To feel a bit sad for children in nurseries 8-6 every day?

[SlightlySad]

It struck me yesterday as I took DS2 to the aquarium then for a walk along the seafront that he was very lucky to be doing this. He'd had a few hours chilling out in the morning, taken his big brother to school, had a fun trip out, then back home for a nap.

If he had been in nursery since 12 weeks, then he wouldn't be doing half the things that he does - mother and toddlers, soft play, baby classes, singing classes, trips to the park, pre-school sessions... I know that some nurseries do these things, but it's not every day, and these are the better nurseries. Some children must spend most of their week in one room. I think this would drive DS2 mad.

I'm very lucky in not working, but this isn't a SAHM vs WOHM issue. I just think if I had to go out to work, that I would choose a childminder to care for my children rather than sending them to a nursery.

If you chose a nursery, does yours do lots of extra stuff? Do the children leave the nursery building/garden often? Why did you go with a nursery and not a CM?

Have to say, thank god some mums do go back to work or we'd have a lot less nurses, teachers, policewomen, cleaners, lawyers, midwives, office workers, nursery care workers, childminders, etc etc etc.

Can you imagine if every women who gave birth didn't go back to work until their kids had left home.

As as I've said, so sorry to repeat, I think the best time to be at home with a child is around the 10 - 18 year mark.

choccynutter that is exactly the amount of time I had with dd1 before I gave up nursing to be a CM while the dcs are small. 1 hr per day. It took 45 mins for me to drive to work,park and get in and changed for 8am every day so left at 7am. Same coming home sometimes meant to finish work at 5pm but still regularly still scrubbed and operating at 530, 45mins home so after 6 getting in. DD1 in bed for 7pm. Didn't have dd2 then (7mths)

Tomcat you forgot to add software analysts (like me) to that list

The popluation needs us

oh stepfordknife, you're so funny, brilliant, you're cracking me up

it wasn't a dig just a opinon anyway you been "digging" me althrough i apologized so think that squares it sorry to all again I'm off tired and typing becoming a blurr to me so god know what you reading lol

Kew, you are fab, do not get worked up by this nonsense.

This idea of choice then. How many women really genuinely have much of a choice? Because I'm betting that not many do. For many women, working would be a practical or financial impossibility.

For many women, NOT working would similarly be a practical or financial impossibility.

And what the world do without a brillinat PR guru like me in the business 3 days a week?

LOL! Actually the real question is where in the world would I be without my fab job, and my great kids?

I'm curious that we're still making the connection between working mums and full time childcare . I'm a working mum and DS is still looked after by his other parent. Go figure!

VinegarTits - I'll answer the bloody question! Our children were much wanted, and much loved. The nursery issue has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Is my child neglected and lacking in anything you could care to think of because she has been in full time (weekday) care? I don't think so. She is a normal, happy, outgoing 4.5 year old who had lots of friends and eats vegetables.

no TwinkleM your interpretation wasn't what I meant at all (and you certianly can't make someonea differnet child). If he doesn't nap for you at the weekend then surely he's just not a napper?!

I just meant it very different having a childin full time care to very part-time care - I have done both its very diffent. You make much more effeort to make sure full time care works because it matters so much more, I changed quite a bit - bedtiemss,bathtime, how often DS has baths etc somaximise the time we have togetrh and that we're doingsomething we want to do or that I think is worthwhile.

ohhh another here here for the software analysts VT. Although my teenage mentee still tells me she doesn't really 'get' what exactly I do.

Lol, he so does need his naps! (and naps fine for DH in the week). He just won't nap when (because?) I'm at home. Thank God he sleeps well at night that's all I can say.

Full time work & childcare would be so so difficult for us, being remote having only the one car, that I guess I'm projecting those difficulties onto everyone. Perhaps we could afford two cars if we both worked and it would be OK, but I doubt we'd be much better off tbh which is why we're doing what we're doing.

quattro - I'm not at all worked up about it. Honest. The wonderful blinkers of "lack of choice" make me sublimely uncaring of anyone who thinks what I do is "sad". Its isn't. This is it, this is theway we live. We are happy. We are obviously happy to anyone who has ever met us. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to get out more

Leaving DS with a CM is not an unalloyed pleasure - sometimes its shitty, sometimes I wish things could be differnt and sometimes I'm glad they're not. I'm guessing there aren't any mothers that don't have similar feelings about things during their day. But mostly I think "Isn't he fantastic, aren't I lucky". And one day if I'm really, really lucky he might think the same about me. What anyone else thinks doesn't really amount to a hill of beans.

Just don't like anyone to think DS is sad or that anything about raising him is sad - horrible thought as I've never met a less sad child in all my life.

