To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

Oh and the children from the nursery who can cross the road get out regularly. I see them out feeding the ducks while I'm out and about.

Unearned income usually just means interest on your building society savings or from a buy to let flat etc.

Children in nursery 5 days a week surely spend 2 days a week with their parents at home and surely they get taken to the super market, shops etc then. It's not like we transport these children to another planet for 5 years and then see them. Working parents see lots of their children. I never used a nursery and liked the idea of the control we had over a nanny and children in their own home but the nurseries I've seen seem to take the children out a lot and they do do things there, go to the park etc.

Does anyone out there actually work when they don't 'have' to?

"Children in nursery 5 days a week surely spend 2 days a week with their parents at home and surely they get taken to the super market, shops etc then."

Which goes back to my point of parents needing to be aware of and make up for deficiencies in their chosen childcare. I include SAHP in that btw I think they (I) have to make the effort on the social side and the messy play type stuff that parents of nursery kids don't need to worry about so much. It works both ways.

In the particular case of the child who didn't know how to behave I mentioned earlier I don't think the parents did take them out to shops etc. They must have done those things while he was in childcare, it was probably easier. I do see them out walking and stuff though.

The child who couldn't cross the road is, on the other hand, beautifully well behaved. All credit to her parents and nursery for that, and is in fact now best friends with my child. It was obviously just one (small?) thing that was missed. I can see how it would happen if the parents drive everywhere, which would be equally true for a SAHP who drives everywhere to be fair.

"Does anyone out there actually work when they don't 'have' to? "

Not me (clearly) but I do have friends who do. Either because they enjoy their work or can't stand looking after children full time, or both!

Does it matter though? As long as they and the kids are happy, which they are in the cases of the people I know.

mustincreasebust, I've worked for quite a few women who've worked when financially they could give it up

a lot of women would rather be at work than at home with their kids, there's no surprise there

mustincreasebust - define 'have to'. Do you mean financially? Financially we could get by without me working but in order to develop my skills and fully explore my potential I work. I don't 'have' to. I love to.

"Not worrying if they love their other carers more" seriously, Sad? you think your bond with your child is so tenuous that they would love a carer more than you if you put them in nursery? Really, really hand on heart?

I'd be more than bloody sad if DS didn't love me more than anyone else in the world at his age. Apart from meat balls which I think have the edge.

Why are you so sad for other childrenbtw you never did explain. Have you thought of taking up a new hobby? I havefriends who WOHM, SAHM WPTOM and SFM and almost without exception they dont really seem to give a shit what happens to DS when they dont see him. UNnless I start whinging about him/childcare/work/home. In which case they are generally kind enough to listen and say "there, there" soothingly which is pretty much what I do for their gripes.

Do I have to work?

Financially - no.

For my sanity - yes.

accountant answer to "unearned" is not by virtue of emplyment (Xenia gives two most common example)

38 messages to go before this spate ends...

i quote from the other thread...

had a little think whilst having a quick soak just then

I take back all my earlier arguments

I am infact THAT sahm spoken of here

Depressed
miserable
dull
downtrodden
bored
never leaving the house to exercise me or my child

luckily my depressive state makes me prone to bi polar which allows me to

'fuss around at school'
'be a helicopter parent' and
'stick an oar in everything'

I work when I don't have to. I like working. It's good for me and the children and the nation and other women because it shows that women can work and have children and means we don't lose the gains we only recently won. As all the husbands on here lose their jobs in the recession many a stay at home mother will be ruing the day she shot her career to pieces and ruined her children's life chances because now there is no family income at all and a life on benefits beckons because she mistakenly thought being home with under 5s was necessary for their proper development.

duchesse had the same thought myself - what a depressing thread it has been.

How to depress many perfectly competant paretns with normally happy children.

Round of applause for OP.

What was I thinking posting on it...

I suppose 'having to' is a pretty subjective issue so stupid question. I was asking as me and DH were musing about what we would do if we won the lotto; personally I wouldn't do my job but I would love to dedicate my time to causes that I feel passionate about which would mean that I would need to still use some sort of child care. I guess in some women's eyes that makes me a bad parent, hey ho.

Blimey is this still going? are the sahms still up in arms about our dc living miserable existances in nurseries? cant be bothered to read the new messages, hey ho, off to do a weeks worth of ironing now that ds is in bed

33

'findtheriver asked what she is missing by working full time and not being with her kids instead, she can't think at all what she might miss

can't argue with someone like that, far less discuss a point! '

Well kindly point out what I'm missing then asif, as you obviously know, and then I'll know!

Your alterego slightlysad had a bash at trying to tell us working parents what we're missing, but her list was frankly pretty laughable, consisting of things like 'oooh the poor child might start loving other people more than its mum and dad'.

ftr - when I was working full time I missed my kids.

xenia no hint of megalomania or irony?you working is good for the nation and sisterhood

LOL

us sahp can rest asured we are still an underclass amongst parents

mustincrease - I work when I don't need to financially. I love being with my kids, I certainly don't hate days that I'm not working, far from it. But I have an interesting and fulfilling career, and I find that I can happily combine it with bringing up happy and contented children.

noonki - that's sad and I hope you reached a point where you had choice to change that

I wohm i am happy, my ds goes to nursery he is happy

Get over it

This thread has run its course dont you think?

My income is earned.