to feel uncomfortable being served by woman with tourettes that kept swearing at me?

[racmac]

I went to a well known high street store and was served by a lady who had tourettes. I have no problem with this or any of her ticks BUT she kept saying cunt and wanker - i dont use these words in front of my children so dont expect others to AIBU in expecting that she shouldnt be serving customers?

It was rather disconcerting to be told "thats £20.00 please, cunt, wanker"

Racmac

it doesn't make her job difficult though.

if people are offended by her disability that's their issue, not hers.

to say to someone that she must be hidden away in the store room because of her disability is undignified, disrespectful and unkind. it would be different if actual harm was being done, but no-one was ever hurt by hearing someone swear.

my vote is always for a little tolerance and kindness and understanding. good on M&S for showing those qualities in a very positive way.

shame on those who are so appalled by a few words (just words, not insults, not punches) that they are moved to demonstrate such a lack of respect.

Ooh what a difficult one!

I have taken my 9 year old son to see Man United, it was in the season ticket enclosure but nonetheless he heard the songs and the language.

I deal with it by saying you will hear that language, it is bad and if you use it infront of me or in school you WILL get in serious trouble.

He gets it. Hear it but don't repeat it.

We have not yet come across the situation of tourettes but when we do I will explain it along the lines of sneezing and hope that does the job.

Actually, this makes me think about another thread about censoring language in plays. It is not actually possible to censor. And it is just not appropriate either.

You have to accept it is a matter of fact and deal with it as such. Uncomfortable as it is.

"I'm also surprised at the very relaxed attitude towards swearing in front of children. Shocking."
Did you purse your lips and clench your bumcheeks when you wrote this?

No-one has said it's ok to swear in front of children they have said that in this situation it would be better to explain to children what is going on than shut away this women who is quite capable of doing this job without harm. There is no intention behind these words they are just, in this situation, words.

Oh I absolutely agree. I think dispelling myths and ignorance is the way to go so that young children learn to accept everyone for who they are.

A couple of months ago we were stood in a queue behind a woman in a wheelchair. Both DS and DD1 were curious especially as lady was clearly a double amputee. They asked questions and I answered to the best of my ability without being offensive to the woman. She actually turned around and thanked me for answering them straight away and so directly saying that somany parents just brush it away and distract their kids when they ask.

All I am saying is that disability or no disability some people are just not suited to customer services.

what if one of your kids developed tourettes and others at pre-school or playgroup were intoelrant? Would you hide your child from the world or expect other parents to be more tolerant and elss precious?
I've had parents object to dd being near their children ffs. One stupid arse said cos dd doesn't wear shoes her dd might refuse to put any on and that was a good enough reason that dd shouldn't be in the school.

Good old Marks & Sparks !!!

Why shouldnt we educate our children about other people disabilitys ?

Why are people finding it so hard to draw a distinction here?
Person without Tourettes swears in front of young children = wrong and inappropriate

Person with Tourettes swears in front of young children = initially shocking, but an opportunity to educate ones children about this condition and the fact that thankfully we live in a society where the law deems it illegal to discriminate against people who have a disability.

She can sell the clothes/put change in the till so she can do the job in my opinion.

Also I would like to state very clearly that my 3 yr old would understand this just as she understands her brother's disability makes him do inappropriate things.

If my beautiful boy gets 'put in the stock room' because he still makes inappropriate comments when he's older his employers will have me and hopefully the law to answer to.

But that is just ridicullous, NMC.

Actually, this thread and Cuddly's sneezing analogy has actually changed my mind. So there, MN first,probably.

Not that I was ever in favour of disabled people in any way being shut away or segregated. Just that some jobs are suited to some people regardless of their (dis)abilities.

While I have every sympathy for the poor woman, it is not sensible/appropriate to have her in a job dealing with the public in this way. She is unable to do the job (part of which is interacting with the public) through no fault of her own, but you only take on people who CAN do the job.

If I said "I have this condition that makes me spit on the food. Is it okay if I serve in the cake shop" what would you say?

If I have an uncontrollable urge to push people into the pool can I be a lifeguard?

