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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my 6 week old baby in to nursery for 1 half day a week so i can have a break?

173 replies

babylovesmilk · 16/11/2008 14:54

I am pregnant with my 3rd child and am planning to put my new baby in nursery from 9 -1, 1 day a week. My other DC will be at school. I had PND with my last child, have no family nearby and think the break will be a life line. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
babylovesmilk · 16/11/2008 20:36

My 2 other DC catnapped for short periods only for much longer than 6 weeks.

Pucca

Just because you just gone with it means nothing! You sound bitter. I feel sorry for your friend - if she had help she may of had more babies.

OP posts:
Original poster
babylovesmilk · 16/11/2008 20:36

Some really good suggestions on here - i will think about/look into!

OP posts:
Booboobedoo · 16/11/2008 20:37

My DS didn't sleep much until he was about three months old.

He was the amazing non-sleeping baby, and I found the newborn days the most exhausting.

The main thing I learned from Mumsnet, in fact, was don't listen to the generalisations.

pooka · 16/11/2008 20:49

I should state that I am not anti-childcare, including childcare-giving-parent-a-break.

DS went to a childminder for 2 mornings a week from the age of 14months. I did have freelance work to do, but relatively rarely used those hours for the work, preferring to have some quiet time on my own, doing the work in the evenings or when dh was around at the weekend.

But I still think that 6 weeks is too young for a nursery setting. And for me, the stress involved with preparation for the nursery session, including prep of bottles and possibly pumping while the baby is at the nursery as will be skipping feeds, and the worry about the baby being happy and settling in, would outweigh for me the benefit of the time alone.

StealthPolarBear · 16/11/2008 20:53

Agree with that
At 6 weeks I was still nervous about DS when I was in the shower

tootiredtotango · 16/11/2008 20:57

I don't think a 6 week old baby will have any issues with settling in - they won't notice!

Plonker · 16/11/2008 20:58

Ok - this is my opinion ...

YANBU to want a break. Babies can be hard work!. I haven't been in your situation as I did have family around me and although I didn't rely on them much, I only had to ask and they would help (I also have 3 dc).

Personally speaking, I really, strongly don't believe that a nursery is the right environment for a baby so young. For a start you would be really hard pressed to find a nursery to even accept a baby so young.
I would worry about the 1:1 attention that baby would get.
I would worry about baby's susceptibility to picking up illnesses.
I would worry that needs are not met immediately.
I would worry about the lack of a 'home' environment.

These are my worries, not yours, I am just giving you a different perspective.

My dd2 went to nursery one day a week when she was only 3 months old (needed childcare for work). I took her out when she was only 5 months old. I hated it.
She picked up virus after virus and although it was a lovely lovely nursery, I just couldn't shake off the feeling that it wasn't right for her, or me. Again, my feelings only.

I would urge you to think about a different way of getting that much-needed time. Meeting some childminders and getting to know them would be a great start.

Oh, and I think its great that you are thinking ahead and taking steps now. Good luck.

Plonker · 16/11/2008 20:59

That should have said nursery isn't the right environment doh

Plonker · 16/11/2008 21:00

It did say that ...just ignore me ...

thisisyesterday · 16/11/2008 21:02

I disagree with all the comments about 6 weeks old doing nothing much but sleep!
I'd have agreed after ds1, but after ds2??? no way. he did NOT sleep.
he cried. a lot. for most of the day.

that said, I couldn't have been parted from him, not at 6 weeks old.

I agree wholeheartedly with the people who have suggested maybe getting someone to come in to your house to help.
perhaps you need a mother's help who could come in, look after baby and maybe get a little bit of housework done while you just rest. that way you are absolutely sure that baby is ok, you're getting some jobs done and you're getting some rest as well, and it'd be cheaper than nursery.
also means you don't need to give formula or worry about getting baby to take a bottle.

ScottishMummy · 16/11/2008 21:05

you need to maintain your mental/physical health.if nursery facilitates that BLM go for it

Booboobedoo · 16/11/2008 21:10

Just wanted to add to those who've supported you in your very sensible quest to try to avoid PND.

I suffered from it (although I only have one), and am already reviewing tactics for the next time.

Twinklemegan · 16/11/2008 21:13

Hi babylovesmilk. Firstly, ignore the more flippant comments on this thread. Many people who have family to call on when needed, or who have sailed through with no problems, completely underestimate how knackering it can be being a parent with no other family support. For me it's a given that you will need a break, so of course YANBU.

