To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

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dilemma - the second nursery sounds lovely. And at least the first one had some trips out. How occasional though? I know the nursery DS1 attended was supposed to make occasional trips out. He never left the nursery premises in the year he went there (only one morning per week though).

hf128219

1. You name change to post - The first post on this thread was 'You are v v brave posting this!!!'. I've name changed because I like MN and using it. I don't always want to be remembered for this thread, but I was interested to see what people thought.

2. You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself and your child rearing skills. - Not really. I do the best that I can, but if you knew me personally, you'd know that I spend a lot of time doubting how well I'm doing at being a mum.

3. You seem to have a very low opinion of nurseries - Not at all. They have their place. I just think that for 10 hours a day, (most of a small baby or childs waking hours) 5 days per week it wouldn't be ideal to be in one place the whole time.

am a bit at this comment 'So how many of you smug sahms are going to be sending your dc to boarding school when they come of age? i am genuinely interested?'

why?
being sah means we haven't got any money! not that I'd use boarding school if i was rich cos I think its horrid.
but, having said that, when dd reaches 13 and if she wants, she is going to go to Treloars, the SN school for physically disabled children in Alton. If the LEA will pay for it. But its up to dd. There is no provision for PD children at secondary level in this city and the local mainstream schools are appalling and bottom of the tables every year.

Slightly Sad

I still don't believe you needed to name change! It's not that controversial.

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Just wanted to add to this thread...

My initial thoughts after reading the OP where OMG how brave of you!!!!

My DD goes to nursery 2 days a week, and at times is there from 7.30 till 5/5.30. I thought am I awful for leaving her there for so long. Well no I don't think I am. I can honestly say she loves her nursery and has developed a very strong bond to her key worker. I never doubt once during the day that she isn't happy or settled there. In answer to Op's question no she doesn't leave the nursery grounds but she does spend a lot of time outside, where they have a fantastic outdoor area and some pet rabbits. They also have different rooms for different activities (messy play, story, play rooms etc) I don't think them leaving the nursery really matters - its the variety of activity they have during the day to keep them occupied that matters - to me that is.

Being there has most definately developed her personality and sense of 'self'. She is a confident 2.3 yr old. Even if I could afford to be a SAHM, I would still send her as I believe the interaction does her good and is beneficial to her although she
probably wouldn't have such long days.

If someone has to send their child to nursery 5 days pw then that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm sure that their personal circumstances dictate that needs must. I have several friends who do this. They have great relationships with their children, and I can't say that they or their relationships are any different than mine and my child who goes 2 days or friends children who don't go to nursery at all.

All of the above Just my Opinion, as OP has hers

'I feel sorry for the children who spend 10 hours (plus in some cases) per day 5 days per week in a nursery and never leave the confines of the nursery building and garden.'

Dont feel sorry for my ds, i can gaurentee you he is a very happy little chappy, like i said before, feel sorry for abused, neglected children, not those in nursery who you know nothing about.

'I accept that there are some nurseries who take kids outside the nursery regularly, but I haven't seen many posts to this effect. Yes, your nursery may be fab with a great garden, so is mine (IMVHO ), but my DS's would still go mad if they were never allowed out of it. They like to play in other peoples gardens, at the park, in the street...'

Obviously you didnt read my posts, because i told you the mursery my ds goes to takes them out for walks, we have a garden, he plays in it, he goes to his friends and plays in their garden, and i wouldnt let my 2yr old play out in the street anyway

'IMHO if you have to leave your child in childcare for that many hours per day, then why don't you leave them in a more home-based setting? That was all that I wanted to know. I don't think that you shouldn't be working, I know for some people it is essential. I'm not slating anyone who leaves their child in childcare, just wondering why you chose the type that you did.'

I dont use a CM because i cant afford too.

You know i could feel sorry for your dc only ever spending time with you and being house bound and not ever interacting with other dc, they must be so bored.

Fact is, this is probably not true, but if i made sweeping statements like this about sahms i would get slammed for it.

You make generalisations about dc in nurseries being sad, and you are offending every single working parent by saying that, so expect the back lash can you understand that?

Your OP was smug beyond belief, an i reiterate, do not feel sorry for my ds, he is happy, loved and safe, i have never ever know him to bed 'sad' in his entire life about going to nursery

what on earth was smug about the op?

she asked a question, thats all!

are CM's more expensive than nurseries?
dd went to a CM once a week to give me a break but the SS paid.