Why doesn't anyone care that it isn't true?

Our postman has Tourettes and when we first moved in I was extremely alarmed (not to say a little bit scared!) to hear someone shouting 'wanker' outside my front door in the morning! We've got used to it now and my 3 year old recognises that the post is arriving by the postman's 'calling card' up the street.

I've spoken to him a few times and it does take some getting used to, having a conversation which includes 'cunt' or 'wanker' every few words. Not sure how I'd react if this happened in a shop - it can be quite shocking at the moment in time.

YANBU

the woman is able to do her job. I'm assuming that she can deal with customers refunds and complaints and questions?

that doesn't follow onager.

the woman can do her job. some people may be offended with her swearing. that should make no difference. that is a problem with the customer not the member of staff.

perhaps if more people like this lady were out and about doing everyday face the public roles then you lot would all be less shocked and outraged.

she could be sat at home, hiding away, claiming incapacity benefit or whatever..but she isn't, she's out there getting on with it.

ok once again, unlike pushing people into the pool or a blind crossing guard this lady doesn't actually harm herself or others whilst doing her job. Unless part of her tourettes means she finds it impossible to give refunds she can do the job.

hullygully

True or not it doesnt really matter IMO!! its people attitude to this situation thats ridicullous.

I think that this thread has touched a nerve with many netters whose children have a disability its no good me saying what all the other posters have said about suitability of work in relation to the disability but when your child was diagnosed did you not inwardly reason with yourself well he cant do such and such a thing but hey he can do this? did you not look at what his capabilities were likely to be?

When Im shopping I dont swear and curse at the cashier and I wouldnt expect it back by all means employ disabled people I wholeheartedly embrace acceptance but surely this is an extreme??

would you really want your child as an adult to be employed in a position where every day he is 'different'?? lots of disabled people work in very high powered jobs but these jobs are suited to their disability.

Not only are m&s being unfair to the lady but also to customers.

luckylady and everyone else Im certainly not suggesting the stock rooms.

But Tourettes is not like pushing people in a swimming pool, or spitting on cakes, or a blind person being a lollipop patrol person.

It's more analogous to a black person not being allowed to serve if white customers were offended by that. The sort of thing which used to happen in many countries. The person is utterly capable of doing the job, it's the customer's prejudice which is the problem.

I used to work with a man with Tourettes. it was disconcerting til you understood why he was like that. He lectured in psychology. Students sometimes complained but it was seen as their problem not his.

By needmorecoffee on Sun 30-Nov-08 19:58:25
the woman is able to do her job. I'm assuming that she can deal with customers refunds and complaints and questions?

She can call them wankers to their faces legitimately! How refreshing must that be!

It's really hard.

There is a young man with DS who regularly takes the same bus as my DD and me. He, unfortunately, is prone to masturbating on the bus. I don't want DD to see this. But she does, and it frightens her.

There is nothing I can do short of getting off the bus and waiting for the next one.

And in those countries with institutionalised racism, people used to argue that black people would be happier, more at home, more comfortable back in the stockroom (or wherever) - where they wouldn't feel "different".

Fennel, it is NOT the same as a black person offending somone by their color. The words themselves are not being given a bad meaning by prejudice, but already HAVE a bad meaning.

Maybe this is the firms way of stopping people asking for refunds.

My son won't every work- which as he grows I'm actually happier with. Don't have to worry about him being accepted somewhere (especially as places like Remploy have shut).

Fennel doesn't have a child with a disability. Agree with her completely.

Still think that there is no choice - because of the DDA. Just like sexual equality and race equality legislation means you might be served by a black woman rather than a white man.

Here- the DDA

Interesting how many mumsnetters would be happy to flout it. Heavy heavy penalties now under the DDA.

Agree that this is not the same thing as racism.

The issue is about what is and is not socially acceptable behaviour, and the additional tolerance for less than acceptable behaviour that society is prepared to allow its members who have SN.

Actually cunt can mean several things depending on the context, as the lady is not trying to be insulting I am guessing that context means she is basically shouting vagina and man who mastubates neither of those things are bad.