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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want an August baby?

360 replies

DodgyApostrophe · 19/11/2008 20:49

I'm not ttc this month.

I don't want a baby in August as I feel they are definitely at a disadvantage throughout school.

I do want a baby, desperately. Have been ttc for 2 years and have had 2 mc since ds1.

Is it really that bad to be born in August?

OP posts:
barbareebaa · 20/11/2008 13:58

my best mate (august birthday) has never achieved less than an 'A' in every exam she has ever taken (seriously!!) GCSES's, A - levels, First class degree, masters (in physics) and various other things. She is nearly a year younger than me and we went through school together.
I, on the other hand, did o.k.at school but basically couldn't be ar**d and think I totally underachieved - one A - level, never went to uni.

Anyhoo - guess what I'm trying to say is what Libra said - it's more to do with the childs motivation to learn and intelligence.

Just go for it A child at any time is a blessing and a gift!

EHM · 20/11/2008 14:11
Hmm
Hersetta · 20/11/2008 14:27

My daughter was born on August 31st - do I care? Not for one single second - I just appreciate that to me she is perfect in every way. Who the hell cares what date her birthday is.

Do you really want a baby or not??

SamJohnsMum · 20/11/2008 14:27

IMO (and IME as a teacher) it is the children whose parents make no effort and expect teachers to do everything for them who are disadvantaged more than those who were born later.

Some parents won't read with their children, help them write or discuss schoolwork with their children because that's "what teachers are there for". This can be seen at all levels of education. Those parents who take an active interest in their children's schoolwork, support the teachers and encourage their children to feel positive about school will usually have children who achieve the best they can. As you are already thinking about giving your child every advantage in life, I'm sure you don't need to worry.

2shoes · 20/11/2008 14:28

peachy
my db is a august baby and he has always used it to his advantage, even in his 40's he tells sob stories about having to stay at school an extra year.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 20/11/2008 14:32

SamJohnsMum - that's a pretty reassuring post. DS is not quite an August baby (last day of July tho!) and will be just 4 when he goes to school. However, DH & both read to him regularly, do interesting things - I hope when the time comes we'll back up what the school is doing.

The number of times I've had people 'oh that was bad planning...' re school yrs is incredible. Although I get the same comments about DC2... due on 21 Dec

2shoes · 20/11/2008 14:40

Hersetta
you sum up my feelings(although my dd is perfect)
planning a baby round the school year is just plain odd to me.
if you want to take sn out of it...
well ds is a feb baby and he still had a shitload of problems with his ears and bullying.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 20/11/2008 14:48

Actually I was a July baby and there were no August babies in my year so youngest anyway LOL. I was a late developer mind (bit more than a year- graduated on my 35th birthday oops! )

I have noticed that for extra help in schools- not just diagnosed SN but school action level, first intervention stuff- ythey do put the exact age on the forms and go off that, so a child of 4years one month would be very distinct from one of five years. I think that does indicate its all taken into cnsideration.

It depends on your school too. The batty mothers at our place have voted for more formal homework for reception and year one children! So I would hazard a guess later born kids would thrive better there but not all paces have the same insane crowd as us.

nickytwotimes · 20/11/2008 14:49

Fgs, I've never heard such nonsense about avoiding certain birth months.

fillybuster · 20/11/2008 14:54

sorry, done something I hate (normally) and not read all the posts (no time!) - but my ds was born 17th Aug and is 2nd youngest in his year (youngest is 31st aug !) - he's 3 in a class of 'rising 4s' pre-school and is absolutely fine. Actually, more than fine, if you take into account the fact that he stays all day, every day (9-3.30pm) out of choice (have full-time nanny at home with dd and keep on reminding him that he can go home at lunch). A lot of the older kids in his year still only stay half a day, or only stay all day 1 or 2 days a week - but as far as ds is concerned, the worst punishment in the world would be to miss 'school' . Anyway, he's socially very integrated, is invited out on playdates all the time and his 'best' friend is 11 months older.

Of course we may see more of an impact as he gets older but I think much depends on the child - I know I'm biased but his teachers also seem to think he's quite bright with v developed speech...I suspect he'd be bored stupid if he was the oldest in the year with no 'challenge', IYSWIM.

