To think mums with the most family help are the ones who moan the most about how hard life is?

[asif]

most people just get on with life, I know some moan some don't

BUT I'm sick of listening to mums who have THEIR mums at their beck and call telling anyone who'll listen how hard life is for them

I want to scream TRY DOING IT WITHOUT YOUR MUM THERE THE WHOLE TIME LOVE

I agree, I myself and a few of my closest friends, friends have no-one to help us out with the housework, or kids. We, meaning myself and my husband, get on with our family life and dont groan aboout how hard it all is, because we are positive people, grateful for our beautiful son, house (small but cosy) jobs, health, few close friends and family.
Those who have lots of help with babysitting, and kids off to nursery (all day) or school, etc, and dont have to work either, moan so much about how hard everything is!
Gets me why they even had kids in the first place, they moan they never go out, and frown when we dont.. (well why dont you offer to babysit for us then?! )
Having said this, they are people I know, but am not good friends with, I wouldnt be able to have a proper friendship with someone so ungrateful and negative AND wouldnt they would offer tbabysit, because they would be too busy going out! (not that we would even let them sit)

I have been lucky with most people knowing that we haven't had much support from parents so they keep comments to themselves mostly, though I did tell a friend who was saying how him and his wife had spent the weekend lazy around to stop when he went to to the stage of saying they read the papers, that was too much ! But he was very kind and did say that when DS gets to the stage where he'd be OK for a sleepover that he would be welcome to stay with them.

My Mum moved round the corner 3 years ago and at first it made things worse as she had very limited mobility whilst waiting for a hip replacement and I had to do a lot of things for her as well as trying to sort the children and DH who was ill at the time. But she is more mobile now and did actually sit with DS for 2 hours the other day whilst I took DH to the dentist. PILs are in Spain, MIL died in May after a long illness which had DH hopping on planes. So we are finally getting to the stage where we don't need to worry about parents so much for the moment and just need to worry about us and the DCs. How long it will last I've no idea but am appreciating it.

I agree with CD about making your own family though. Our neighbours are surrogate grandparents to the DCs and I know they will be there in an emergency and they are have a lovely relationship with with. Also over the years I've made good friends and we all try to rally round when someone is having a bad time . So really I think we are quite lucky, despite on the face of it not having help from parents.

My friend who's like this said to me today when dicussing the arrival of DC2 (8 weeks and 3 weeks)

'Well, in a way you're lucky because your DS has never really slept so you must be used to getting by on a few hours sleep. I really need my 8 hours...'

everyone seems to think I'm saying people shouldn't moan, I'm not saying that at all, we all moan now and then (read the op), but PLEASE those of you with help from your families, PLEASE don't moan to people like me with no help, its so insensitive and frustrating

and CD how am I wrong? you said yourself you can afford to buy in help, what if you can't?

I too have many good friends, but the continual help I see some mums getting from their own mums/mils can't be replaced by friendships (I've found anyway)

So, those of us with families around to help can't moan to those people who don't.

Fine.

In that case, to those of you who have your dps around: don't you dare moan to me because my dp works away 6 months of the year and I would argue that you don't know how hard that is.

Everyone moans. It's a fact of life. I'd rather meet a moaner than a 'Oh my life's so tough but I just get on with it without moaning' martyr.

you are wrong in that I have help from my mother (she stays one night a week) but I don't moan and say how hard life is for me!

She is certainly not there the whole time. She lives more than an hour's drive away. She comes up on a Thurday afternoon and picks dd up from school. We can go out on a Thursday night if we want. She stays the night and takes dd to school on a Friday and collects her and waits til I get home from work then goes home.

So we don't get big lie-ins from it. We have to go to work! We do get a night a week out. We also generally go out on a Saturday and we pay for a babysitter then.

Occasionally dd will go and stay wiht my parents for a few days eg in the holiday.

The rest of the time I am just like other mums. Running around like a headless chicken, sometimes loving it sometimes hating it - sometimes both.

But I certainly don't moan about it.

Also this arrangement is only since dd went to school. Before that we didn't have this help.

What are your circumstances then asif?

Do you work? Are you married? How many children do you have?

well I moan a lot about how hard life is. .........but I don't fit into group mentioned in your thread title.

