To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

Ptomelysmummy - and the assumption has also been made that if you are WOTH then you're not parenting.

Swedes, I insist you CAT me immediately to tell me how to do this. You're not JK Rowling are you?

ss I am about your comments about keeping children at home if they are slightly ill or tired ! Surely they need to learn that sometimes you have to to school or work feeling less than brilliant. My mum used to say to half the worlds work is done by peolple who don't feel very well.I certainly don't think tat children should be kept off school if they are tired, how weird how will they ever develop a work ethic if they are allowed to opt out like that. I use a mixture of childcare types and my dcs could stay off school on any given day without a problem to me however I think it's realy important that they go in unless they are sick enough to stay in bed.

Most of the SAHMs describe themselves as not working, that's probably why PM

NorthernLurker - perhaps so. But in the case of pre-school children it's surely impossible to WOH without childcare of some sort?

aah she's swedes is she??!!!

Come on then, let us into your dirty secret

Hmm, I am going to guess:

1. Investments through working/selling a business
2. Professional poker player
3. Writing Harry Potter novels
4. Running a disreputable website
5. Oh I give up, you're going to have to dish

PM - using childcare does not mean you abrogate all responsibility as a parent and cease parenting for that time. I don't get 34 hours a week when my mothering gene gets switched off. The suggestion has been made more than once on this thread that woth parents are not raising their children. I say parents - but actually in this debate it's mothers isn't it? Fathers work outside the home and they are providing well. Mothers work outside the home and it's all about how they are compromising and is it worth it? It's such a sexist debate - drives me crazy.

LOL at direputable website.

Spread betting?

NorthernLurker - please explain how you do not cease parenting while your child is in childcare.

I very much feel and believe that I cease parenting when my child is at school.

As far as I can see, the sahps on this thread won't be happy until the wohms (and yes it is mothers) break down and admit that we're dreadful parents, that we ache for our children all day every day and that we know we're damaging our children irreparably by farming them out to strangers but we're too selfish/in love with our big houses and cars/too career-minded to put them first.

Anna - parenting isn't a matter of hours logged. FYI I picked my daughters nursery and school. I speak to their carers, decide what they will eat and do as activities after school. I provide for same. I ask about what they've done and ensure they know how proud I am. When they are in their thirties and forties and so forth and not living at home ( I hope) I will still be parenting them. There is a difference between parenting and hands on care. Some of the posters on here seem to think that time spent not doing hands on care equates to a lack of parental care. Well that's just bollocks.

SAHMs do not work.
SAHMs do not bring in an income.
SAHMs have no choice but to stay at home.
SAHMs have more time than WOHMs.
SAHMs are lazy if they have a cleaner.
WOHMs have no choice but to go to work.
WOHMs are highly qualified and mostly in highly-paid jobs.
WOHMs have no time to themselves.
WOHMs can't survive without a cleaner.

All these things are nonsense as absolute truths.

Lockets, you're not invisible.

Sorry was preoccupied guessing source of unearned income.

Ptolemy, are you wholesaling root vegetables?

Or is it sextoys. It's sex toys isn't it?

You're marketing root vegetables as sex toys?

Right! Enough of the ridiculous WOHM/SAHM debate.

Let's be logical here.

A)Those who can afford to have a choice of working or not and choose to stay at home, are likely to be content.

B)Those who can afford to have a choice of working or not, and choose to work, are likely to be content.

C)Those who have no choice through financial constraints, and have to work, are likely to be less content and therefore may possibly attack SAHM as a form of defence.

D)Those who have no choice, either through poor skills, poor earning power or lack of confidence, and have to stay at home, are likely to be less content and therefore may possibly attack WOHM as a form of defence.

I think I've covered all the bases.

Now, looking at how the thread started, I think we can reliably draw the conclusion that the OP belongs to group D)

There is also a fairly large group E who've tried a bit of everything and honestly can't be arsed to take sides in this debate, because nothing they've done so far has sent their offspring totally off the rails.

"They're also accused... ...of parenting children who can't cross roads."

I never said FT workers parent children who can't cross roads. I just pointed out road safety as a skill that can't be learnt within the walls of a nursery. I cited the example of one child I knew who had clearly missed out. Foe the record I know far more children who were FT nursery and can cross roads ok, they went to a different nursery though. I don't care if children are taught these things by CMs, nursery staff, grandparents, parents, or uncle Bob! Nothing to do with the parents working or not.

I have no problem with parents working full time. It is not my choice but how dull the world would be if we were all the same. All I care about is that children are well looked after, it doesn't matter where or who by. In the week of Baby P, of all weeks, I'm not going to suggest that parents are always the best!

Quattro - What on earth do you mean unearned income?

You are toying with me ... I need to know

of course you cease parenting when your child is in childcare, you are still the parent but you're not doing the parenting

findtheriver asked what she is missing by working full time and not being with her kids instead, she can't think at all what she might miss

can't argue with someone like that, far less discuss a point!

I still think that you can be entirely happy with your own choices, and can yet be driven into making insulting remarks about the 'opposing' side by the sheer weight of insults being slung at you. This applies to posters on both sides of the debate.

There are also those who just believe that consistent parenting by just one or two emotional intimates is better for a child than the average daycare setting

And those who just believe that the average daycare setting is better for a child than consistent parenting by just one or two emotional intimates.