I do agree with other posters that some nurseries may not provide the best environment for your new baby. However, if you can find a small nursery with staff you really like and trust then that could work fine. As I always say on childcare threads, I would be much more worried about leaving my baby/child with a childminder than at a good nursery.

I'd be interested to know where you would start to look for a "mother's help" or a nanny - I guess that's a different world from the one I inhabit.

Good luck to you with whatever you decide.

wrinklytum · 16/11/2008 21:19

Haven't read thread but no YANBU.

I am sure I had undx PND with 2 nd child (who has sn) and was a very "Difficult".I have 2 year age gap and ds was 2 when she was born.Family live away.DP was working long hours.I would have killed for a break.I think a morning a week you time is totally justified.Do you have a nursery in mind that you like.The best way to get a "Feel"of them is to drop in unannounced for a look round.Good luck xx

SoupDragon · 16/11/2008 21:19

I have no one to call on and I don't underestimate how knackering it is but I still would not consider putting such a young baby into nursery. As someone else suggested, I would put the money towards more frequent bursts of help from other sources. One morning a week is not going to make any real difference.

PeachyAndTheSucklingBas · 16/11/2008 21:23

Well its not a choice i'd made but if you feel it might help stave off pnd then its got to be better for you all surely?

ScottishMummy · 16/11/2008 21:23

BLM by all means garner opinions but be aware you need to suit yourself.

anchovies · 16/11/2008 21:23

Personally I would wait and see how you feel, I had PND with my second and found him very hard work and was very worried about this time but have just had number three and she is the most placid easy going baby. If my other 2 were both in school, nursery for a morning would be more hassle than it was worth, getting there and getting back. Would get much more use out of a cleaner! Here's hoping you get an easy one too! That said though if my number 3 was as hard as number two I would do whatever it took not to get PND again.

pucca · 16/11/2008 21:28

Erm ....actually i had a baby with lactose intolerance (dd) much more severe symptoms to colic who wasn't diagnosed until 12 weeks and then i had ds who had colic so actually i DO know what it is like, thank you VERY much.

I am not bitter at all, i am proud actually by the fact that i did it all myself, and got through my PND myself.

Besides which by all the comments of "my db didn't sleep AT ALL as a newborn" it goes to show that you cannot predict ANYTHING. You are still pregnant, you have no idea IF you will get PND, you have no idea if you will have one of these incredible non sleeping babies, you also have 2 other children - yes but who are at school 5 days a week.

Original poster
babylovesmilk · 16/11/2008 21:30

Pucca,

Why so arsey? Good for you, give yourself a pat on the back.

OP posts:
Sidge · 16/11/2008 21:32

I doubt very much you'd find a nursery that would take a 6 week old baby. Most start at 12 weeks as far as I know.

Apart from that I think it's rather strange to put a tiny baby who has hardly been out of you for 5 minutes into a nursery; why not use the money to pay for a cleaner, ironing lady, or even a mother's help in your home? If your other children are at school you can then sleep when the baby sleeps, or just relax with a magazine and a cup of tea.

Sorry to sound brutal but I can't see how 4 hours (all in one block) apart from your baby will reduce the chance of getting PND. Surely it's how the other 164 hours of the week are going that will determine that? Better to have a little help for an hour here and there spread throughout the week I would have thought?

Original poster
babylovesmilk · 16/11/2008 21:33

Sidge - not brutal - I do want opinions, so i appreciate what your saying.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 16/11/2008 21:34

I've been thinking about this, and come back to it with a couple of other things that I think are important/could be important to you.

one is that the first 6 weeks are probably the most stressful, and when you're most likely to need help, particularly if you do get PND again.
thus it kind of seems like you're planning on going through that alone, and then putting baby into childcare once things could well be startying to get a bit easier.

now, I am not saying you shouldn't do whatever you feel you need to, to get a break. but in my honest opinion I do think that if you are worried about PND and really need extra help in whatever form then you need it from the offset. no?

presumably you have homestart etc in your area? if you're not sure I think they have a website you could google for it, they may be able to provide support?
do yoiu have any family that could provide support in the first few weeks at all?

SoupDragon · 16/11/2008 21:34

Get a sling. Something like a coorie. I called mine the Magic Sling of Sleep because it was pretty much the only place BabyDragon would sleep. I could get on with stuff with her in it or wriggle out of it, wrap her in it and get her to stay asleep in her rocker so I could nap.

Twinklemegan · 16/11/2008 21:35

Where are these "mother's help" creatures to be found?