Anyway, is it really important enough to manage conception around? Well, maybe if you are capable of getting pregnant exactly when you want to, but otherwise, IMHO, definitely not.

fillybuster · 20/11/2008 14:57

oh, and FWIW, I was the December after the August in my school year (i.e. very young indeed) and my only challenge was being teased by my friends in our early teens. That has been more than made up for by being a full 12 months or more younger than them as we all enter our mid-thirties . Oh, and I got to take a gap year pre-uni and time post-uni without ever worrying about being too 'old' to start working.

princessx2 · 20/11/2008 14:59

I was born on 28 August so was virtually the youngest in the year and it never did me any harm. I did ok at school and have a good job and career, as do my two brothers who were also August babies. I thinks its all about what you do with the brains you have rather than being 'disadvantaged'
My dd has just been born this September on the 4th and so the pressure will be on her to be bright as she will be one of the oldest in the year - she mayjust be bright anyway!

flipflopper · 20/11/2008 15:54

Not read the thread, but doesnt sound like you want a baby that desperatly to me!

(BTW bet you fall pg this month- it always happens when you stop trying!)

loc · 20/11/2008 15:55

Move to Scotland where an August baby is mid year according to their intake schedule!

FuriousGeorge · 20/11/2008 16:22

Well,my 29th August dd1,who is 5,has just come home with a note in her reading book to say that she has gone up a level,is reading perfectly & needs to remember to change her books every day now instead of once a week.

I was born in October and no way was I as advanced as she is,neither was dh & neither of us are stupid people.

Milliways · 20/11/2008 18:03

DS is August and he has NO problems at school (now in Yr9 at Grammar schhol). Only problem is when to have his party as everyone on hols! Teachers make allowances in Yr1, bur DS would have been bored silly if he had to wait another year before starting school.

What happens if you wait & end up with a Christmas Day baby!

I didn't want a baby too near Christmas - went for Feb, but DD came early in mid Jan. DS was late!

Original poster
DodgyApostrophe · 20/11/2008 18:04

Wow. Thank you. I didn't expect such a response. Most of you have been very helpful thanks. I don't think some of you read the op. I do want a baby, have been ttc for 2 years.

I will take a break this month, more for my own sanity than anything, but the fact it coincides with a possible August baby is a bonus.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
chefswife · 21/11/2008 03:16

my DH and i were TTC our first for a while and last march realized that it would be hard on the child to be born around christmas time so we decided to stop having sex during that time. then we went to a friends birthday party, came home all randy and drunk, had sex and conceived! it was just once. and we are very happy that we did because we are going to have the best present ever.

you need to remember that it is only during school that we as people are clumped together in age groups. it will only disadvantage them if the adults around them make it that way.

ToThrottleablackbird · 21/11/2008 03:23

Sorry but if you were that bothered about having a baby you seriously would not give one ioata about months.

FWIW DD was born on the 15 August and she is very very bright and has always been forward for her age. I love her dearly and in my eyes she is 100% perfect.

earthpixie · 21/11/2008 07:54

As a teacher, I have to say that children born very late in the academic year do seem to struggle more than the others. It seems unfair in a way that they are measured against those in some cases 11 months older but there is no practical solution.

kayzisexpecting · 21/11/2008 08:13

I think an August baby would be great. DS1's birthday is in March, I am expecting DS2 in 3 weeks so if he is on time he'll be a December baby. So if we have a 3rd DC August would be great as it's almost in the middle of the 2.

If you had started an AIBU saying "AIBU to be a little fed up of ttc and taking a month off" no one would have said YABU.
There are so many people on MN and around the world who would give anything for a baby no matter what month they are born.

Original poster
DodgyApostrophe · 21/11/2008 08:17

Ok ok have had another rethink.

Put it this way. I shall leave it up to mother nature.

OP posts:
singsong · 21/11/2008 08:24

I have 2 August born dcs. Ds1 starts school in Jan and is definitely ready for it. My friend?s ds is only a couple of weeks younger but is a Sept b?day, she feels he is ready for school but he has to wait. I was one of the oldest in my school year and sometimes felt held back. Suppose you could argue it ether way that youngest/oldest are disadvantaged but personally I think it depends on the individual character (which obviously you can?t predict) and that what happens at home also influences school performance.
Maybe we should all aim to give birth right in the middle of the academic year

chocohead · 21/11/2008 08:47

I agree with most others, does it really matter ??? if we all read every study and based our decisions on this, we wouldn't do half the things we do !

Its not unreasonable though, its your decision but be warned my dd was due late September and arrived August so you may want to factor this in when TTC

mumoverseas · 21/11/2008 09:57

I don't think it matters too much educationally and depends on the child. My DS now aged 15 was born in July and was one of the youngest in his year. He sat GCSE French when aged 13 and obtained an A grade. At 14 he sat GCSE Law and also obtained an A grade. He has just sat GCSE Maths last week and will do the rest of his GCSE's next summer with the rest of his classmates, most of whom are older than him. I on the other hand, was born in December and am not nearly as clever as him!