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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable being served by woman with tourettes that kept swearing at me?

633 replies

racmac · 30/11/2008 17:30

I went to a well known high street store and was served by a lady who had tourettes. I have no problem with this or any of her ticks BUT she kept saying cunt and wanker - i dont use these words in front of my children so dont expect others to AIBU in expecting that she shouldnt be serving customers?

It was rather disconcerting to be told "thats £20.00 please, cunt, wanker"

Racmac

OP posts:
StudentMadwife · 30/11/2008 21:35

YANBU. she should not be dealing with customers, there are plenty of other jobs within a shop that she could be doing.

harpsichordcarrier · 30/11/2008 21:37

Catchastar - I am not sure I understand this idea that by preventing this woman from working in this role, we are therefore "protecting" your child from the appalling danger of hearing the word wanker.
your child might hear it in the queue waiting to be served, but what about when the lady is travelling on the bus? buying a coffee? walking in the street? how then is your method of parenting to be protected?

exactly what are you proposing for this woman, in order to adequately protect your child?

findtheriver · 30/11/2008 21:38

givemesleep - very thoughtful and sensible post

twocutedarlings · 30/11/2008 21:38

AuntieMaggie

I also don't think that my 3 year old niece would understand when it was explained to her in this situation. She picks up everything at the moment and I would hate it if she went to nursery and repeated this behaviour.

I think you will find that most children of around that age are quite often far better at accepting other peoples differances than most give them credit for tbh, well in my experiance any way.

IMO kids need to be educated from this age that people are differant.....simple as!! its no biggy, just another thing to educate of DCs on!

luckylady74 · 30/11/2008 21:40

But CatchAStar - 'the way you have chosen to parent' implicitly teaches your child that it's ok to exclude/stay away from children who have disabilities that make you uncomfortable - is that really ok with you?
I'm not saying put your child in front of someone who throws chairs at them - that would be physically endangering them and silly, I'm saying educate them about disability and try and realsise that having a one thought reaction to swearing may not, in this case and others, be appropriate.

harpsichordcarrier · 30/11/2008 21:40

how much more damaging is it to a child to be exposed to intolerant behaviour towards another human being, than to hear another human being saying the word "wanker"?

quite a lot, I would say.
QUITE a lot.

it is your parenting choice that your child shoudl not hear swearing.
and yo9u think that your personal choice outweighs this woman's right to do a particular job?

that really is outrageous arrogance, imo.

Reallytired · 30/11/2008 21:41

It is discrimination to say that all people with with tourettes are the same. Only 10% of them actually have vocal tics. I am sure that some of the 90% with just physical tics could manage a job in customer service quite well.

Most people with tourettes would not consider themselves to be physically or mentally disabled. They work in all sorts of jobs.

I have no verbal ticks, but I do get tremors in my hands. Its involentary, and no one at work has complained yet. In fact at work I have been praised for the ablity to remain polite and calm whatever the provocation.

Personally I would hate to work in customer service, but I see no reason why I would be incapable of doing so. However I have no verbal tics.

I have to admit that I don't think someone with uncontrollable verbal tics should be in a public facing role. Just like you have to have perfect eyesight to be pilot, or being coloured blind excludes you from becoming an electrican or being short stops you from being a police officer. M & S could certainly employ this woman in other jobs I'm sure.

SparklyGothKat · 30/11/2008 21:45

as a parent of 2 disabled kids, one with CP and one with CP, ADHD, and learning disabilities, I can see both sides here. I hope that when DS1 and Dd1 get a job they will not be discrimated against because of their disabilities, but I also feel that, as someone who has worked in customer services, there is properably a better job for her. Not because she has Toutettes but because she could say cunt, wanker to the wrong person and get a punch in the face. I am happy she has a job and M&S are employing people with disablities though (remembers that for when Ds1 needs a saturday job)

CatchaStar · 30/11/2008 21:46

'the way you have chosen to parent' implicitly teaches your child that it's ok to exclude/stay away from children who have disabilities that make you uncomfortable - is that really ok with you?

You're twisting my words. When have I ever said that I wanted to keep my child away from others with a disability? When? I said I thought it inappropriate for a woman with this kind of tourettes to serve people with small children in M&S, when words such as 'cunt' and 'wanker' are being used. That's all. Please don't twist my words like that. I have never said I would keep my child from being with anyone with a disability.

CatchaStar · 30/11/2008 21:48

Leaving now, I'm wound up.