I do have family 100's of miles away, but they're neither use nor ornament (hello Poly if your still reading my posts )

"but PLEASE those of you with help from your families, PLEASE don't moan to people like me with no help, its so insensitive and frustrating"

No it's not - my best friend has LOADS of fmaily support, 99% of her family live within 20 minutes drive of her (oh and her DH's family do too) so she gets lots and lots of support from them, sees them regularly.

Why the hell shouldn't she be able to moan too?

Asif - Some people just like a good old moan, regardless of whether they have help or not. If they werent moaning about that, they would find something else to moan about.

Kinda sensing you might be a bit envious. I know i am, i have no help whats so ever.

People who have no help need adopt a granny

It is such a brilliant idea

CD - thats a brill idea. Do they do a blow up version?

I know we all have a right to moan when we need to, but I do get annoyed with the people who moan cos their diamond shoes are pinching their toes, or their wallets are falling apart because of the large amounts of money they keep in them. And you know who you are

I also tend to find that people with real reason to moan, ie those with horrible family histories or traumatic life experiences, are least likely to moan. EG, my friend had a stillbirth followed by a spell of meningitis with her youngest child and she's still come out smiling.

Life is what you make it!

thats a brilliant idea, CD!

yes I'm married and so shouldn't moan as do have a dh

I guess I am very envious of people with help, and its a bit irrational I know but I can't stop myself

Gosh sorry, yes how unthoughtful of me. It must really piss you off that my mum is able to help out with my DD who has SN's and my other 2 children.
How dare I ever feel like a moan anywhere on MN just because life with a child with SN's, with the development age of a 2/3 year old when she's actually 7 and I have a a 3 year old and a 1 year old too ( so it's a bit like having 3 under 3). All those forms I have to fill in, all those battles I have to fight, what am I thinking? I have no right to moan on MN in case you happen to read it, because I have my mum around.

Sorry, will think twice before using MN for support and a moan from now on.

NOT!

no need to be so abusive thomcat, thats out of order. you obviously haven't read all of my posts.

Sorry if you felt my post was abusive, I didn't mean to be abusive. But your OP did piss me off a bit. I didn't post my response with anger or venom or anything behind it, I was just mildly pissed off by it.

But I thought
"I want to scream TRY DOING IT WITHOUT YOUR MUM THERE THE WHOLE TIME LOVE" sounded a bit abusive and out of order tbh and wanted to point out that although some people have their mums to help out now and then we don't necessarily have it easy and need to come onto MN to rant now and then.

I completely understand that, and I'm glad you've got some help, it does sound like you really need it, a lot more than me or most people. BUT my op wasn't aimed at anyone like yourself or anyone in your position. and I definately wasn't meaning we should all not moan, God knows I've been moaning my head off today! We all need to moan, but all I was thinking was a girl I know who is always moaning to me that she only has her mums help 5 days out of 7, when she knows I have no help and would dearly love some. I am very jealous I admit, of the help she has, I just wish she would show a bit of tact when maoning to me.

you know what I think you probably just have to continue biting your lip.

I'm on my own with 3 DS's (admittedly none of them have any SN) - I have no family help.

However, I have in the past had a DH and family around to help - I still had stuff to moan about.

My best friend, as I mentioned earlier, has help from both her family and her DH's family. She moans about stuff

However I don't like competitive moaning - I think no matter how much help you do (or don't have) most people have something to moan about and I think to say "well you have help and I don't" is a little (well a lot actually ) unfair.

I agree with FAQ. I don't have any help from family but think people need to be able to moan about things if they need/want to.

otherwise it will be like a hierachy - only those at the top can complain - no-one else must do so or else.............or else - oh I don't know what would happen to them

YANBU...makes me wanna scream, too....

And think of the nightmare of deciding who should be worthy of moaning. I have 2 with SN but does having a dh take away my moaning rights? It could get messy.

YABU to say it out loud but YANBU to think it!

I sometimes what to shout at my sister to stop moaning (she has 2 sets of grandparents that help her out each week and a cleaner whereas we are miles from any one)

but there is always someone worse off than you so you can't complain!