mums buy joint presents for kids; we each spend the same as usual but it means the recipient gets something a bit more interesting.

Penthesileia · 18/12/2008 09:57

Sorry we're so uninteresting...

cory · 18/12/2008 09:58

Not to worry, blue. I did not post for sympathy. Merely to point out that I think a parent's job is to help their child to become as loveable as possible and as happy as possible (the two tend to go together IME).

Young children tend to be terribly serious about their emotions. Grown-ups have a vital task to perform in teaching them to let things go and so providing some balance. But we need to practise it ourselves first!

cory · 18/12/2008 10:00

Ah, I find I have wasted my breath. I wonder where the point is in posting in AIBU on a topic you are not interested in.

And it's funny that the posts that elicited this reply were not the very fortright ones calling the OP a troll or suggesting that she is mad, but the ones which tried to provide a more balanced approach.

rolandbrowning · 18/12/2008 10:01

When I was a lass, a box of maltesers was seen as being rather an extravagant present.

Lockets · 18/12/2008 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 18/12/2008 10:07

I think the whole point in posting on AIBU is for everyone to agree-unfortunately the opposite happens! Anyway-good luck with the interview.

alfiemama · 18/12/2008 10:12

For someone who is not interested, you scream of someone who desperately wants attention, why else tell us about your job interview and start this very ludicrous posting.

You want to be the centre of attention by throwing the most lavish of parties and making others who cant do that, or have more values to do that, feel bad.

This is absolutely nothing to do with your children or their children, its just about you.

Oh by the way, good luck with your interview, why have I put that, because I could not stoop to your level, or wish to.

taliac · 18/12/2008 10:17

Joint parties = better for everyone surely!

Less parties to go to = bonus for tired parents of guests.

Less to organise = bonus for tired parents of birthday children

Opportunity to take advantage of 3 for 2 offers on children's books for the presents = bonus for all concerned!

hippipotami · 18/12/2008 10:21

This has got to be the weirdest thread ever!
Katie, you are seriously in danger of losing the plot!

Have read the whole thread and all I can see is poor poor me, I made the effort but no-one else is....

Good luck with your job interview - you need something to take your mind off the parties!

Tabithacat · 18/12/2008 10:26

I can see where Katie is coming from - I have 3 DDs, two of which are 14 months apart and at primary school a lot of their friends overlapped. It was heartbreaking (for me) when 1 got invited to a party that the other didn't but unfortunately you cannot make life equal all the time.

Yes the one who was left out was upset but you have to show them how to deal with it. It doesn't get any better as they get older but the way they cope with it will.

hippipotami · 18/12/2008 10:41

But Tabitha, Katie's dd is not being left out. There are simply less parties happening. Fact.

piscesmoon · 18/12/2008 10:46

I think the fact that she is buying 3 presents and getting only one party comes into it as well!