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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think mums with the most family help are the ones who moan the most about how hard life is?

137 replies

asif · 17/11/2008 18:55

most people just get on with life, I know some moan some don't

BUT I'm sick of listening to mums who have THEIR mums at their beck and call telling anyone who'll listen how hard life is for them

I want to scream TRY DOING IT WITHOUT YOUR MUM THERE THE WHOLE TIME LOVE

OP posts:
pramspotter · 17/11/2008 19:01

I totally agree. My nearest family is 3000 + miles away. We have 3 young children, one with special needs, don't know anyone where we live and both work. We manage really well. The stay at home mums with grandma and helpful inlaws nearby who take the kids for the weekend 3 times a month bitch about how hard it is to be a parent. We haven't had a night out in 4 years and don't care either. We have other priorities.

I agree with you. We'll get flamed but I thought I would post anyway.

2shoes · 17/11/2008 19:02

yanbu
my bil is like this(cos he has 3 boys) so he gets all the help going.
then there is us with 2 dc's, one who is severely disabled and cos we just get on with it we get bugger all help.

mrsmaidamess · 17/11/2008 19:03

Yes. My strange SIL is a case in point. I reckon they moan about how hard their life is to the family who help them too, in an effort to garner even more sympathy and MORE help. Its pathetic.

2shoes · 17/11/2008 19:03

sorry what is a night out?

TeenyTinyTorya · 17/11/2008 19:03

My mum lives 10 mins walk down the road from me. I see her most days, but I would never take her for granted, and she certainly isn't at my beck and call.

I think YABU - I don't complain about life, I know I'm lucky to have family nearby and there are much worse things to complain about.

dramaqueen · 17/11/2008 19:07

YES YES YES - yanbu
My sister lives 15 minutes away from my parents and they help her out all the time. Boy, how she moans. I live 200 miles away and have no family help. We manage fine because we work at it and are very organised. We are lucky that we have a group of friends in a similar position and we all help each other out.

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:09

good no ones answered so I'll have a good old rant to myself
I'm so sick of this mum I've met complaining to me that life with kids gets so hard when they are older, her child is older than mine. Every conversation ends with "oh wait till x is older, it gets much harder then". I want to say to her, yeah it looks really hard with your mum their the whole time for you, cooking the tea, helping with the washing, taking your kids back and forward to school for most of the week, giving you time to yourself. I've got no help at all, no one to ask can you collect the kids from school/take to brownies/watch while I pop out etc etc. I want to tell this mum to fuck off when she starts, but I smile and keep my feelings to myself. Why am I not more assertive and answer her instaed of bottling up my feelings and nodding? next time I'm not going to be so understanding and sympathetic to her, I waish I could avoid this person completely but she seems to see me as a pal and hangs around me, maybe I'm the only one daft enough to listen to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:10

!!

thought no one was there......

OP posts:
traceybath · 17/11/2008 19:14

yanbu - the ones that really annoy me are the ones who never seem able to book and pay a proper babysitter and get very annoyed if their mum's dare to have a life of their own. (of course i realise i'm just jealous) [wink}

But them i'm bitter as no family within a couple of hours drive although they are fab when we see them.

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:14

TTT, good for you if you've got a mum near you and you don't take her for granted and don't moan, trust me there are plenty who have their mums nearby and moan to the likes of me who have no help about how hard parenting is

it really pisses me off

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 17/11/2008 19:16

My mum and dad live a 2 hour drive away and both work but they babysit 4 or 5 nights a year and I am truly greatful for their help.

I do find, if that you "just have to get on with it" then er, you do.

YANBU

It never ceases to amaze me when their mum (or MIL) does masses of free childcare so they can return to work. Then all they do is moan about how the poor woman is doing it all wrong. Well, dust of the cheque book and pay a nursery . I would love to have my mum looking after DCs so I can afford to return to work.

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:17

traceybath, I know what you mean, my "friend" told me how she was annoyed at her mum booking a weekend break without consulting her first, as she wanted her mum to babysit that weekend

then in the next sentence she said to me "oh but you really like staying in though don't you"

OP posts:
BiggusBoobius · 17/11/2008 19:19

Don't know, am swinging between YABU and YANBU.

YANBU to be pissed off about mums who don't appreciate how much help they've got.

However YABU to try and stop them moaning, there is always someone worse off then you, does that mean no one is allowed to moan?

expatinscotland · 17/11/2008 19:20

i am a just get on with it person. because we have no family here, AND we made the choice to be here. even when we were in edinburgh, however, DH's and the DD's native city, we didn't have much family help because my ILs are in poor health.

i chose to move abroad, away from my family.

but if i didn't have this life i'd have no life at all.

i don't know any other way.

DH and i only get away on our own when my folks are here once or twice a year.

TheCrackFox · 17/11/2008 19:20

They are allowed to moan but they should choose who they are moaning to a bit more carefully.

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:21

I know I can't stop them moaning, but don't moan to me about how their mum can't help tonight although she's been there all week helping when my mum can't even visit now and we've got bugger all help

OP posts:
BiggusBoobius · 17/11/2008 19:22

TCF - I think everyone should have the tact and diplomacy to think about who they are moaning at - sadly an increasing number of people have lost the ability to think of other people's feelings.

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:23

agree with you there

OP posts:
Monkeyblue · 17/11/2008 19:24

YANBU it gets on my nerves mums that complain about having it hard when they have help on their doorstep

We live abroad NO help and have to get on with it.When DC are sick or on the off chance have a night out......

Original poster
asif · 17/11/2008 19:28

thank god its not just me, I know I'm a bitter old hag, and most mums do appreciate the help they have from their families, its just this one mum at the school gates who seems to make a beeline for me and tells me how hard life is/how tired she is/how it gets harder as they get older THEN when I ask what did you do at the weekend she says "oh the kids stayed at my mums, we need time to ourselves" and then looks at me blankly when I tell her we haven't had a night alone in 10 years

OP posts:
boogeek · 17/11/2008 19:36

YANBU, I live in the sort of village that most people stay in for generations (we are incomers) and I have so many friends who get cross when their mums go away for a weekend! Sometimes i say through very gritted teeth yes well my nearest family is 2 hours away you know and they look at me like I am insane. Perhaps I am.

GirlySquare · 17/11/2008 19:39

yanbu - it's tiring having parents who don't get involved, though I do sympathise with the mums who have mil/mothers from hell who insist on butting in and commenting whilst trying to control everything they do.

ohdearwhatamess · 17/11/2008 19:40

I moan a lot but have no help at all.

Bienchen · 17/11/2008 19:40

Asif, you are right. I also know of a few mums that don't work, have only one child and a cleaner and complain that the husbands are not doing enough and how hard it is to fit everything in.

bubblagirl · 17/11/2008 19:41

i kind of have to agree although not in eveyones case of course but on people i know in my circle of friends

one doesnt leave her mums house and complains she is havimng tough time when whole family is rallying round

other friends has huge social life and lots of help if unwell can go to bed and children will be watched

and i dont really complain at all and my dp works lomg shifts my ds has ASD and i havent slept well in nearly 4 yrs dont get to rest up when ill and basically do eveything but i just do it because i have too

so annoys me too as i gett he whole im so pissed off mums going out and i cant now as she was having kids oh but you went out 2 nights ago and before that few nights before for meal and cinema and i have to plan my nights like military operation months in advance lol