Do you write thank you letters after childrens birthday parties? SURELY it's massive overkill / completely over the top gratitude when you've spent ££££ on a party etc?

[PopBitch]

Dd had a party at the weekend and invited the whole class. She was 5 and had a bouncy castle and face painter, it was a fab party.

She was given presents by the guests and we took them home to open later (as otherwise we'd have spent hours opening them at the party).

My questions are:

• Do I HAVE to write thank you notes?
• Do you?
• And if so, do I HAVE to personalise them?
• And What Is The Point?

My feeling is that this is complete overkill since:

a) we provided a party, they provided a gift, that's the deal, everyone's happy, surely?

b) the children giving the gift probably didn't know what was in it in most cases (I alays buy presents for my children to take to parties so it's not as if any special effort has gone into it)

c) In which case, it's the PARENTS writing to the other parents isn't it?

d) it's a waste of trees and time and effort

e) we said thank you at the time, when we were given the gift. They said thank you for having me at the end of the party, all done and dusted, surely?

So, AIBU to NOT indulge in this competitive thanking? I am very interested to know what the mn consensus is on this!

Come on, do you all insist your child writes to thank the host for their party?

What is wrong with communicating face to face? DC 1 gives present to DC 2, DC 2 says 'Thank you DC1' and at the end of the party DC1 seeks out parent of DC2 and says 'thank you for the lovely party'. Everyone has been polite and it is immediate and personal-the way it was done before computers!
Instead of that the present is whisked away, DC1 never gets the pleasure of seeing it opened, DC2 probably hasn't a clue who it was from but Mother stands by with note pad so it doesn't matter. Mother then either writes lovely little personal notes on DC's behalf or writes something on the computer and gets DC to sign it. Letter is then given to DC1, who probably can't read it or doesn't read it-DC2 can't remember what he gave anyway. DC 1 hands it to his mother who glances at it and throws it in the bin, she types out a little thank you for the party note for DC1 who reverses the process.
I don't think this is progress-it is madness!!
I much prefer method one.

I, as an adult, write thank you notes to friends who give me presents.

I too will expect dd to write them when she can. At 3 she could scribble her name at the bottom of a note (she has a v. easy name !) and did so on all her thank you notes.

I do make a special effort to say thank you for the party after the event. I don't write a thank you note from dd but would send a text if I had the number of make a point of saying thank you at nursery afterwards.

Agree Piscesmoon

Thisisyesterday -I wrote hand written thankyou letters from the age of 5, as did my DCs but I didn't write 30 on top of normal ones!! It is hard work getting a dyslexic DS to write to Grandma etc-sheer cruelty to ask him to do 30!(when he could actually speak to them).

Agree picesmoon

I so agree with Piscesmoon. MY ds gets quite upset if the present he helped choose and wrap is not opened at the party, and often begs for it to be opened, as he wants to see the reaction of the recipient. I would infinitely rather have that happen than receive a note either written by the mum or by a child in thank you letter bootcamp. It would mean more to me.
I think it is warmer and more personal.

If you say thank you at the time, I don't think a letter is necessary.

well if he is dyslexic then you could writ ethem for him and he could add his name,.

jsut as thomcat writes her dd's because she can't do them herself.

I invited teh whole class, and did wriet thank you notes (and go DS to eitehr sign them, or do a little drawing).

I don´t really care what other parents do, and I would not be offended if we gave a present, and they would not give us a thank you note.

I did it because:

a.) I felt people had made an effort choosing something nice, and adding a nice card. I was actually quite touched.

b.) I wanted my DS to learn some manners. I said that if he was willing to accept a gift, he should spend 10 seconds writing his name, or "thank you". We did simple cards, and I asked his teacher to put them in the kiddies´bags.

I am glad that I have some agreement! If I give a present I want to see the person open it, a DC is no different. They have usually put a lot of effort into choosing it and then it is whisked away like a production line and instead of any joy there is a letter written by the parent or on the computer.