Quite happy to sit and debate things but will not have things I type twisted like that.

wannaBe · 30/11/2008 21:49

but your precious small children will spend what, about 5 minutes max under the influence of this woman and you think that that is going to have a massive influence on them? Whereas they're going to send the next 13 years of their lives in a school playground where believe me, cunt and wanker will be the least of your worries.

mabanana · 30/11/2008 21:50

There are quite a few of us here with children with disabilities, including disabilities which cause tics, who think this woman is not well suited or qualified for this job.

findtheriver · 30/11/2008 21:52

CatchaStar - I wouldn't worry about it - people only twist your words when they haven't got a decent counter argument.

ruddynorah · 30/11/2008 21:52

and there are quite a few of us who don't have children with disabilities who think she is fine to do the job. what is your point?

Libra1975 · 30/11/2008 21:54

Catchastar please could you explain more about the negative impact on your child?

wannaBe · 30/11/2008 21:55

mabanana but ultimately it does come down to personal opinion, surely ?

her employers clearly think she is qualified to do her job. And in a company like m&s there are enough types of jobs that they could allocate her a different one if they considered her working on a till as not appropriate.

If she is happy working there, and her employers are happy for her to be working there, is it really anyone else's concern?

If people don't like it they're obviously free to take their business elsewhere, but in a company the size of m&s I hardly think it's likely that this woman's presence is going to have a huge impact on their income.

luckylady74 · 30/11/2008 21:55

Ok then CatchAstar - would it be inappropriate for her to strike up a conversation with you on the bus or in the park then? Or do you think she should perhaps travel by taxi and avoid public places where children are? I really don't think that's different to being served by her in a shop.
She cannot control her tics - they cause no danger to anyone, what is the issue with this?
Do not lie to yourself and think you're protecting your children. Jimjams children clearly see to the heart of people no matter what the external differences are -something to aspire to in the way we parent perhaps?

mabanana · 30/11/2008 21:56

My point is that it is unfair and absurd to accuse anyone who thinks this is not an appropriate job for someone with this very particular disability hating disabled people in general, which is happening on this thread.

trixiethepixie · 30/11/2008 21:56

Have only glanced through this thread but I must say I've found some of the comments on here ridiculous.

Of course many people who are physically disabled can't do certain jobs because of their disability (for instance my aunt who has severe ms can't do physical work) but this woman is not physically disabled. She swears. Big deal. And to even say that they should find her another job not with the public but out the back is shameful.

I used to be a manager for a big clothes chain and employed people. If this woman had the best qualifications and experience over everyone else, it is discrimation that you would employ someone less qualified over her simply because of her disability. Every application has to be kept and shown if challenged. I employed someone with grand-mal epilepsy but didn't 'keep her out the back' incase she had a seizure (which she did several times) and upset someone.

Sure we all don't want our kids to hear swear words but they will. They'll hear worse in primary school.

geordieminx · 30/11/2008 21:59

I parked in a disabled spot last week.

Some old biddy approached me and asked me why I had parked there...

I told her I was disabled,

She asked what disability I had,

I said "Tourettes... Now fuck off you old cunt"

Heated · 30/11/2008 21:59

Given M&S' customer base, she's more likely to be saying "wanker" and "cunt" to OAPs.

My great-aunt considers M&S the last bastion of the high street & I can imagine her being upset, offended & even frightened to be spoken to like that. She's probably think they were mocking her. I can also imagine some customers responding with anger.

That doesn't mean I don't think she should work there but I wonder how they manage it and if either the lady with tourettes or a colleague explains if anyone does react?

moston · 30/11/2008 22:02

I don't know you geordieminx but have to ask whether you are in fact disabled and have a blue badge?

wannaBe · 30/11/2008 22:03

but mabanana you can't discriminate. The woman isn't incapable of doing the job therefore if she is qualified to do so then am employer legally cannot say "I'm sorry, because your disability causes you to swear we cannot offer you this job."

Some people might think it's inappropriate but that's irelevant.

I wouldn't want to employ someone who was pregnant because in 6 months she would be going off on maternity leave and leaving me in the lurch, but legally I wouldn't be allowed to discriminate. It amounts to the same...

ruddynorah · 30/11/2008 22:04

i expect that as the woman has put herself up for the job she is quite a confident person and would be used to any such reaction and dealing with them accordingly.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 30/11/2008 22:05

I have had to talk to ds2 and ds3 about physical disabilities as their exposure to PD's is more limited (boy at school with CP, going into ds1's school where some children have PMLD etc), but growing up with a brother who has many tic behaviours means that they just don't even notice TS. It's not that they see past it, they just don't clock it.

Point being exposure is good for children. More the better.

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