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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable being served by woman with tourettes that kept swearing at me?

633 replies

racmac · 30/11/2008 17:30

I went to a well known high street store and was served by a lady who had tourettes. I have no problem with this or any of her ticks BUT she kept saying cunt and wanker - i dont use these words in front of my children so dont expect others to AIBU in expecting that she shouldnt be serving customers?

It was rather disconcerting to be told "thats £20.00 please, cunt, wanker"

Racmac

OP posts:
2manychips · 30/11/2008 19:12

YANBU
Well said CatchaStar

chunkychips · 30/11/2008 19:12

I wonder if the woman feels comfortable working in that kind of environment where people are constantly shocked at her swearing? whether you know people with tourettes, have an opinion on whether she should be in that job or whatever you will still look up in disbelief if someone is shouting cunt in your face and that must have an effect on her after a while.

Libra1975 · 30/11/2008 19:13

Hmm when I first read the OP I thought she was right but the more I thought about it the more I think the OP is being unreasonable, yes the words the lady is using aren't pleasent but she is not hurting anyone and she is able to serve customers without hurting them or herself (which many of the examples such as blind crossing guard could not do). Your childen WILL hear these words said by other people and at least in this context you get a chance to explain that these words are not for daily use.
So OP YABU that lady has every right to have that job.

moston · 30/11/2008 19:16

I don't think she does actually

not with uncontrollable verbal tics like cunt or wanker in front of young children

does she have the right to be a primary school teacher too?

Libra1975 · 30/11/2008 19:16

Also if you think about it the words themselves cunt and wanker are not horrible, it's the way they are used usually i.e as an insult or derogatory. Here that intention is not there so really she is just shouting vagina and mastubation.

Libra1975 · 30/11/2008 19:18

My fingers are obviously so delicate they can't even bring themselves to spell mastabation correctly.

needmorecoffee · 30/11/2008 19:19

I'm seeing people's attitudes as the barrier to this woman here. Not her impairment.
As usual.

ruddynorah · 30/11/2008 19:19

yes, plenty of people complain. for example i have two ladies who are hearing impaired. they lip read. several customers have assumed them to be thick and incapable of doing their job.

moston · 30/11/2008 19:20

cunt

needmorecoffee · 30/11/2008 19:23

where does one draw the line to keep the non-disabled happy? I've heard poeple complain about every disability I can think of when they have encountered disabled poeple working.

myredcardigan · 30/11/2008 19:23

Holding the view that the woman was not suited to this particular job is not discriminating against her.

IMO, discriminating against a disabled person is when society assumes they are not capable of anything or treats them as somehow lesser people. When we only see their disabilities as oppose to their abilities.

It's about treating people with respect and dignity not ignoring that they have a disability. It's about ensuring we adapt premises and job specs where possible in order that those suitable for a particular job are able to carry it out to the best of their ability.

A customer service role requires tact and diplomacy. I couldn't do it because I'm an impatient, mouthy so and so. This lady cannot do it because she has a disability which prevents her from displaying the required skills. It's not about shutting her away. Personally, I would more than happily deal with in most day to day situations (I'd have no reason to assume her intellect was any less than mine)

However, I wouldn't want my children to be exposed to the swearing. Of course they're going to hear it sometime, but I would like to avoid it as much as possible and that does not mean I think any less of this woman.

Part of showing respect for those who are disabled is acknowledging that they have a disability and therefore that there will often be aspects of life which will either be difficult, impossible or inappropriate. The key to equal opportunities is ensuring that we make that list as small as we possibly can and not assuming that DISabled means NOT able.

chunkychips · 30/11/2008 19:24

hilarious, our children have to get used to hearing people swearing and that's okay. in fact let's all do it, let's swear at everyone constantly so they get used to it and then off to the shops! It beggars belief.

Fennel · 30/11/2008 19:25

I would 100 times rather my children were served by this woman with Tourettes than that she was hidden away and they never came across people like her. They have heard swearing before, it isn't such a problem (DP burnt his had and swore rather vehemently just this evening). Hiding people with disabilities is much more of a problem.

ruddynorah · 30/11/2008 19:29

exactly fennel. why hide her away from the public. she is a member of society, she shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of herself. so she swears or has tics or whatever. so your kids may ask questions. so what? they'd ask questions of a man with one arm or a woman with no legs probably.