Oh bollocks to it then, I'll start buying crap presents for people as the most mothers don't seem to give a stuff about what was bought and who bought it. Why do I go to so much effort? I'll wrap up any old piece of tut, take all 3 kids along, eat their sausage rolls, fill my kids up on cocktail sausages and quavers, let my kids bounce on their castles, take their crappy party bag full of sugary sweets and go home, safe in the knowledge that no-one will ever know I wrapped up a pair of DP's old socks as a gift, or worse still a Bratz doll!

so your DS prefers to see his friend open the present and stick it straight on a pile of other presents in haste so they can open the next one? Or even worse see the next present opened and the child actually wanting to get it out and play with it as they (as children often do) prefer it to the one your DS gave...........

DS2 got some lovely presents the other day, but god his friends and their parents would have been motified at his reaction I'm sure. Some were opened and he wanted to rip the box open adn get them out straight away, others he couldn't wait to open the next present..........

And of course for that child whose parents couldn't afford/didn't buy a present watching all the other children get excited at their friend opening their presents must be horrible

I think the contemporary panic if a child opens a present in front of the giver in case it upsets the elaborate system of noting down each gift with the name of the giver for the forced writing of notes later, really rather cold and forced.
And it deprives the giver of seeing the GENUINE gratitude of the recipient. WHich to my children is much more important than a note. And I don't care at all if someone doesn't send me a note. They've invited my ds, which I am hugely grateful for, they 've given him tea and a party bag. It's enough. I don't want or expect more. I am in fact GRATEFUL to them!

As a seven year old he might be embarrassed to have his mother write it! Also what is the point, if his mother is doing it all?
As the mother of the DC giving the present I would far rather have the DC with the birthday saying thank you, a letter from his mother is a pointless waste of rainforests!!

Yup, my ds would like to see it opened. And I think if people are so keen on manners, maybe they ought to put their efforts into teaching their children that it is important to say thank you in person and look pleased with their gift, instead of all the emphasis being on parent to parent politesse via notes.

Thomcat, sorry, this thread wasn't meant to upset people, Dd and I were INCREDIBLY grateful for the effort people went to to buy lovely things and bring them, it was really kind.

But the presents I've sent along to parties have been lovely (if bought quickly) things and I don't expect a note afterwards, I DO expect the birthday child to say thank you at the time (as mine did and so did I)

I don't really like the whisking away of presents either but I guess it's the practical thing when there are 20+ children.

actually after I posted my last post I went into the kitchen and realised that one of the presents that DS2 received on Saturday is still sat in it's packaging on the worktop - completely forgotten/unwanted.............I'm very glad that his friend that gave that doesn't know it's still sat there and he's had no interest in it - come to think of it when he opened it on Saturday (took about 1/2hr to open about 6 presents) he was rather non-plussed about it then, preferring to get on to the next present......

Ohhhhhhhh it's all about saving the rainforests now, PMSL. Nothing to do with not being arsed, it's because you don't want trees to die. That's ok then!

Probably better not to have a party at all!!

I always buy nice things, but don't expect grovelling thanks for them.

mabanana - how the hell do you teach an excited 4/5yr old to "look pleased" - they either like it or they don't and you can't "teach" them to hide it at that age. Especially when there's another 5 children standing their waiting for him to open their presents - and not to mention get on with the party games!!! And that's at a small party (ie not many people invited)

No no, I admit that I can't be arsed, couldn't give a fuck about the rainforest!

No, no, I've learnt something here and will no longer spend so much time and effort chosing a gift for that particular child seeing as no-one will ever know what it is that I bought. Saved me loads of time, effort and money. I could even just give back the child the same tut they gave my child, wicked!

I teach my three year old to look pleased and say thank you in person! She also thanks her ballet teacher after a lesson. I think that is teaching her good manners. My writing a note to another parent that she cannot even read is not really teaching her anything IMO.
I think I'm going to start writing 'thank you for inviting me to your party' notes and see if that catches on and ratchets up the post-party guilt and misery