To put my 6 week old baby in to nursery for 1 half day a week so i can have a break?

[babylovesmilk]

I am pregnant with my 3rd child and am planning to put my new baby in nursery from 9 -1, 1 day a week. My other DC will be at school. I had PND with my last child, have no family nearby and think the break will be a life line. AIBU?

Moondog,

Thank you for your opinion. What do you suggest I do - have an abortion?

You come on a public forum and ask the opinoo of complete strangers.
I think it is weird.
You do what you want.
That's the end of it.

BTW - I am sure I will cope - but i remember how tough the early days were with DC2 and just want to help myself as much as possible.

Moondog

Thanks again - very helpful.

So, if a mum has a baby and asks her family for help or employs a doula, prehaps she should not have baby - she is not going to cope. Very odd.

you might be fine. I had severe PND with numbers 1 and 2 and was petrified when found I was pg with number 3 when the others were only 1 and 2 years old.
I was much better the third time round, even with 3 under 3 in the house.

Personally, yes I do think you're being unreasonable. 6 weeks is far too young.

Yes but you don't have to send it at 6 weeks, you could ask a neighbour to have it until it gets to the less adorable age of 2 and then send it to nursery 1 morning a week.
In my experience sending them 1 morning would be a disaster because you have to settle them down every week and every week they've forgotten the week before and it's starting from scratch every week. Especially at the 7 month clingy stage, 1 morning isn't enough to get used to it.
I've said before I sent mine to nursery very young and I really do regret it.

Having someone like a doula come in to look after your baby is a world away from leaving your baby in a nursery.

Having someone like a doula come in to look after your baby is a world away from leaving your baby in a nursery.

needmore

It is nice to hear a positive story! I hope I don't get PND again.

When ds was born I looked after him most of the time (SAHM with no family living near to help). Dh helped a bit in the evnings and at weekends, but the thing I really felt I needed was just a little bit of time on my own in the house without the baby. Eventually when he was 18 months old, I arranged for him to go to a childminder just for one morning a week. It really, really helped me just to have that little bit of time to myself, and I wished with hindsight that I had done it earlier. I think six weeks is possibly a little early, but I certainly wish I had thought of it at about 4-6 months. If I had had family around to take him out or have him for a morning I probably wouldn't even have considered it.

I think the thing is that even if your baby does sleep all morning (and mine certainly didn't!) it's just the feeling of knowing that for those few hours you don't have to worry about whether they will wake up etc, and you can spend time doing something uninterrupted. For example, I did things like sort out the loft, or weed the whole garden, which I could never have done with ds there. Or if you are really tired you can have a proper rest, without worrying whether the baby will wake up etc. So I don't think YABU

Thanks Soupdragon - appreciate another viewpoint.

I speak as someone who put each SmallDragon in nursery for 2 full days a week when they turned 2 for no other reason than ME time.

I wouldn't put a 6week old in nursery HOWEVER I only have 2 and am pregnant with no.3 so ask me then! yanbu at all. we have lots of family near us but would trust a nursery more so if you want a break go for it.

Also op was asking if she was bu about sending the little one to nursery I don't feel she was opening herself up to comments on her being pregnant so perhaps that was a little uncalled for.

i'm not sure i could put a baby into nursery at 6 weeks old. i did have dd 2in nursery one afternoon a week at age 2, which was a nice break.

but 6 weeks is too young IMHO.

what about finding some new baby groups?

I think that accusing her of allowing herself to become a 'victim of circumstances' is a bit unfair given the history of PND. I think that a lot of the points raised about the way in which OP should enable herself to have a regular break are useful (hiring a nanny, doula, childminder, etc) & I imagine those are more along the lines of what she was asking for when she originally posted rather than comments on her abilities as a mother.

Surely admitting that she may need help in order to avoid a repeat of what must have already been awful makes her a far better mother than if she pretended that it never happened. I'd say that she's actively trying to avoid becoming a victim of circumstances.

Prehaps I need to wait until I have the baby and see how I feel?

Moondog, do you think women with a history of depression should be complusorily sterilised? Honestly the other poster is trying to pre empt a hideous situation.

babylovesmilk, I can understand how you feel. I suffered quite severe postnatal depression and I am expecting a baby. I think its best to be open minded about the nursery. If it will help then why not?

The other suggestions I have is to talk to your midwife and see if a volenteer from surestart would be prepared to help you out in the early days.

Personally I would rather spend the money on online shopping, ironing service and/or a cleaner. This would give you much more of a break from the boring rubbish stuff and more time with your children. Hence nap time could be 'YOU' time and 6 week old babies sleep a lot

I wouldn't put a little baby in a nursery but if I had the money would have considered a Nanny for one day a week (or two mornings) to get a break.

will your other kids be out during the day? I found them harder than the baby, maybe arranging a childminder to take them to school/nursery would be of help.

I think a Childminder would be better, but you seem to have a hang up about them? Can I ask what it is?

A nanny would be good too but kind of defeats the object of having some time to yourself too!

As the child gets older, around 6 months I would suggest you maybe do it twice a week though, once a week isn't enough time to settle and too long in between and can leave the baby with issues settling in in my experience.

It might be better to have someone take over the older two for a few hours a week and for you to have some lovely quality time with your newborn?

Congratulations

babylovesmilk - I wouldn't give up the idea entirely - if you think its going to be an issue, then you need to have a plan in place as you'd find it impossible to get childcare with no notice. I think its good to identify that you might have a problem in advance

So I'd have a look at doulas/nannies/CMs/home helps/cleaners - anyone that can take the pressure off. Just consider all your options.
Also, chat to neighbours/friends and see if they'd be willing to do an hour walk here and there (those odd hours really made a difference to me - ahh a nice long soak in the bath!)

I'd also be wary of giving the odd bottle of formula. I battled with my DS for months trying to get him to take a bottle of EBM and he only does it now he can happily go hours without milk (would take it from around 7mo when offered alongside solids) It really wasn't worth the hassle.

No go for it if you can find a really good nursery that can care properly for an infant. Babies need happy mummies xx

Having read other posts - yes get someone to come over to your house while you rest. Much better idea.