I always thought nurseries were dearer

CM are more expensive, do some resarch, you will find this to be true

I haven't read the whole thread, but want to add something about nurseries. They provide a child with an opportunity to develop social skills which other forms of childcare do nor provide. DS (who is 3 and goes to the nursery session attached to DD's primary school). Nursery is 2 1/2 hours a dau M-F. DS has always been in the care of a full time nanny. When he started nursery in September it was very obvious that he did not have the social/group skills that other kids had. He didn't know how to sit down in a group for story time. He didn't quite grasp the concpt of waiting his turn for a certain toy. And so on. He has the same problems at Sunday school, although he is getting better. I put this down to always having had a nanny and basically one-to one care.

I don't think that children mind going to the same place to play every day. So, I don't see that as a bad thing. In fact, I think children thrive on routine and like to go to the same place and see their same friends every day. It prepares them well for school.

I think my DS would have been well served to go to nursery at least part time. But, I don't have a budget for a nanny and a nursery so we have just the nanny. I'm sure he'll catch up so it's not detrimental.

asif - 683 posts and you can't see why working parents found the op smug?

Ds has was just sat behind me demanding 'i want to go to nursery today'

Unfortunately hes stuck with boring old me

Oh VT - just take the poor child to an aquarium!

Unfortunately we live no where near an Aquarium, so i might have to take him down to the local canal to looking at the dead fish, stolen car parts and rusty old shopping trollies

did the OP ever come back to this thread?

Yes she did come back, i am suprised she had time though, what with all the activites; 'mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions...' suprised she has time to shit tbh

1. CMs work out much cheaper if you need less than 10hrs per day. My rate was 3.20ph. Nursery was 35 quid per day. The rate now is 3.50ph. Obviously both rates may be higher or lower depending on the area.
2. CMs have to follow the EYFS to be registered and provide the same opportunities for development in all areas as nurseries, including socialising. Many work in networks and between all the children in ours there were 15 children. This doesn't include interaction at places such as parks, swimming, toddler group, childrens centre activities etc. You are very misguided about childminders and quite ignorant. As for being 'dragged out' for school runs, how is this different from a SAHM with an older sibling at school and one at pre-school half days? It gives more opportunity for play in the playground, social interaction and learning about life. How is that detrimental to a child. In bad weather the CM will leave the dcs in the car with another CM to avoid them getting wet and the other CM will go into school to collect the dcs. Then they change over iyswim. So actually they aren't dragged anywhere. I appreciate that just as there are poor nurseries there are poor CMs. Like with any provision you need to check OFSTED reports and spend time in the setting to make sure its right for your child.

Just to add to the mix. My CM takes 4 weeks holiday a year. That's all my holiday allowance which means there is bugger all flexibility around that. Nursery doesn't do that so for some parents, that is the best option for them.

And from my DS's days at nursery, I can't think of a single child that was there 8-6 5 days a week. Sweeping generalisations anyone?

Sour grape anyone? Sounds like you have plenty VT. I feel you protest too much and the op has hit a raw nerve.

Oh and if a toddler is bored when he has toys to play with it suggests he has little imagination and ability to play on his own. Constant stimulation at nursery can do this.

LOL VT !!

mustincreasebust - excellent post earlier down - precisely the point I was trying to make about extended families, but you said it so much better.

So good in fact that I feel the needto repeat it:

"I find this whole WOHM/SAHM angst that British have is so bizarre. Only in so called western countries is child rearing such an isolated activity only to be done by the mother and father.

To the op spare your feelings of sadness for those that need it."

spice I used to negotiate holidays with all parents so the timing was convenient for most parents and if the first 2 wks were inconvenient to one I would meet her requirements first next time. Its called give and take.

Read first two pages + last one.
I have often asked myself the same question as Slightlysad. because to me it would be like being in school from 8H00 'til 18H00 therefore, very tirering for DC so I am e very happy she asked first..

It did open my eyes though to read pro nurseriy posts as it seems to be quite an enjoyable time for children to attend.

vinegartits I think you are being a bit "harsh" on OP. Just like the rest of us, she had a question and asked it. Good on her if she has time to do all those things with her DC and good on the parents who cannot do it personnaly(because of work committment or health issues or whatever reason really) to chose a place like a nursery, child minder... who can provide that for their DCs. Ultimatly there is no right or wrong as far as childcare is concerned when the goal is for both the child and parent to be happy ans balanced.