Libra1975 · 30/11/2008 19:29

The lady obviously doesn't find the role either difficult or impossible and inappropriate is a matter of opinion as you can see half the thread don't see a problem with the lady being in customer services. Also just because she swears doesn't mean she is incapable of tact and diplomacy!

Moston I am musing on the primary school teacher thing but to be honest i have to say as long as tourettes is explained to the children and that swearing by themselves won't be tolerated I don't really think there is a problem.

needmorecoffee · 30/11/2008 19:30

what Fennel said. I would actively seek this woman out so dd 4 can see that impairment is not a barrier to employment.
dd will talk with a machine. Maybe she will be in customer services too and ND's will have to be patient.
There's a lady who sits on a council commitee who is deafblind and communicates with deafblind manual. People have to wait to listen and too right they should because what she has to offer is fanatstic.
ND's will have to make reqasoanble adjustemnts.

myredcardigan · 30/11/2008 19:33

Libra, IMHO, you could not explain to 3yr olds that this was a condition that their teacher had no control over and that these words were not to be used in their daily language. Should she be a nursery teacher? Nursery children look up to, and regularly copy the mannerisms of their teacher. And how do thet distinguish which words are ok to pick up and learn and which are not? They are still at the age of language aquisition.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 30/11/2008 19:34

Agree with Fennel.

Anyway they have no choice. To prevent her working in her role because of her disability would presumably contravene the DDA.

Get used to it, you're going to see more people with disabilities around. Won't life be more interesting?

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 30/11/2008 19:37

myredcardigan - ds2 and ds3 have grown up in the company of an older brother with severe autism and tourettes (he can't talk, so (like the vast majority of people with TS) doesn't swear). They have had no problem at all distinguishing 'autistic behaviour' from 'normal'.

The have never tried to sniff someone's arse for example although their brother has a lot.

Young children very easily work out what is socially acceptable, even when surrounded/brought up with someone who rarely is.

ib · 30/11/2008 19:37

Totally agree with fennel, are we going to hide all people with disabilities which make them do things we don't want our children to do?

Lock away all ASD children who throw tantrums in public, for a start.

Bloody bonkers and positively dangerous.

myredcardigan · 30/11/2008 19:38

NMC, it's about this particular job, not achievement in general. Had she been managing the store, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Likewise, if person with tourettes wanted to teach, I would consider them better suited to seconary school,FE or higher ed. It is nothing to do with being shut away from society just about acknowledging that their disability will make some jobs difficult.

yama · 30/11/2008 19:39

It wouldn't bother me.

Fennel · 30/11/2008 19:39

My children were capable of understanding that sort of distinction at 3. They have also been very capable of understanding about a variety of special needs and disabilities, and why some children they know have difficulties behaving, for instance (autism, asperger's, ADHD friends and children of friends). Dd1's best friend at school has a severe disability, she'd have been shut away in an institution in the past, but all my children have benefitted hugely from knowing her. It's mind-expanding, learning to understand how other people are different.

Even for a 3yo.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 30/11/2008 19:40

They'll get much less response to the tourettes in primary school than secondary. Judging by the response to my son, teenagers are the worst for gawping open mouthed at him (actually they probably draw with father's of young children).

Young children just accept disability. And often ask lots of questions because they're curious.

CatchaStar · 30/11/2008 19:41

I do not think it appropriate to 'hide' this woman at all, it would be awful for an employer to do that. I don't agree with that at all, it's wrong.

I just think that there are more suitable jobs out there for a person with this specific condition. I'm sorry but if this was a post about a woman with tourettes using these words in front of children, but she was their primary school teacher, I'm sure there would be absolute uproar.

I'm also surprised at the very relaxed attitude towards swearing in front of children. Shocking.

This is not a thread trying to label this woman as unsuitable to work. Far from it.