Brillant post kew, you have said exaclty how i feel but so much more eloquently than i could have put in to words

a lot of folk don't know jack shit kewcumber!

you both sound lovely

I haven't read the rest of the posts but I just wanted to say I wonder why the OP thinks these children deserve "pity". If they are happy then surely they don't need people to "feel sorry" for them. DD went to nursery 4 days a week at 5 months and DS at 8 months. I chose nursery over a childminder becuase I like the idea that nurseries can focus on one age group at a time and do activities focussed on their specific needs - the local childminders have substantial school runs so younger children are dragged along whatever...

My DD doesn't feel sad about going to nursery becuase that is normal to her. At 3.5 she doesaut spend time comparing her life to those of her peers whose mums don't work outside of the home. To her mums and dads go to work. At nursery she does art and craft daily which I would never do, she does French, reading, numeracy and more importantly she learns about socialising, sharing, group dynamics and friendship.

I don't feel sad for any children who are loved, whatever they spend their days doing...

Yikes. Have obviously not had enough time to trawl through 667 posts, but how sad that some people feel the need to put down other people's childcare choices. Where and how long to put the children into childcare (because for 99% of the population, we will at some point) is hopefully the most critical concern for all parents. It is absolutely dreadful leaving your child anywhere and you want to make sure that you're doing the best job you can and so are the people looking after them.

My first DS was a fairly easy child apart from eating, I went back to work for 3 years and he was in nursery half the time and with me the other 2 days. Worked quite well. DD1 came along and I took a year off, getting pregnant in the process and then having 3, 2 of whom were in nappies and still being fed with purees. So we axed nursery because it got too expensive and had an au pair - which also didn't work for us. Aunty came and helped a few days, son went to after school club after about a year.

Now we have 5 children and a nanny and I work 3 days a week, youngest is 4 months. With 5 in the house I would feel like a BAD mother for staying at home 24/7, because I'd be so stressed I know I would shout more and be less engaged due to house/child related duties that I wouldn't be able to spend enough quality time with them. Works for us. If we could afford a nursery, I would put at least 3 of them in there. I think it's varied, stimulating, helps them see other children besides their (many!) siblings, teaches better sharing, helps them realise independence more, etc. But we can't.

C'est la vie.

blah blah blah

yabvu

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yanbu

Wow! So many posts. I think the people who have been slating me for the OP have lost sight of some of my points.

I feel sorry for the children who spend 10 hours (plus in some cases) per day 5 days per week in a nursery and never leave the confines of the nursery building and garden.

I accept that there are some nurseries who take kids outside the nursery regularly, but I haven't seen many posts to this effect. Yes, your nursery may be fab with a great garden, so is mine (IMVHO ), but my DS's would still go mad if they were never allowed out of it. They like to play in other peoples gardens, at the park, in the street...

IMHO if you have to leave your child in childcare for that many hours per day, then why don't you leave them in a more home-based setting? That was all that I wanted to know. I don't think that you shouldn't be working, I know for some people it is essential. I'm not slating anyone who leaves their child in childcare, just wondering why you chose the type that you did.

Gosh - up early for another visit to the Aquarium/Soft Play Area/Ceramic Painting Cafe?

Meanwhile I am off to London shopping leaving dh in charge.

And by the way I went to a Rare Breeds Farm yesterday.

Don't forget to polish your halo.

No, up early playing marble run / duplo / farmyard and lego so far.

Rare Breeds Farm in Kent? We went there earlier in the year. Fantastic day out.

Why are you looking for us to justify it to you?! Everyone has choices to make and we have to stand by them whatever. There's nothing to say that a CM wouldn't just stick the kids in front of a DVD/tv all day or keep them indoors to do activities - which is one of the main reasons a friend of mine decided against using her family and she stopped using her CM cos she was more interested in caring for her own kids.
Children need to learn boundaries and I believe that a good nursery can play an important part of the daily routine. When I pick up DS I don't see the children going mad from boredom or confinement...the majority are quite happy kids running and chasing and playing.
BTW - thanks so much for telling us where kids like to play...I have always wondered personally tho, DS is not allowed to play in the street so he'll have to deal with that later in life when discussing his terrible childhood experiences at nursery with the counsellor

You don't have to justify anything to me, I was just interested in why people made their choices, and so far lots of people have explained just that.

As I said earlier, a lot of people seem to have chosen a nursery as they would worry about certain aspects of care at a CM. But then nurseries bring about other problems (all care in one place being just one). I wonder how CM's could dispel these worries?

The main points I would like to make to you are:

1. You name change to post.

2. You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself and your child rearing skills.

3. You seem to have a very low opinion of nurseries.

Why?

My dd goes to her first settling in period at nursery tomorrow - if I wasn't a thick skinned, educated, confident person your comments could have upset me.

Thomcat, can I ask about your post , was it yesterday? saying

As as I've said, so sorry to repeat, I think the best time to be at home with a child is around the 10 - 18 year mark.

my ds is 10, can I ask why that is the best time to be at home, rather than the baby stage? am just very curious